consider this post interactive. kind of like Dr. Phil meets Choose Your Own Adventure. or maybe MadLibs, depending on your mood. either way, i’ll ask some questions and you can feel free to answer, not answer, tell me i’m insane, the most brilliant blogger e.v.e.r., or just fill in body parts that make you snicker.
in the immortal words of Michael Scott from the office, “I use to think she was ‘the one’. Or A ‘the one’.”
the idea there is one person out there made just for you is very popular with romance novelists, 12 year old girls and christians. i’ve been all 3 at somepoint. one only in my head, one for about 365 of the worst days of my life and one for the last 31 years and counting.
you’d think i’d be totally sold on “the one”.
yeah, not so much.
here are my reasons:
1. taken out to its conclusion, the theory of “the one” would mean that if one person screws up and marries the wrong “the one”, it throws it off for everyone. an extreme view? yes. but the logic holds if “the one” is a fact.
2. it negates the idea that a marriage is hard work. if you’re married to “the one”, it should all be easy right? afterall, that person is your perfect match so the marriage should only die of natural causes. namely, death.
3. it is a new idea. it’s only been in the last several decades that “the one” has taken on any sort validity. up until 100ish years ago, most marriages were still arranged. in many countries, this is still the case. lots of arranged marriages find contentment and even love that lasts for decades.
4. finding someone to love and pledge yourself to is a lifetime of commitment that doesn’t end until one of you does. i believe a decent person is capable of doing this with any number of other decent people. it’s a joint effort.
5. it’s a theory that has caused much grief and people to think they are settling for a lesser happiness because they missed “the one”. ugh. how sad.
6. if “the one” dies early in life, does this mean that you will never have access to that kind of joy ever again?
there is a flip side to my poopooing though.
i just had a conversation with a good friend i respect. she happens to believe she is married to “the one”. and for good reason. he has a truly excellent mustache. how can you argue with that? another reason is that she found him at a point in her life when circumstances arranged themselves to lead her to a place where the only thing there for her, was him. she had everything where she came from and nothing where she landed. it truly seems the only reason for her to end up where she did, was to find him. they are amazing together.
she can’t imagine being with anyone else. shoot, i can’t imagine her being with anybody else. and i’m pretty sure he’d have something to say about “anybody else”. their story really does give credibility to the idea of “the one”.
i feel the same way about craig. but craig and i both feel that we would have found happiness with other people had we “missed” eachother. we are just really, super duper grateful we didn’t.
do you think it’s possible the answer is both? some people are destined while the rest of us make choices?
if you’re into the bible at all, i think that theory holds. jesus gave some a choice and others, like paul, he hand-stamped.
maybe some of us do get struck blind on the road to damascus, so to speak. but others make a choice. honor that choice. then that choice becomes “the one”.
what say you?