dear nice guys,
saying that nice guys finish last is like saying you found your left Beatle boot in the last place you looked. well, duh. of course you did. when you find what you’re looking for, you stop looking. it may take her a while to get to you, but a good girl will find you. eventually.
you are the catch. you are the prize in the Cracker Jack box. if Ed McMahon were still alive, he’d deliver you to someone’s door with balloons and a giant check.
but you have one glaring problem that sets things back and probably frustrates the crap out of you.
being put in the “friend” box. and unless you’re Criss Angel, you’re not getting out.
you heard me. you know it happens. i know it happens. if it were a crime to do that to a guy, i’d have spent my prime high school years in jail. guilty as charged. throw the book at me. make it War and Peace, hardcover.
am i going to tell you to be less nice to break the cycle? yes…. no…. sort of. but not really. it will just kind of feel that way.
1. you’re a good listener, not a receptacle for all misery – when you allow a girl to constantly dump her every woe on your head, she’s never going to see you as a “guy”. you won’t want to hurt her feelings by cutting her off, but believe me, you are not doing her any favors by letting her wallow.
2. making her uncomfortable can be sexy – the next time a girl starts to tell you how much she hates her retail job, or how her BFF always takes advantage of her by stealing her clothes, instead of empathizing and making soothing noises, say something like, “how’s that working out for you?” when she gets mad at you and asks what you mean, and she will, just remind her both those situations are fixable, she just has to decide to change them. put it back on her. you’re not letting her be a victim and she’s looking at you totally differently. you’ve just shocked your way out of the friend box.
3. you’re not always available – stop dropping what your doing to be her girlfriend. you know exactly what i mean by that. don’t lie. she snaps, you hop. she pouts, you pet. quit it. it diminishes your value to her when you appear needy. and let me tell you, being constantly ready to jump when she calls, seems needy. knock it off.
4. no more pedestals! – you think you’re making her feel special by putting her on a pedestal. she’s feeling like she’s got farther to fall. she’s not perfect. you know it and she sure as shootin’ knows it. quit idealizing her. treat her like a person, flaws and all. when she says something dumb, feel free to laugh at her. when she does something really right, tell her “well done” but don’t fawn all over her. pedestals = sucking up. give her a reason to feel like she’s earned something from you instead of throwing all your adoration at her.
you’re a nice guy, not a pushover. don’t fear the conflict. you can’t strike a spark without hitting a rock. being 100% non-threatening, is BO-RING. keep it between 90 and 95% and you’re golden.
you are the win. start freaking acting like it.
what did i miss? what are some other nice guy issues? ever found yourself stuck in the “friend” box?