being the wingman

if i were smart enough to put a big red circle with a slash through it over this, i would.

i spent my entire junior high and high school years playing wingman (winggirl?) to my best friend.  she’s blond and hot and has just about the best smile you’ll see this side of cosmetic orthodontia.  me?  i was cute.  which is like a pat on the head by your grandma who really likes your brother best.  it totally blew.  i never blamed my friend.  she’s as pretty on the inside as she is on the out.  really it was my fault for being snarky and only about half as attractive.

the big mistake i made?  trying to be more like her.  it took me years to realize she’s her and i’m me.  i’m a little slow.  trying to be like someone else is exhausting.

even though there are plenty of beer commercials out there defining the downside to being a wingman, there are some perks…

1.  other wingmen – it’s like a club.  we get each other.  and if you’re a wingman who happens to meet a winggirl that strikes your fancy, your chances of getting noticed by her go way up.

2.  power – a wingman is like the gate keeper to the prize.  you can allow or deny access at will.  you are Oz.  okay, you’re the guy behind the curtain, but you get my meanin’.

3.  brain trust – let’s face it, the world is probably a little clearer to you than your lead man.  that’s no slam on the beautiful people.  it’s just that when you’re the person always a step behind, there’s more time to think and a wider view for objectivity.

4.  staying power – when you do get noticed, your relationships tend to have a better shot at being healthy.  why?  wingmen know how to have a conversation and get to know people.  that’s what we’re for.

occasionally the wingman gets the attention.  when that happens, it’s like having Lee Greenwood show up to your 4th of July party in a Tahoe full of Bud Lite and funnel cakes.  enjoy that.

when do you get to stop being the wingman?  probably when you find the person you’re going to marry.  then you graduate.

until then,  be yourself.  everyone else is already taken.

raise your hand if your a wingman.

how do you handle it?

has Lee Greenwood ever shown up to your 4th of July party? because that would be awesome.


11 comments on “being the wingman

  1. Joseph says:

    I was definitely the “Wingman who wanted to be the lead guy and didn’t always handle that tension so well, and because of that ended up being Weirdman more than Wingman” throughout most of high school. That, combined with perpetually being in the friend-zone with all the girls I was interested in, made things more difficult than they had to be, for sure…

  2. Knox says:

    Tell me more about the funnel cakes. I’ll do whatever it takes.

  3. kristinherdy says:

    nice. I’m not one to go out, single moms do not make good winggirls – our conversation starters are all “my kids did this” or “isn’t potty training fun?” but I live vicariously through posts like these.

  4. David Robbins says:

    Always a wingman, never a wing.

  5. Katie M says:

    Hello, my name is Katie. And I’m a wingman. I bring the gift of comic relief to any and all awkward meeting situations. You’re welcome.

  6. kelybreez says:

    What if I was always the wingman, but there wasn’t a beautiful person?

    Just me, standing there.

  7. Regrettably, Lee Greenwood has never answered any of my invitation requests. 🙂

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