The Case Against Matt Forney

Ya know, I tend to just ignore what I don’t like on the internet and move on because I’m all about happiness and good times and not completely losing my shit.

But this particular little something special has been brought to my attention several times and I should probably address it? Explain it? Stab it to death? Guess we’ll just have to see.

If you don’t know what the Manosphere is, my friend Joy Bennett will ‘splain it to you with the best definition I’ve heard yet:

“Allow me to introduce you to ‘The Manosphere’. They hate women with a passion except that they also want to fuck them.”

That pretty much sums it up. They like to write blogs with delightful titles like “It’s Fat Girl Shaming Month!” and “I Love My Dick and So Can You!” Okay, so I made that second one up, but it’s the subtext of everything these man-children write. I’ve read plenty of it. People send me links all the time but I never post them here or rebut them directly because I don’t want to send traffic their way.

I changed my mind this time.

The Manosphere is full of misogynists and Matt Forney is their king.

His post:

The Case Against Female Self-Esteem

is the reason I’m writing today.

It’s not just Forney, it’s how many are agreeing with him in the comments section. You see, Matt believes “The idea that women should have self-esteem or need it, beyond a low baseline to ensure they don’t commit suicide or become psycho stalkers, is one of the most disastrous social engineering experiments of the modern era.”

In other news, he says strong women deflate his dick.

And I’m sure that^^^^^ is absolutely true.

Forney also seems to believe that strength and vulnerability are mutually exclusive. Probably because he defines “vulnerability” as being susceptible to him and fearful of his rejection.

Weird. Now that I think about it, that almost sounds like the definition of victim not vulnerable. And by “almost” I mean “absolutely”.

I have to admit it’s been a struggle to gather my thoughts after my head exploded from reading Forney’s piece so I’m going use bullet points to organize my response.

Also, to take the edge off of wanting to use actual bullets.

  • REAL MEN LIKE STRONG WOMEN – Cliche´? Duh. Of course it is. Doesn’t make it any less true though. When I met my husband, my insecurity nob went to 11. I was vulnerable in the way that makes Forney all tingly. But my man, Craig, wasn’t having any of it. He taught me to be strong. To look people in the eye. To say no. Even if that no was directed at him. He’s proud of the Forney-dick-deflating woman I’ve become. Because he’s a real man. Boys like Forney and his sticky minions, who want women insecure and afraid, are cowards. They can’t fathom happiness with a strong woman because they think it will make them weaker than they already are. They subjugate out of fear of being subjugated.
  • STRENGTH AND VULNERABILITY ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE – A woman can be strong while still being open and trusting. I see it all the time. Just because she’s willing to take a bite out of your ass if you cross her, doesn’t mean there’s no softness or concern for others or willingness to concede when she’s the wrong one. A man who recognizes that knows the real prize is in partnership. It’s in being with a woman who is strong enough to hold him up when he’s weak and soft enough or “vulnerable” enough to not make him feel like less of a man for leaning on her.

What Forney and the rest of the Astroglide-of-the-month club are missing is that a strong woman is a real man’s biggest fan and advocate. She makes him feel invincible not because he’s dominating her but because she’s supporting him.

I realize all of this will have exactly zero effect on those in the Manosphere. The toolbox who wrote the Fat Girl post will probably grab a tube sock and go back to the big girl porn under his bed.

Yeah. I said that.

And Forney? Who knows. I honestly don’t care.

What I do care about, what I have always cared about here at AWGTW is healthy relationship. I want strong, loving, reasonable men to choose strong, loving, reasonable women. I want mutual respect. I want matching rocking chairs when you’re 80. I want those who are into ren faires to find each other, share a turkey leg and make awkward family photos I can enjoy on the internet.

I don’t want women to be afraid. To be used. To be insecure. To be victimized by the likes of Matt Forney.

And neither should you.

I have no intention of becoming the internet police. Because exhausting. And annoying. And exhausting. But in this case, I had to say something. Women who are insecure and vulnerable need champions not predators. Let me be very clear. Men who pursue women who are weaker than they are, who they can mold and manipulate into their twisted version of womanhood, are predators. Not the apex kind. The “To Catch A” kind. A champion is a man who sees a woman who is his equal and THAT is what excites him. The challenge. The knowing he will never be bored. The understanding that she is only going to make him stronger.

Okay. I’m done now.

What say you?

Related:

Miss Insecurity

Twitter Twaddle #IfWeDate

Click on the dead bird to follow my ridiculousness on Twitter.

Click on the dead bird to follow my ridiculousness on Twitter.

Maybe I should have titled this one “Undatable Girl Edition”. Not all of them are written by terrible women, but probably 80% that I read are.

