This is a Dear Sharideth that comes via a conversation I had with a friend. His whole life his parents told him their relationship was love at first sight. He’s spent the last 20+ years looking for that girl who would be the ying to his wang. He would just know. Ya know? That’s how it works, right? For his parents told him so.
Turns out, while talking to his mom a couple of weeks ago, it wasn’t love at first sight. It was a big ol’ case of She’s Just Not That Into You. She fell for his dad way later.
He was completely spun. This revelation took his romantic world view, skinned it alive, poured kerosene on it, set it aflame and threw it in front of a Greyhound. He was still getting his head around it when we talked. And lest you think this is some sheltered guy who walks around saying “ah shucks” a lot. I assure you, he is not. He is attractive, intelligent, street smart, driven…Truth is, he’s kind of a prize, ladies.
And he got duped. Big time.
I’m not going to argue the validity of love at first sight for two reasons:
- I already did that here: Love at First Sight. Real or Not Real (I wasn’t using capital letters when I wrote it and there are two spaces between my sentences, so sue me. Everybody changes. I’ll let you know as soon as my knuckles stop dragging.)
- That’s not what the conversation ended up being about.
As we talked, the conversation became less “love at first sight” and more “what else don’t I know”. I poured out wisdom on him that changed his life forever. He is now perfect and knows everything.
I said, “Beats me.”
Hint: It’s probably the second one.
What I was able to tell him and now you, is this:
Don’t tie yourself down to one idea or one “right way” to find that someone to love forever and ever and ever. Keep your vision panoramic. Be open to getting struck by lightening, but also be ready for the slow burn, the one who sneaks up on you when you thought she was just a friend.
Screw the formula. Ever eaten a truly spectacular something that was a created as a happy accident? You may never get it the same way again, but dang! it worked out great to take the chance on it.
Be in your world with your head up and your eyes open. Engage life and see what happens. Everything can be an opportunity. Clichés are neat!
Ever find out something you believed to be gospel about relationships wasn’t true? How did that change the way you see things now?
Do you believe in love at first sight?