101 |
Combating Stupidity |
102 |
You Too Can Do Housework |
103 |
P.M.S. – Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut |
104 |
How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray |
105 |
We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas –
Give Us Money |
106 |
Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk
At 4 AM |
107 |
Wonderful Laundry Techniques
(Formerly “Don’t Wash My Silks”) |
108 |
Parenting – No, It Doesn’t End With Conception |
109 |
Get a Life – Learn How To Cook |
110 |
How Not To Act Like a Butthead When You Are Obviously Wrong |
111 |
Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right |
112 |
Understanding Your Financial Incompetence |
113 |
You – The Weaker Sex |
114 |
Reasons To Give Flowers |
115 |
How To Stay Awake After |
116 |
Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself
Anywhere But the Bathroom |
117 |
Garbage – Getting It To the Curb |
118A |
You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try |
118B |
The Morning Dilemma – If It’s Awake, Take a Shower |
119 |
The Weekend and Sports Are Not Synonymous |
120 |
How To Put The Toilet Seat Down |
121 |
How To Go Shopping With Your Mate and Not Get Lost |
122 |
The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency |
123 |
Helpful Postural Hints For Couch Potatoes |
124 |
How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children |
125 |
You Too Can Be a Designated Driver |
126 |
Honest, You Don’t Look Like Mel Gibson, Especially When Naked |
127 |
Changing Your Underwear – It Really Works |
128 |
The Attainable Goal – Omitting %@#*! From Your Vocabulary |
129 |
Fluffing the Blankets After Farting is Not Necessary |
130 |
Real Men Ask For Directions |
131 |
How To Take Illness Like a Man
stolen from JamesHuggins.com |
I’m afraid 114 isn’t just the course number, but also the number of reasons for giving flowers.
So good. Priceless.
You are brilliantly hilarious! Literally LOL!
i didn’t write this one. but my cut and paste skills are off the chain.
One of my friends’ wife asked him if the dress she was wearing made her look fat. He responded with, “No, it’s your body that makes you look fat.” She hasn’t asked any similar questions since.
An unflattering cut can make someone look heavier while a different cut can have a slimming effect, or accentuate what should be accentuated. There’s no need to be a jerk about it (an uncreative one at that, since I’ve heard that joke about a billion times before).
It’s not a response I’d make, unless I had a wife with a sense of humor/practicality suited to it, which Brian’s friend’s wife could be. He doesn’t say if they’re still speaking after it. 😉
You are very much right that the cut of a dress can make a difference in perceived weight and shape. Both positively and negatively. However, 99 percent of the time if a woman asks this question it’s not an asthetic inquiry regarding the cut of the dress, it’s a sign that she’s already decided that she DOES look fat in the dress. The ones who actually are uncertain if the dress is a good cut for them vs the ones having body image issues is extremely tiny.
If you’re tired of hearing the joke a billion times, it’s because men are tired of hearing the question a billion times. If the man says yes, she gets mad because he called her fat. If the man says no, she gets mad because he “lied to her” because she’s already decided the truth is that she looks fat. The only purpose the question serves is to make it the man’s fault that she feels fat so she can be mad at him instead of mad at herself or the dress.
The woman who asks the question with no intention of accepting the response is pretty much being a jerk, too.*
* – I am resisting the urge to add my usual softening qualifiers to that line. Blunt is not usually my style. Sharideth, can I blame you for bluntness influence if I get in trouble for that line? :>
Oh, I completely agree with you on the last line. I’ve just found that embracing the technical language of the situation helps dissolve it. “Fat” has become an emotional word; “that cut isn’t flattering to your shape” is technical, impersonal, and advice she’ll find in every fashion magazine. The thinnest woman in the world can wear unflattering cuts of clothing, which means you just gave your opinion without saying anything about her body, and you’ve implied that there are all kinds of other cuts that she could look fabulous in. But, maybe it works better coming from a girl. I don’t know.
They’re still together. She does have a sense of humor. I would never reply to a woman like that. I’m not sure how I will respond to that question.
I think we men would all be much safer if Women’s 109 could be changed from “Understanding the Male Response” to “How to Ask Your Mother/Sister/Female Friend Rather Than Your Man If You Think You’re Fat”.
116 should add – 116B Acceptable Places to Relieve Yourself When There Is No Bathroom. And maybe 116C Acceptable Methods and Commentary When Relieving Yourself When There Is No Bathroom.
Hilarious. The Morning Dilemma is too funny.
Also,
Shameless plug because of 109: http://cooklikemen.com
brilliant! Wheredo we get the women to sign up for these?!!!