Protip: Guys, if you ever want to cull the herd of available women, just watch what they post on Twitter when a relationship trend is underway.

#IfWeDate Ill let you touch my boobs whenever – *presented without comment*

#IfWeDate you better defend me in EVERYTHING – So yeah. Couple of questions. How often does it come that he would need to defend you? And what exactly is “EVERYTHING”?

#Ifwedate bitch you better be committed..if you weren’t going to committed bitch you shouldn’t have asked me to be with you. – I’m pretty sure every guy reading this is going to think twice before asking you out. In a perfect world, they won’t need to use up the second thought.

#IfWeDate you’ll know every mistake I’ve ever made but you’ll forgive me and help me through it – This is a fixer-upper, fellas. Proceed with caution.

#IfWeDate you have to be real!!! Not imaginary 😒 – Fair enough.

#IfWeDate I’ll spoil you, cuddle you, do whatever you want, make you dinner but know that i will always think you might deep down hate me O_o

#IfWeDate you Better never talk to any other girls unless I allow it – If you date this girl, you deserve whatever you get.

#IfWeDate you better be able to put up with my moods💁– Thanks for the heads up. Also, no.

#IfWeDate it’s not gonna be easy for you at all. – Well, at least she’s honest.

#IfWeDate just know I like the large #6 on the Taco Bell menu. – And that my friends, is what I call a Keeper.

Confession time. How would you answer #IfWeDate?

Twitter Twaddle: #WeCantBeInARelationshipIf

Click the creepy bird to follow me on Twitter if you feel like getting your bad decision for the day over with.

Click the creepy bird to follow me on Twitter if you feel like getting your bad decision for the day over with.

Once again Twitter drops some serious knowledge on us that will clearly make us richer, wiser and more attractive. Or whatever the opposite of those are.

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf you don’t watch Friends! – Thanks for your input, 1997.

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf you’re going to complain about my obsession over The Walking Dead. – Fair enough. I don’t find this unreasonable at all.

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf U dont luv my mustaech – I don’t think your “mustaech” is the problem.

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf you don’t like Taylor Swift. – *See below*

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf You are Taylor Swift. – Bingo.

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf you don’t give me the attention that I need. Then you don’t want to date this guy: #WeCantBeInARelationshipIf you get mad when I put hockey before you.

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf you don’t understand nothing says “I’m sorry” like Chanel – Yeah! Who needs sincerity when you can spend your mortgage money on a purse!

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf We’re cousins. – @bluthquotes

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf u got liek a 2 inch dik – I can only hope the girl who wrote this is really super attractive because personality and education are out.

#WeCantBeInARelationshipIf… we just can’t. My parents are Asian. – Wins the internet.

Okay. Your turn. We can’t be in a relationship if….

twitter twaddle: #cantdateyouif

Click on this image that clearly indicates someone takes Twitter way too seriously and follow me on Twitter to find out how seriously I don't take it at all.

Click on this image that clearly indicates someone takes Twitter way too seriously and follow me on Twitter to find out how seriously I don’t take it at all.

Ready for the lamest first post of the year?!? Yessss. Let’s do this. Also, trying out capital letters. We’ll see how that goes. Not sure how long I can maintain that level of responsibility.

#cantdateyouif you can’t put up with my neediness and psycho tendencies. – No. I can’t date you. Also, no one can/should.

#cantdateyouif you don’t okay with my hair – O_o 

#cantdateyouif you don’t like my best friend. – Thank you @highskoollifee.

#cantdateyouif my best friend doesn’t like you. – Thank you @highskoollifee.

#cantdateyouif you refuse to take cute pictures with me. – Define cute. If it involves duck face and/or dogs that are only good for feeding to other dogs, then it’s a safe bet I would never take a picture with you.

#cantdateyouif Your hygiene is foul. – Fair enough.

#cantdateyouif you won’t accept my love of One Direction. – Written by a dude. Nope. Not kidding.

#cantdateyouif you don’t like (insert your Applebee’s favorite here). – @Applebees

#cantdateyouif your not willing to listen to my problems – How many problems are we talking about and how often are we talking about listening to them?

#cantdateyouif you’re over 14 – @NotARapist_

Two questions today:

1. Do you do New Year’s resolutions?

2. If you could “resolve” anything and have it instantly be done with no effort on your part, what would it be?

twitter twaddle: #HowToReplyToILoveYou

Twitter+Bird.+He+can+see...+everything_f49426_3735537

click the creepy bird to follow me on twitter

twitter is a gold mine of good advice. here are some nuggets.

#HowToReplyToILoveYou I hate you. – that seems excessive.

#HowToReplyToILoveYou “you not for real” – pinocchio’s girlfriend?

