Today’s question comes via a comment on my Why She Puts You in the Friend Zone post. Have a read….
I met this girl and we hit it off immediately. We hung out all the time and we bonded very easily, sharing a lot of the same humor, interests, etc. I asked her out after about 2 weeks but she said she wasn’t ready. Turns out she had just gotten out of a 1 1/2 year relationship with a guy that she almost married. Regardless of this rejection, we still hung out almost every day/talked every day. Looking back on it, it seems obvious that I was friendzoned then, but she told me “I like to be friends with guys before I consider seriously dating them”. This spoke to me as “keep going, you’re on the right path”. I would remind her from time to time that I was still interested but was told no. Finally, two days ago I was officially friendzoned for good (maybe? Probably lolol) but her reasoning was just that “her heart wasn’t in it”. Sounds like a #3 situation, but she told me that in the beginning she was initially attracted to me as a love interest. I just don’t know where I went wrong. I wasn’t passive about what I wanted, and let her know my intentions early and often. Am I just THAT unlucky? Or y’all think there is something I missed? – Levi
Great name. Very biblical and full of denim durability. So yeah, you got friendzoned harder than Grape Nuts. My instinct is that you are correct about being in the “she’s just not that into you” category. Girls don’t friendzone guys they’re into. They just don’t.
As far as I can tell, you did do everything right. Reminding her you were still interested was good work. My only question is, did you date other girls while you were waiting on her or not? Because you should have. Waiting on someone who has told she’s not “ready” is a self-inflicted purgatory. Why? Because when a girl says she’s not ready to date after a long relationship, most of the time, that’s a lie.
A Biggest Loser sized one.
She probably doesn’t even know she’s lying, but she is. I’ve rarely met a girl who makes this claim and won’t immediately go on a date with someone she’s really attracted to. I’m not saying she won’t still be hung up on the ex, God knows that’s entirely possible, but there’s nothing like being asked out by someone she finds super cute to soothe the savage ego. It could be your girl may have been truly wrecked after her relationship and no one looked good to her. It happens. But if she were into you, she would have eventually come around.
Sucks. I know.
Moral of the story, declare yourself but don’t wait around after she says no. Feel free to keep the idea of her on the back burner, but a man’s gotta eat and that means actually cooking. That’s front burner stuff. Otherwise your most intimate relationships are going to be with Netflix and your PS3.
Oh so sincerely,
*terrible analogy brought to you by the number 2 and the fact that I’m hungry*
What else would you guys tell our friend?