Planning a wedding before there’s even a groom?

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Almost every little girl begins dreaming about her wedding on the day she see’s her first bride. I say “almost” because there’s a certain few for whom the whole thing is completely off their radar. I fall in that category. I didn’t start planning my wedding until my mom said, “We really need to plan something” and was all panicky and crap. I would have happily eloped if it wouldn’t have killed my parents.

But there’s a trend? that has come to my attention. Planning the wedding before there’s even a groom. I’m not talking about the wishing, imagining, dreaming with your girlfriends kind of planning. I’m talking meeting with florists, dress fittings kind of planning.

I know, right!?!

I saw an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where the bride hadn’t even been proposed to yet but there she was, gown shopping. Guys, would this not freak you right out? Seriously, I’d like to know your reaction if you found out a girl you were dating was already making serious wedding plans.

Then there was this article in the New York Times:

Married to the Plan. Still Looking for a Possible Groom.

If I were a guy, I’d be terrified. But maybe that’s just me. Since I was never into the whole wedding thing, maybe I just don’t get it. I asked Craig about it and before I even finished explaining he was shuddering and said, “No. That would freak me out. Is that what you call a doomsday prepper?”

It’s what I call jumping the shotgun.

Am I overreacting?

Guys, what would you feel like if you found out the girl you’re into already owned her wedding dress?

Ladies, would you do this? Can you explain why this might be happening?

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10 comments on “Planning a wedding before there’s even a groom?

  1. You’re not overreacting! It’s absolute madness. I think it’s a deal-breaker to be honest. It’s super assumptive, and if they’ll do something that crazy, then what else will they do? Get out while you can!!!!

  2. Sounds like an episode of Friends!

    I had no interest in weddings when I was growing up. I associated them with long, boring services and chalky little mints.

  3. Okay, I think I’m sitting on the fence on this issue. I completely agree it is insane to have purchased the dress or even tried them on for that matter. However, as someone who planned her own it eventually was called off wedding, I know what I like, what I want and that has been fine tuned since that point helping others plan their weddings. That being said, I am in no way married to the plan given it has been 5 years since and no man has appeared.

    I think Monica is a perfect example of the woman you’re discussing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uBAJUUrMME

  4. bubbs says:

    Doesn’t it kind of imply that it’s “her” wedding instead of “their” wedding?

    Pretty sure this would be a huge red flag, if not a deal breaker.

  5. Full disclosure: I have no love for weddings. Knowing what people will (over)pay for everything that goes into the typical modern wedding — and knowing how stressed people often get over them — I think they’re an astonishing waste of money and time.

    Still, having every detail planned without any input from the groom BECAUSE HE HASN’T YET BEEN IDENTIFIED is absurd beyond belief. And, to rephrase bubbs’ comment, it’s downright selfish. It makes the guy just another accessory to be acquired. I have no love for weddings, but if the wedding is planned before the guy is in the picture, it’s not a wedding. It’s a celebration of one person.

  6. Jennwith2ns says:

    I have a confession to make. I bought my dress before marriage had been proposed. Although even at the time I thought it was probably over the top and it was some time before I confessed to my husband that I had done it. In my defense:

    The man who is now my husband had already discussed (multiple times) that he wanted to get married to me. I had told him he couldn’t outright propose until we had known each other for a minimum of a certain amount of time, but he was already ready to ask, and I was technically already ready to say yes. I was browsing eBay in the sort of “wishing, imagining, dreaming” capacity during this “on hold” period and suddenly a dress jumped out at me. I acquired it for $24, so I figured if something bad went down, I wasn’t out a ton of money, and if all went as hoped, I had a “so me” wedding dress already. It worked out. But it’s not something I would actually RECOMMEND. (Also, this wasn’t full-out wedding planning–and the wedding itself was pretty low-budget, low-key. As evidenced by the price of the dress.)

  7. danidimps says:

    I’ve seen this before and I can’t imagine! So what happens when you don’t find mr. Right before the big day? Pay a homeless guy so your plans don’t fall through?

  8. My initial reaction was that this would be a deal-breaker, but upon further consideration, perhaps more of a signal rather than a filter, if you will… A yellow flag that I should proceed with caution. A -25 on a list of plusses and minuses, rather than a “DO NOT PROCEED.”

    Such a “bride” sounds loony and/or obsessed, but I’m willing to concede that other factors might change the final outcome.

    That said, I’m not “into” weddings, but if I do marry, I want to be involved in the planning (maybe *because* I’m not into them)…

  9. Mac says:

    I once dated a girl, and about a week into the relationship, I found out her mother had it all planned, down to the location, time of year, color scheme, music, the bride’s dress, what the groom would be wearing, etc.

    That was NOT the reason the relationship failed, but it’s up there for the creepiest things you’ll ever be told by your girlfriend’s mother.

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