#HowToReplyToILoveYou – I love me too – did we date?

#HowToReplyToILoveYou: I don’t blame you – we definitely dated.

#HowToReplyToILoveYou: cool story bro – so jaded…

#HowToReplyToILoveYou The user you are trying to contact has been disconnected and dropped out the face of earth MSGCD:3217962189762 – ohhh. so close to being clever.

#howtoreplytoiloveyou ERROR MESSAGE 405: The number you are currently trying to reach is no longer in service. Contact carrier for details. – nailed it.

#howtoreplytoiloveyou pineapple pineapple pineapple! i don’t know what to do with my hands!!!!! – i’d probably fall in love harder if the object of my affection responded this way.

#HowToReplyToILoveYou … I Love… Cake….. – who doesn’t?

#HowToReplyToILoveYou k– i didn’t realize my husband was on twitter…

#HowToReplyToILoveYou Well I’m thinking that “I love you too” would probably be a good reply? I mean. I’m just throwing that out there. – and there it is.

and the best response ever, ever, everrrrrrr:

A9Z_R4MCAAAM7oW

your turn. kill it in the comments.

twitter twaddle: #WhyRelationshipsEnd

you think my blog is ridiculous, you should see my twitter feed. click the uppity bird to follow me.

the wisdom of Twitter is endless. here are some real pearls about why relationships meet their final demise.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd An old Asian driver runs you over and kills you. – this was written by an Asian so that makes it okay, right?

#WhyRelationshipsEnd because of jealous. – i’m going to need you to expand on that…with at least a “y”.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd us dudes be stupid – well, i can only speak for you…

#WhyRelationshipsEnd Lack of effort, trust issues, and hoes.  – lack of effort, trust issues and farming implements. got it.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd Twitter, Instagram & Screenshots ! – these are merely the tools, my friend. merely the tools…

#WhyRelationshipsEnd my soccer schedule – you prefer other dudes and balls. understood.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd the Dark Lord Avada Kedavras the boyfriend in a graveyard. – that is THE WORST when it happens!

#WhyRelationshipsEnd because nobody else wants to see you happy. – somebody needs new friends.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd: They don’t bring you to Taco Bell enough. – yep. total deal breaker.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd Because either of the two participate in No Shave November. – NSN is perfectly acceptable for all men and any woman who has no reason to be touched for a month.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd idk, @chrisbrown can you think of any? – i want to be bffs with whoever wrote this one.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd coz dem listen HEAR SEY!!!! – email me for help finding a ESL class near you.

#WhyRelationshipsEnd because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates. – boom! nailed it!

so, what the worst reason you’ve ever given or received for why a relationship ended?

dear sharideth: How do I get him interested?

Hello Sharideth!

i’ve read your blog for some time now and have encountered a christian dating conundrum that i figured i’d ask you about.

I am 24 and have never had a boyfriend, been on a date (at least to my knowledge) nor have I ever been kissed. 

after ruling out the guys at my church as possible options due to excessive awkwardness, i decided to  visit other churches. at my cousins church, i spotted the guy of my dreams. litterally. he’s 6’3 (i’m 6ft), super cute, super nice and very into church. we were briefly introduced, he gave me a hug and when i was leaving, he said it was very nice to meet me. you know, typical friendly “come to church again” type stuff.

what do i do to make him like me? is there a move that needs to be made? or must he make it? if he must make it, how do i indicate i’d like a movement made? what do i need to be to be a well rounded 24 yr old woman? what are things i should have figured out and settled before looking to persue and possibly date someone?

what do i do?

sincerely,

clueless and perpetually single

dear CAPS (daily recommended dose of irony included),

wow. your questions got bigger and bigger there toward the end. kind of like a crescendo of “ahhhhh!!?!?!!dating?!?!?1?!!!cymbalcrash!!!!”

so let’s take them one at a time. mmmkay? mmmkay.

what do i do to make him like me? you could look up all sorts of nifty tips and tricks on youtube to get a man to notice you. some of them are even pretty dang effective. they are also manipulative, generally dishonest and kind of give decent girls a “i feel really crappy about that” hangover the next day. there is no “make him like me”. there is only get him interested. the tricks are usually effective until a man (with any sort of value) has a conversation with the girl and realizes her appeal stops at her sassy red top. what you want is confidence. pull your shoulders back and own every inch of who you are. men recognize and are attracted to a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. they are even attracted to a woman who is clearly working hard at being comfortable in her own skin but is still in process. so be direct. stand up straight, look him in the eye and talk. it’s like catnip for dudes and it makes you feel pretty dang powerful. also, sassy red tops could never hurt…

is there a move that needs to be made? or must he make it? if he must make it, how do i indicate i’d like a movement made? that’s your call. it’s whatever you’re most comfortable with your head tells you is right for you. i crossed out the “comfortable” part because sometimes you have to blow a hole through comfortable to get to the prize. i know there’s all sorts of Christian books about men being required to make the first move and that’s fine. also, total crap. the bible has almost nothing to say about dating and protocol, so set your own standards based on what you think the situation calls for.

