the keeper

lord, i want those boots. amen.

let’s start this year off on a happy note, shall we?  a hopeful little blog, a big announcement teaser (coming at some point this week) and a cup of coffee.  or green tea, whatever.

i’ve given girls a hard time here at AWGTW, but the truth is, i like them.  mostly.  i am one.  i gave birth to one.  i have one for a mom.  some of my best friends are girls.

girls are neat.

but there’s one that shines brighter than most.  a girl that has become the gold standard for the rest of us.

the keeper.

the reason she’s the keeper is because her value is high and her issues are few.  she’s not perfect, but she might be perfect for the guy lucky enough to land her.  she may have hints of other types of girls in her DNA, but her overriding awesomeness keeps them in check.

here’s some ways to know you’ve found her:

1.  she doesn’t need you – if you somehow get lucky enough to be given priority on her time, it won’t be because she’s desperate.  it will be because her life was already fine without you, but she’s decided that it’s better with you in it.  she has her own friends and will continue to spend with them and without you.  that’s fine.  that’s healthy.  deal with it.

2.  your friends & family dig her – if you start hearing things like, “can i have her when she dumps you?” or “if you blow this, we’ll keep her and disown you.”, you’ve probably got a keeper.  unless your friends are schmucks or your family is a cesspool of dysfunction, they are going to be your best objective litmus test.  if they start telling you you have somehow managed to catch the eye of girl who is way out of your league, it’s time to listen up.

3.  she knows who she is – she doesn’t need anyone to tell her who she is, she already knows.  she likes herself.  she’s comfortable with the path she’s chosen.  she’s going to give you a pass if you try to change her to suit you.  her value, as she sees it, isn’t defined by anyone other than herself.  good for her.

4.  she won’t always agree with you – gasp!  say it isn’t so!  she has her own opinions and thoughts and isn’t afraid to say so?  weird.  the thing is though, she’s no bully.  she doesn’t want to fight with you, she wants to talk.  to dialogue.  to challenge.  this. is. a. good. thing.  ever heard the phrase “iron sharpens iron”?  she’ll make you a mental lethal weapon.  okay, Mensa probably won’t be calling, but you get my meaning.

5.  she’s strong – this is a girl who, if you dropped dead, would survive.  your world could explode and she’d find a way to fix it, encourage you or do whatever it takes to move forward and make it better.  she’s a fighter, but only when it helps.  she fights for what matters.  thank your lucky charms that she thinks you matter.

6.  she’s soft – this will be more evident in some girls than others.  it can range from total bleeding heart who’s out there organizing coat drives for the homeless, to the matter of fact, almost gruff, “i didn’t ask you if you needed food, i said dinner’s ready and i made too much.  get over here and help me eat it.”

take all of these with a grain of kosher salt.  they will appear in varying degrees and manifestations.

i realize that i’ve made her sounds like the unicorn of womanhood.  but that’s not the case.  she’s out there.  everywhere.  she’s just not throwing herself at you.  she’s getting to know you.  she’s hanging out.  she waiting for you to see her.

how will you know when you’ve found her?  you’ll be waiting to see what she says next.


24 comments on “the keeper

  1. Tyler says:

    Very astute analysis.

    I bet she also likes funny movies. Just a guess.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sharideth Smith, Sharideth Smith. Sharideth Smith said: first blog post of the new year. how to find the unicorn of womanhood. excited? me either. […]

  3. Mandie says:

    I think it should be added that because their value is high, keepers don’t like to waste time with non-keeper males. I know so many single girls who are keepers. It’s a shame, really.

    Also: the polka dots are delightful.

  4. Melissa says:

    I’m so glad you pointed out the lack of dysfunction. I’m rather tired of (not) competing with women who think being vulnerable and damaged is the key to finding a good man.

  5. Sarah says:

    Well, I read this and now feel like the worst girlfriend ever. Unfortunately, I used to be very much like this “keeper” myth you speak of. 🙂 I used to be very cool, on my own, independent and all that. And then I met him and all of a sudden I’m a neurotic, pathetic mess. It’s that whole “fear of losing something amazing” thing messing with my head. I figure, if I act like a clingy psycho, surely he’ll stay with me forever. Right? Unfortuantely no. But, reading this has reminded me of how truly awesome I used to be… 🙂 and how he deserves someone more like this than like the crazy person I’ve turned into. Thanks.

  6. […] Last week she posted the 10 worst gifts and the 10 best gifts for Valentine’s Day. Also good: The Keeper and An Open Letter to Nice […]

  7. NotSingle says:

    How do I stop being this girl? How can I tell the male world that being a nice person doesn’t mean I’m flirting with them?

    Am I allowed to have platonic relationships with guys without being hit on (just laugh and go on, I know), or worse, (heartbreakingly) liked by someone who I thought was a terrific friend?

  8. Wow … I saw parts of women I know in your other posts, but this one describes my friend as though you know her as well as I do. I need to share this with her and see if she sees herself this clearly.

    Also, love your blog! Great stuff. You super, big-time, funny lady!

  9. […] awesome?  a girl who wants help out and partner with you in taking care of things is indicative of a keeper.  it shows self respect and lets you know she doesn’t intend to bleed you […]

  10. […] she’s one “sorry.  i can’t do that for you.” away from becoming a Keeper. […]

  11. […] written about what the Keeper looks like in girl form.  based on the following comments, it looks like i have seriously […]

  12. […] do i need to be to be a well rounded 24 yr old woman? – read this. it’s what i tell men to look for in a woman. and again, stand up straight. shoulders back. […]

  13. Single Lady says:

    How do I become like this girl instead of miss insecurity or the runner? I want to be this girl so badly, but I have so many wounds (that I’m working on). Is it even possible?

  14. […] question came in comment form from the Keeper post. i think it’s a question a lot of girls have, but this brave woman actually […]

  15. […] #IfWeDate just know I like the large #6 on the Taco Bell menu. – And that my friends, is what I call a Keeper. […]

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