Facebook relationship status break down

any idea how hard i didn’t have to look to find this gem among the bajillion that are out there?

Mark Zuckerberg should have shot on sight put a stop to whoever thought up the Facebook relationship status.  that person is clearly a sociopath who eats his or her (probably her) young.

but sharideth, her that person’s intentions were pure! she they just wanted people to be able to keep their friends in the loop!

no.

it’s innately evil and i’m going to tell you why.

excuse: i can let everyone know in one shot what’s going on, that way i don’t have to answer all the same questions over and over.

reality: i am offering an open invitation to my family, my friends, 19 probable adult film stars, a legion of crappy bands and that one guy i haven’t seen since the 6th grade to participate in my love life.  that way, when my status changes, they can fly into a wall posting frenzy and i will blow up like a tick on all the attention.

here’s the Facebook relationship status breakdown:

1.  single

  • excuse: i want you to think i’m super duper awesome with my singleness.
  • reality: i just want every other person i’m Facebook friends with, who could be potential date material, to know i’m available.

2. in a relationship

  • excuse: i want my snuggle puppy to know i’m proud of our relationship.
  • reality: i want everyone who i’ve ever dated or wanted to date to know they missed out.  especially that one ex who i’m not really over.

3. it’s complicated

  • excuse: i want people to think i’m complex and willing to work on the hard stuff.
  • reality: i am either being jerked around, doing the jerking or too yellow bellied to make a decision.

4. engaged

  • excuse: OMG! I’M GETTING MARRIED!
  • reality: OMG! I’M GETTING MARRIED! with a touch of smug.

5. in an open relationship

  • yes, that’s really on the list.
  • WTF?

6. married

  • excuse: i’m married.
  • reality: i’m married with a touch of “and you’re not”.

7. separated

  • excuse: things in my marriage are rocky and i’m being pathetically and publicly morbid about it.
  • reality: things in my marriage are rocky and i’m being pathetically and publicly morbid about it.

8. divorced

  • excuse: i’m divorced and proud of it?
  • reality: i’m divorced and am either rubbing it my ex’s face that it’s final or more bitter than burnt espresso roast.

even the best of relationship statuses can and do change.  the only one that can possibly be justified is the “married” status.  i’m even guilty of this one.  but the truth is, marriages end, too, then you’re still stuck explaining to everyone on your friends list.

any time you change your relationship status, and some of you are relationship status addicts and abusers, you invite more problems by making everyone a part of it.  you want people to stay out of it, but you have openly embraced their participation by broadcasting every change you make, dummy.

delete it.  you can make your relationship status disappear with the punch of a button.  when people ask you about it, tell them to butt the frack out.

stop attention whoring.

yeah, i said it.

any relationship status stories?

if you could add anything to status list, what would it be?

who’s going to delete their relationship status today?  who already has?

Advertisement

reconnecting with an old friend

i’m not calling this one a Dear Sharideth because it was in amongst the ask me anything questions and i kinda thought it could use its own blog post…

For starters…love the blog.

There is a girl I used to be very tight with, this is nearly 3 years ago now. I had a crush on her, and we suddenly stopped talking, and I’m not sure why exactly. Would it be weird to try talking to her again now? I don’t want anything romantic, just a friendship…is this possible? Or am I crazy?

for starters…the blog loves you, too.

and nope.  you are not crazy.

the remedy to this situation is probably the most appropriate use of social media there is.  email her or send her a message on Facebook.  i actually did this with a guy i dated who i had had exactly zero communication with in almost 20 years.  i ran into his mom and she was clearly not well.  i wanted to know if she was okay, so i contacted him.  he was glad i did and we’re now friends on Facebook.

no weirdness, just contact.  that’s what i recommend.  i wouldn’t even send her a friend request, just a note.

what i don’t recommend is immediately dropping the “why did we stop talking” bomb on her.  keep it light.  something simple like, “i was just thinking about you and decided to look you up.  how are things?”

then leave it be.

if you get a response, great.  friendship renewed.  if you don’t, let it go.  the reason is probably along the lines of she’s dating someone or married or whatever and isn’t comfortable rekindling a friendship with a man.  don’t take it as some sort of rejection of you personally.

and definitely don’t try again.  that just gets weird.  if she wants to communicate, you’ve given the means to do it.  leave the rest up to her.

