i told Amanda i’d run her guest post on friday. i lied. i do that.
Amanda is funny. she’s a girl. sometimes she holds a giant spoon. she blogs over here and says stuff about things. here’s her guest post.
This past year I did a lot of dating. I went on a bunch of dates but at the end of the month I was always
alone. I had a bad case of
the Mondays Perpetual Singleness (PS). I learned a lot during my bout with PS.
I learned that I must be patient. I learned that I’m allowed to be picky. I learned that I shouldn’t let on to
the fact I can out-burp most guys.
I also learned that people love to give advice.
I have a friend who thinks I’m boy crazy. I have another friend who thinks I should hit on anything that
breathes. One thinks I should be friends with someone for a couple of years before I even think about
dating them. Another thinks I should start giving out cards that say “Are you cute? Are you single? Do
you love Jesus? If you answered yes to these questions, call me!” to any guy who looks interesting.
While I appreciate good advice, I kept hearing the same advice from the same people (mainly married,
very not-single people). I know they meant well but it wasn’t always helpful. So for the benefit of those
people who don’t know they’re giving crappy advice, here are some Yay! and Nays for dealing with a
Perpetually Single Friend (PSF).
Nay: Don’t tell your PSF that they have “lots of time” or that they are “still young”. Factor in the
meeting/dating/engagement time period here. That’s usually a couple of years. Guess what? Your PSF
will be older in a couple of years.
Yay!: Listen to your PSF’s stories. Just because he or she isn’t buying a house, getting married or having
babies doesn’t mean life isn’t thrilling, fulfilling and exciting. Their life activities could knock the socks off
of yours and you wouldn’t even know it.
Nay: Never say “if you stop looking, you will find someone”. This is a giant lie. If your PSF stopped
looking, they would be home alone watching Disney movies and picking their nose. You will not find a
mate while singing along with the Genie and digging in the Cave of Wonders. If you do, then I want to
give you a high five. After you wash your hands, of course.
Yay!: Include your PSF in any activities you would include your attached friends. If your PSF is
uncomfortable with third/fifth/seventh-wheeling it, then let them decide whether or not to attend.
Invites never hurt anyone.
Nay: Don’t give advice unless you are asked for advice. If you married the first or second person you
dated, you won’t fully understand your PSF. Even though you have what your PSF wants, it does not
mean you are more knowledgeable about the process.
Yay!: Share the good things in your life with your PSF. Just because they are PS, doesn’t mean they don’t
want to hear about your wonderful mate or your darling offspring. PSFs care about you as much as you
care about your PSF. Plus, free babysitting.
Nay: Don’t brush off your PSF’s latest break up like it’s nothing. There may be many break ups, and the
latest break up may have ended with a high five (true story) but it is still a break up. It is significant. Itstill means something to your PSF.
Yay!: Acknowledge what your PSF is feeling. Yes it is frustrating, yes it is sad, yes it can be lonely. Wallow
with your PSF when wallowing is appropriate, and have a kitchen dance party with your PSF when a
kitchen dance party is appropriate.
When dealing with a PSF, please remember one simple thing: shut up and listen.
you heard the lady.
so married people, time to fess up. what is some bad advice or dumb things you’ve said to your single friends?
single people…more yays! or nays?