my favorite line that was always very effective for me in my dating years and bridged the gap between me asking him out and him asking me out: when a conversation is ending and you’re about to go your separate ways, say, “this was fun. you should probably ask me out sometime. see you later.” then walk away. DO NOT wait for him to respond. it’ll take him a minute to put his jaw back in place so give him up to a day or two to recover. if he doesn’t ask you out after that, move on.

what do i need to be to be a well rounded 24 yr old woman? read this. it’s what i tell men to look for in a woman. and again, stand up straight. shoulders back. owning it.

what are things i should have figured out and settled before looking to persue and possibly date someone? – for this, i just want you to take a breath. if everyone waited to have stuff figured out before dating, everyone would be spectacularly alone. the only thing you might want to have a handle on is understanding your own value. you don’t have to have yourself figured out. you don’t have to have a Power Point of your life plan. you just have to expect to be valued because you know you are valuable.

now. go get him.

oh so sincerely,

sharideth

what other advice do you have for our friend?

dear sharideth: My Ex Wants Me Back

Dear Sharideth,

I had a five year relationship end this summer. Basically she cheated on me after dropping me hints of wanting to “live independently” for half a year. After me providing for us for the last four years, she finally was getting her own career. And the day she had the job interview in another town 300 miles away, she decided to have her way with another man.

After digging up the truth for weeks – and being blamed for being paranoid – she finally told the truth. I first was angry but then supportive. Which again made her scared of me. She was scared because I was taking it so well!

She didn’t want to fix our problems so I agreed to break off. Because of our history, and because I am a nice guy, I helped her a lot on the move and let her live with me “as friends”.

So when the moving day to her new job came, we were again good friends, and sort of had a break down and decided to maybe try again – without really being together, but not not-together either…. so in a relationship limbo?

But after living some lonely weekdays and tense weekends togeter – with that all those unresolved issues, I told her that I want us to be just friends. She told that it came out of nowhere and she had tought that we would try to fix up thing. Well so did I, but since we didn’t have any plans “when to fix it”, I just started to feel more and more depressed.

She was pissed at first and told me “I was making the biggest mistake ever” for quitting her and that “my problems would follow me to future relationships”. She was also very sad… but told that “this was it”.

Now after couple weeks she called me, crying and hyperventilating how she wants me back for good. How she won’t be able to love anyone else and so on. She said she made a big mistake and wants to work things up. She says I can’t remember the good things we had. And how it is impossible we didn’t love each other. “Why can’t we fix something if we want to?” she cried.

The truth is, that I have already talked to some girls.. and realized that maybe there is another woman there who would love me.

I told her, that it takes more than “want” to make an effort, and the thing I can agree to, is to go to counceling with her – without making any promises. But we could figure out what “went wrong” and what do we want. Before she hadn’t agreed to counceling because she wanted me to “commit to relationship first”.

My friends and parents tell me to dump her to protect my self. But she has history of mental issues, and she is telling that it was some “condition” she was suffering when she did the deed. I am soon 30 years old, so I would really want to settle down, get kids and so on… I just can’t see my self being un-anxious with her again. Maybe the counceling could “fix that”. But am I hurting her more by going through it if I don’t feel anything but pity and sadness towards her now?

Beaten dog who still wags his tail?

dear BDWSWHT,

the first thing i want to make very clear is that you owe her nothing. not even after 5 years. maybe not even ESPECIALLY after 5 years. you are not required to drag this out any longer just because she is having a panic attack about her future; which is exactly what this sounds like to me.

she got the benefit of using you (whether on purpose or not, i cannot say) while she got her life together. the fact that she cheated on you and pulled away right as she was about to grasp her career/financial independence is very suspicious, in my never humble opinion.

if you really see some value in counseling and want the relationship back, then that could be the right answer, too.

BUT

if you are only considering this because of some sense of obligation to the history you have with her and the fact that she is upset, then you are free to let it go.

i can only go on what you’ve told me, but it certainly sounds like it’s the security you provide that she wants back, not you. i know that sounds awful. probably because it is awful and you deserve someone who wants you for you and not as safety net.

if you do choose to walk away, make it a clean break or she will just continue to mess with your head.

oh so sincerely,

sharideth

any other thoughts for our friend?

for more on this please see:

ending a long term relationship