anyone had a successful reconnection with an old friend or old flame?

any not so successful?

dear sharideth: letter #1

this is the first “dear sharideth” letter i’ve received.  weirdly enough, it wasn’t through this blog.  i’d really like to tell you i just made this one up for some good blog material.  but unfortunately i didn’t.  it’s only been edited for length.  and i suppose i should apologize up front for the hostile response, but i’m not really sorry.  so…

Dear Sharideth,

Recently my ex found me on Facebook.  Our relationship destroyed me.  He was manipulative and took every ounce of my self esteem, but I really loved him.  I knew he was bad for me, but I just couldn’t let it go.  He cheated on me so many times and didn’t even bother to hide it.  It was like he wanted me to know to hurt me.  Once we were over, it took me years to recover.

I’ve been married for 5 years now.  My husband is wonderful.  He helped me find myself again and tells me all the time how much he loves me and how lucky he feels to be married to me.  We have two daughters and my life is perfect.  Or at least I thought so until my ex contacted me.

I’ve always believed he was my soul mate.  I’ve never really gotten over him.  Now he tells me that he loves me and made a mistake and wants to see me.  Why does he want me now that I’m married?!  What do I do?  How do I handle this?  I’m so confused.  I’m crying all the time.  I’m thinking about seeing him…

Idiette in Indiana

dear idiette,

after reading over you email several times, i thought i would try to be sensitive to the fact that you are clearly struggling with strong emotions.

but then i decided not to do that at all.

not only is this emotional explosion completely baffling, but these are questions that have to be asked?  really?

what do you do? cut him off.  no facebook.  no phone calls.  no more moaning, wailing and gnashing of teeth.  maybe hire a hit.  whatever it takes to never, ever interact with him again.  genius, right?

i don’t think so either.

why does he want you now? how about because he’s a disgusting pig who feels powerful knowing he can get to you.  he doesn’t love you.  a real man who wanted the best for you would leave you and your family alone.  get over it.

how do you handle this? stop wallowing in a painful past and get back to loving your family.  instead of dissolving into a pile of tears and snot, why not try getting angry at him and at yourself for causing this ridiculous situation?  and for God’s sake, think long and hard about if and how to tell your husband about this.  “my ex contacted me on Facebook.  it spun me for a couple of days but i told him to leave me alone; that i’m married and i don’t want to hear from him.” is far more reasonable and less hurtful than “my ex contacted me on Facebook and i’ve been agonizing over leaving my family for a guy that abused me.”  get my drift?  something else to think about…even though i am almost always for total open communication, you might just think about keeping this nasty little bit to yourself to avoid hurting those that don’t deserve it.

while you’re at it, get some therapy. your willingness to rip your world apart at the seems for a tool who made you miserable is really, really busted.  soul mates?  i don’t think so.

oh so sincerely,

sharideth

commentary for the rest of you:

was that harsh?  you bet.  i do not take lightly the destruction of a family.  for any reason.  i don’t think people who are clearly making horrible decisions and inviting pain into the lives of children should be petted and coddled.  truth in its rawest form tends to work best at reflecting their actions back on them.  for the record, she thanked me.  several of her other friends were telling her things like “follow your heart” and “do what’s best for you”.  i call BS.

now, if you see yourself in this scenario on any level, listen up.  when you come into contact with an old flame, and are happily married or in a healthy relationship, be very careful.

today’s cyber world makes it all too easy for us to feel safe from crossing the fidelity line.  “it’s only internet flirting.  it’s not real.”  again i call BS. if you believe yourself to be too strong to succumb, you’re not.  it may only take longer than it took my friend.

no “might’ve been” is worthy of ruining the good life you’ve toiled so hard to build.  if there are struggles in your marriage, that doesn’t make you special.  it makes you either diligent and committed or selfish and shortsighted.  it just depends on how you choose to handle it.

no hate mail please.  i understand there are exceptions to my last statement.  but they are few.  real deal breakers can be counted on one hand.  or maybe less than one if you consider this list.

long blog short, think before you IM.  embrace the reality and give the online flirting flutters a big ‘ol “Talk To The Hand”.

for the married folk…what do you do to protect and insulate your marriage?

for the singles…how do you deal with former flames that weren’t good for you or broke your heart?