The Case Against Matt Forney

Ya know, I tend to just ignore what I don’t like on the internet and move on because I’m all about happiness and good times and not completely losing my shit.

But this particular little something special has been brought to my attention several times and I should probably address it? Explain it? Stab it to death? Guess we’ll just have to see.

If you don’t know what the Manosphere is, my friend Joy Bennett will ‘splain it to you with the best definition I’ve heard yet:

“Allow me to introduce you to ‘The Manosphere’. They hate women with a passion except that they also want to fuck them.”

That pretty much sums it up. They like to write blogs with delightful titles like “It’s Fat Girl Shaming Month!” and “I Love My Dick and So Can You!” Okay, so I made that second one up, but it’s the subtext of everything these man-children write. I’ve read plenty of it. People send me links all the time but I never post them here or rebut them directly because I don’t want to send traffic their way.

I changed my mind this time.

The Manosphere is full of misogynists and Matt Forney is their king.

His post:

The Case Against Female Self-Esteem

is the reason I’m writing today.

It’s not just Forney, it’s how many are agreeing with him in the comments section. You see, Matt believes “The idea that women should have self-esteem or need it, beyond a low baseline to ensure they don’t commit suicide or become psycho stalkers, is one of the most disastrous social engineering experiments of the modern era.”

In other news, he says strong women deflate his dick.

And I’m sure that^^^^^ is absolutely true.

Forney also seems to believe that strength and vulnerability are mutually exclusive. Probably because he defines “vulnerability” as being susceptible to him and fearful of his rejection.

Weird. Now that I think about it, that almost sounds like the definition of victim not vulnerable. And by “almost” I mean “absolutely”.

I have to admit it’s been a struggle to gather my thoughts after my head exploded from reading Forney’s piece so I’m going use bullet points to organize my response.

Also, to take the edge off of wanting to use actual bullets.

  • REAL MEN LIKE STRONG WOMEN – Cliche´? Duh. Of course it is. Doesn’t make it any less true though. When I met my husband, my insecurity nob went to 11. I was vulnerable in the way that makes Forney all tingly. But my man, Craig, wasn’t having any of it. He taught me to be strong. To look people in the eye. To say no. Even if that no was directed at him. He’s proud of the Forney-dick-deflating woman I’ve become. Because he’s a real man. Boys like Forney and his sticky minions, who want women insecure and afraid, are cowards. They can’t fathom happiness with a strong woman because they think it will make them weaker than they already are. They subjugate out of fear of being subjugated.
  • STRENGTH AND VULNERABILITY ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE – A woman can be strong while still being open and trusting. I see it all the time. Just because she’s willing to take a bite out of your ass if you cross her, doesn’t mean there’s no softness or concern for others or willingness to concede when she’s the wrong one. A man who recognizes that knows the real prize is in partnership. It’s in being with a woman who is strong enough to hold him up when he’s weak and soft enough or “vulnerable” enough to not make him feel like less of a man for leaning on her.

What Forney and the rest of the Astroglide-of-the-month club are missing is that a strong woman is a real man’s biggest fan and advocate. She makes him feel invincible not because he’s dominating her but because she’s supporting him.

I realize all of this will have exactly zero effect on those in the Manosphere. The toolbox who wrote the Fat Girl post will probably grab a tube sock and go back to the big girl porn under his bed.

Yeah. I said that.

And Forney? Who knows. I honestly don’t care.

What I do care about, what I have always cared about here at AWGTW is healthy relationship. I want strong, loving, reasonable men to choose strong, loving, reasonable women. I want mutual respect. I want matching rocking chairs when you’re 80. I want those who are into ren faires to find each other, share a turkey leg and make awkward family photos I can enjoy on the internet.

I don’t want women to be afraid. To be used. To be insecure. To be victimized by the likes of Matt Forney.

And neither should you.

I have no intention of becoming the internet police. Because exhausting. And annoying. And exhausting. But in this case, I had to say something. Women who are insecure and vulnerable need champions not predators. Let me be very clear. Men who pursue women who are weaker than they are, who they can mold and manipulate into their twisted version of womanhood, are predators. Not the apex kind. The “To Catch A” kind. A champion is a man who sees a woman who is his equal and THAT is what excites him. The challenge. The knowing he will never be bored. The understanding that she is only going to make him stronger.

