*i have no idea if this will become a series or not, but reading it should make you feel exponentially better about your own decency and humanity.
sometimes i’ll tweet about things i overhear while out and about. by out and about, i mean shooting pool. what you’re about to read is what i gathered about a girl over a two night period in the same week. it was too much to be contained by twitter. it’s really too much to be contained by any one person, but she somehow managed to cram an unbelievable amount of horrible into her woman’s petite sized body. i generally don’t go after a single person in my blogs, but since i don’t even know her name (Craig has dubbed her Bossy Bessie) and the odds of my readers shooting pool with me in the place she frequents is limited to about 4 of you, i think her identity is safe.
you’d think this girl is some sort hybrid, like Species, out of the Glossary of Girls, but she’s a real live nightmare. was i eavesdropping? i wasn’t droppin’ no eaves. that is, i heard great deal about a ring and a dark lord….
oops, wrong story.
anyway, the point is, i didn’t have to eavesdrop. she was talking so loud, it simply wasn’t necessary. unfortunately it all started with her addressing me directly. here’s the highlights:
night 1 – on a date
1. asking if she and her “friend” could share our pool table – her: “i know you guys are paying by the hour and everything, but could we maybe play doubles with you for a couple of games?” me: “my husband prefers to just play with the two of us.” (yep, i threw Craig under the bus.) her: “could you ask him?” me: “no.”
now, before you think i was rude, you have to understand that this girl is maybe 30 and her “friend” is old enough to be her father. the dynamic between the two was more than a little creepy. you’d have said no, too.
2. conversation with her “friend” – this is paraphrased to keep my blog safe for children and Tyler Tarver…*while holding hands across the table with her “friend”…”i didn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you the sex was just okay. i mean, i have better with my husband, but he’s such a jerk! you’re so nice, i just couldn’t tell you. i mean, i’m willing to try again and i can tell you what i need to “be satisfied”.” which she proceeded to do. without using her inside voice. for 20 minutes.
night 2 – shooting pool with another couple
3. conversation with the guy from the other couple – i’m not going to quote her, i’m just going to explain. the guy was a good pool player. she wasn’t. she proceeded to argue with him about how to play. belligerently. loudly. the worst part, she’d smirk at him when he was yelling back at her. oh yeah, it was pleasant.
4. conversation with girl from the other couple – ugh. it was a whole lot about “why do you put up with him?” and “you’d be better off single…” while the guy was in ear shot. if i could hear her, so could he.
i could go on, but i won’t.
now don’t you feel better about yourself? no matter how messed up you think you are, there’s always somebody worse. it’s why i watch Maury sometimes. at least i know who my baby daddy is.
oh yes, i’m aware making a comparison like that makes me a terrible person. irony loves sticking it to me.
other “overheard at the pool hall” honorable mentions:
– “remember that trucker last night who was shooting spit wads at my coconut bra?!?”
– 60+ year old guy, with his ear buds in, singing Pour Some Sugar on Me in an excellent baritone.
what are somethings you’ve overheard in public?