using your friends as a security blanket

since we’ve been talking about cross-gender friendships, i figured i’d just stay with it.  i’m boring like that.




sorry, had to mute a documentary on the polyurethane skate wheel.  it was distracting me.

anyhoo, having friends of the opposite sex is great and all.  sometimes.  but if you are using them as your own personal Cloak of Invisibility, we’ve got a problem.  and by we, i mean you.  Harry Potter reference is free of charge.

going out with your friends is a hoot.  but it’s also an opportunity to meet other people.  specifically, datable people.

ladies, guys are going to be less likely to approach you if you have boy “friends” attached to the hip of your low-rise jeans.  dudes don’t know if one of those other dudes you’re with is into you or you’re into him, so they keep their distance.  it’s part of the guy code.

guys, when you’re out with your girl “friends” and giving them all of your attention, you are sending “not accessible” vibes.  and “not accessible” is whole lot different than “not interested”.  “not interested” can work in your favor.  “not accessible” is just a boundary most women won’t bother with.

the solution,  stop it.

easy.  done.

but sharideth, that means i have to give up my comfort zone and put myself out there and talk to people i don’t know!!

yep.  that’s what that means.  the longer you stay hidden behind your friends, male or female, the longer you’ll be alone and frustrated.

sharideth, you’re not very nice.

no.  i’m not.  welcome to my blog.

but sharideth, why do you keep pretending like we’re talking to you?  you’re not Jim Gaffigan.

because i’ll steal ideas from whoever i please and again, welcome to my blog.

short blog short, the next time you go out, leave your friends of the opposite sex behind and mingle.  i know it sounds 6 shades of terrifying to some of you, but you’re a grown up.  you can do this.

do you use your friends as shields?

is it scary for you to talk to strangers?


13 comments on “using your friends as a security blanket

  1. Francesca Sage says:

    It’s not scary to talk to strangers. It’s just scary to go beyond the pleasantries. And, also, there just aren’t that many attractive strangers.
    I like going out with friends because I like my friends, not because I’m scoping the scene. So sue me, I’m not a guy, I’m not always thinking about THAT.

    oh crimini mushrooms, I’m in the wrong blog.

  2. Mandie Marie says:

    “Why does he keep making so many jokes about baaacoooon?”

  3. asoulwalker says:

    Kudos any time you can reference Jim Gafigan.

  4. Jeremy says:

    I like hot pockets…

  5. G Fresh says:

    1. Sometimes, but usually it’s a conscious choice and only when I don’t really feel like being sociable with new people.

    2. Yes, but usually only if they are cute, single, female strangers. My lifelong, crippling low self-confidence has always seemed to think that this is the best time to become the most awkward and uninteresting guy in the world. All of a sudden the warm weather we’ve been having, the latest pictures of my cats and the scarves I’m knitting for a friend’s kids for Christmas become the most fascinating things I can think to talk about. All the while I’m also trying my best to suck in my gut and mentally resist the urge to physically facepalm myself for blowing it yet again. It sounds kind of funny, but it really is not.

  6. Through alcohol, all things are possible.

  7. Jenn says:

    It’s like you’re reading my mind, or my blog – but I doubt both of those – so I will further say to the gentlemen – a group of women friends also looks like a harem. And those women, your harem likely are putting out all sorts of nasty forcefields to ensure that you are all theirs. Sounds great? Not really – because it ensures you end up looking like an insecure douche. Because 1. You’re leading them on 2. You have no male friends – which equal a reluctance to be accountable and grow with your own gender. Ultimately it makes you look suspect, if not unattractive. So ditch the harem.

  8. Regan says:

    Is it just me, or do guys that have no guy friends (as well as girls that have no girl friends) set off alarm bells for other people too?

    • Jenn says:

      I definitely makes me wonder what is up – and I think it should there is significant growth and support that come from healthy same gender relationships. I think Joy Eggerichs also made a note about another related issue with predominate opposite gender friendships a while back – it’s snacking – you are not able to really appreciate the relationships in your life and ultimately set yourself on a course to find that one person you want to have a relationship with for your life.

  9. asoulwalker says:

    Oh, and philosoraptor is pretty much one of my favourite memes! If anyone wanted anything from me ever you would have brownie points and could trade them for cool stuff. Since that doesn’t really happen I’ll just say yay to you! Go philosoraptor!

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