Okay. I’m done now.

What say you?

Related:

Miss Insecurity

dear sharideth: Just Trying To Help Her Out

Dear Sharideth,

Aside from the fact that I don’t know you well enough to call you dear and probably shouldn’t use use such a term, I have a question regarding a girl. That should be obvious, considering I’m a guy and your blog and… Well, I’m rambling, so let me ask the actual question.

I’ve been in a relationship with a great girl almost half a year now, and she was miss insecurity when I met her. She was fed a lot of lies throughout school, and thanks to a lot of people feeding her a lot more truth in the last year or so, she’s no longer carrying the weight of the world around. She’s great now, and vastly improved. She has a sense of self worth, respects herself, and even smiles.

It’s not really that I have an issue with her because things are good – don’t get me wrong on that. She just lacks self confidence. It comes across as her constantly apologizing for little things like telling me she had a rough day (she calls it a rant, but it’s just a mild, three sentence retelling really), constantly worrying that she’s a bother, or that she gets in the way, that she’s being controlling, and such. None of it’s true, and I always tell her so, but she keeps coming back to it, and I think it’s a lack of self confidence. She doesn’t believe in herself really…

I’m not being driven up the wall by any means, and I know enough about the opposite sex to know that they’re not like a machine where I can sit down and just fix something that’s not working right, so what would be your advice on boosting her confidence? I compliment her, encourage her, tell her how awesome she is, and it’s all the truth, but she’s still expecting to fail a lot. I tell her that she doesn’t need to apologize so profusely and that if she honestly is a bother, that I’ll tell her and not just be mad, but it’s not helping.

So, knowing that I can’t just magically fix this, how do I help her towards being confident? Have my friends kidnap me and have her come charging in with an airsoft gun?

Thanks,

Just Trying To Help Her Out

dear JTTHHO,

i dig the airsoft gun idea.  however, it might be important to note that bravery and self-confidence are two different things.  for girls like this, it’s easier to put themselves in harm’s way in defense of another than to take a compliment.  sounds weird, but it’s true.

as to how to help her, you’re going to have to hit her where it hurts.  hang with me because i know that sounds counter productive.

every time she apologizes for something she didn’t actually do, stop her.  don’t let her do it.  tell her “apology not accepted” because an apology is not necessary.  of course, she will apologize for apologizing and you’re going to have to shut that down too.

it’s going to be hard to get her to stop, but it’s going to be even harder to take the next step that will have to come right on the heels of making her shut up.

give her a minute to calm down because her stress level at being apology blocked is going to freak her right out.  you’ll need to breathe, too, because what you have to say next won’t be easy for either of you.

you’re going to have to expose her behavior for what it is. 

a lack of trust in you. 

ouch.  i know.  but i’ve been this girl and without some straight up truth, you’re not going to get anywhere with her. 

by constantly obsessing about disappointing you in some way, she is telling you that she doesn’t believe you when say she’s not doing that.  of course, she doesn’t see it that way.  at all.  which is why you have to be gentle but direct in how you say that to her.  you are also going to have to explain it to her by telling her that if she believed you when you say she’s not ranting/getting in the way/being a bother/controlling, she wouldn’t feel so compelled to apologize all the time.

she believes those things about herself because someone else made her believe them.  if she’s going to get better, she’s going to have to put her trust in the people who know that none of those things are true.

and obviously, when you say these things to her, she’s going to try and apologize and maybe cry and definitely freak out because you are telling her she has hurt you.

do. not. let. her. apologize.

take her hand or put your arm around her and let her know in no uncertain terms, that it’s okay to not be perfect and with you, even if she has moments when she is ranting/getting in the way/being a bother/controlling, she is safe.

ask her to trust you to tell her if there’s something she actually needs to be sorry for.

and last, but not even close to least, make sure she knows that you will stand between her and anyone would try to take advantage of her or make her feel like she has to make unnecessary apologies.  even if, or maybe especially if, it’s her own family.

she is going to have to ride in the wake of your confidence until she finds her own.

hope that helps.

oh so sincerely,

sharideth

any other suggestions for JTTHHO?

have you been the one trying to help with confidence or the one who needed the help?