My Top 10 Best Last Minute Valentine’s Day Gifts

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow you say? You still don’t have a gift for her? Sharideth, where the hell have you been in the last 3 weeks you ask?

The easy answer to the last question is that my entire family has been on flu death watch since the 3rd week of January. All four of us. So I didn’t write. I had nothing to give. The best thing you would have gotten out of me is “don’t date assholes, don’t be an asshole, get a flu shot.”

But I’m back now. Just in time to make your procrastinating ass look like a hero, because it’s all stuff you can make happen in the next 24 hours.

Here’s my updated list of how to make Valentine’s Day a rousing success. Arousing success? Whatever. Here it is:

10.  Spa Package – Cliche? Yes. Desirable? Hells yeah. Now where this gets tricky is whether or not you make it a couples spa package or just for her. The easy, untricky answer? If she has kids, make it just for her. Dating? Newly married? No kids? Feel free to couple it up.

Pic via VIvoDaySpa.com

Pic via VIvoDaySpa.com

9.  Kidnap a Whole Foods Worker – But only temporarily and don’t leave the store. Put on your best pathetic face and hand over your credit card. Get wine, cheese, meats, olives, awesome crusty bread and a couple of tall candles. Picnic away in your living room. Especially if you’re in the Northeast and Nemo is still trying to turn you into Abominable Bumble.

thanksgiving_picnic-726560

8.  Mix Tape – Okay, so it will probably take CDR form but you get my meaning. It’s still a classic. And if you’re feeling particularly romantic, you can add some voice overs with your thoughts about what makes her so super keen and/or play it while holding a boom box above your head outside her window. Trust me, there isn’t a girl alive who wouldn’t swoon over your Lloyd Dobler moment.

7.  The Siamese Slanket – What better way to say “I love you” than mixing some political incorrectness with your cozy? As soon as you get off work, head to Bed, Bath and Beyond and get yourself one of these. You heard me. Having to go there is your penance for having waited so damn long. While you’re at it, put together a movie basket of Red Vines (Twizzlers are gross), Junior Mints, Raisinets (or Milk Duds), popcorn and maybe a bottle of wine. Hit the Netflix and boom! Snuggle time.

6.  Reservations –  You’re going to have scramble and find some place that still has openings, but it can be done. The beauty of this one is that there is no reason for her to ever know that you pulled this off the day before/day of. Let her believe it was the surprise you’ve had in your pocket for weeks.

romantic+dinner

5.  Polaroid Night – Buy yourself a Polaroid camera and a bunch of film and take her out to Chuck E Cheese, a playground, dinner, hockey game, TPing a friend’s house, all of the above and capture it all instantly in pictures. What did you just say? Sharideth, that is genius? I know.

090605-polaroid-portraits

4.  Whatever She Needs – Sometimes there’s something that she’s been needing that she can’t or won’t buy for herself. Get it for her. You’ll be surprised how much she’ll appreciate it. Even if it’s a dishwasher. *cough*Craig*cough* Or maybe her computer bag is falling apart and you just noticed because I happened to mention it and now you can look like you’re paying attention by buying her a new one. A NICE new one.

Style-2012-vintage-men-GENUINE-LEATHER-Shoulder-Messenger-bag-13-inch-laptop-computer-bag-ipad-bag

3.  Whatever She Likes – What does she enjoy? What’s her fun thing? What’s she into? Get her something unique to her. Again, paying attention points.

2.  Whatever She Wants – What has she been talking about wanting? Have you been listening, because she’s been telling you for the last month and a half what she’d like to have. Think about it, my last minute friend. It’s already in your brain, you’ve just got to dig it out. Just so long as it isn’t one of those terrible butt shaped Open Heart atrocities.

1.  Flowers – I know, I know. I’ve railed against giving flowers before. Shut up and listen for a second. Flowers done wrong ARE THE WORST. But flowers done right…sorry girls, I’m about to out us all. Getting flowers is okay, but getting flowers delivered to a place where everyone can see you getting flowers, is how it’s done. The neener neener neener factor is huge. Girls love the “I got them and you didn’t” feeling. We are all terrible people inside when it comes to flowers. Super flower wins include having them delivered to her work place (if she works with a bunch of women), having them delivered to her while she’s out with her friends (maybe the day before) and having them delivered to the restaurant where you’ll be having dinner.

And for goodness sake, be more creative than roses.  *see below*

If you’re taking her out for dinner/drinks and can’t get them delivered, buy her a corsage ahead of time and present her with it before you get where you’re going. Make it a pretty one. Find a gay florist and pay him whatever it takes for something stunning. She’ll be charmed right out of her bloomers.

rock-candy-bouquet

Okay ladies, help them out.  What else?

You. Are. Welcome.

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28 comments on “My Top 10 Best Last Minute Valentine’s Day Gifts

  1. Rachael says:

    My husband once had flowers sent to me at work for Valentine’s Day. It’s one of the very few times he has given me flowers. It was a purple Iris bouquet. He actually remembered that I had used them in our wedding flowers.
    The neener neener factor . . . priceless. 🙂

  2. Katie M says:

    I got homemade canned soup one year for Valentine’s Day. Don’t. Do. That.

    I agree with the flowers situation. I say I don’t want them, but I do. We love it when women crowd around us as we read the card to see if we blush and giggle.

    PS – LUV the fingerless gloves.

  3. Craig Alvin says:

    So you want a car stereo? Is that what I’m supposed to get from this? I already bought you a vacum. That doesn’t count?

  4. I bought my wife a nice bracelet for Christmas. She was upset because she really wanted a Carhartt jacket. That is just how she rolls.

  5. Catalina says:

    Love the wine glass!!!!

  6. Matt Gates says:

    I once recorded a 3 song EP for a girl I was dating for her birthday which included one song that I’d written specifically for her. By the time Valentine’s Day rolled around though she had long since broken up with me so any songs I had written about her at that point were all kinds of bitter and I don’t think she would have appreciated them as much. 🙂

  7. Jenn says:

    So I have received a mix tape – I have to say as much as you might want to educate her on the wonders of your music taste – understand that the purpose of the gift is to get her to listen to the whole cd.

    As to the flowers – yes know which ones she loves – roses are not the only way to a heart.

    Yes I think you got it perfect with getting her something she needs/wants. Just think about it gentlemen, she likely spends money on something on a regular basis you can buy for her.

  8. Appreciate this. Of course, this doesn’t change the fact that I’m still single (something that makes for good blog fodder), but I’m taking notes for future reference.

  9. kristinherdy says:

    I saw those flowers and had a reaction. When I say I don’t want flowers, I really don’t want flowers. Those star gazer lilies can kill me. Lots of flowers make me sick.

    I’m not into spa days, either. Should I turn in my girl card?

    I want something thoughtful and create. I probably won’t get that, but dadgummit, if you love me, you should know what would make my day. Last year, I got concert tickets, which was perfect.

  10. […] A Woman’s Guide to Women: A Blog for Men. Last week she posted the 10 worst gifts and the 10 best gifts for Valentine’s Day. Also good: The Keeper and An Open Letter to Nice […]

  11. Blake says:

    Um, did you really just reference an Ashton Kutcher movie?

    And did I really just get your Ashton Kutcher movie reference?

    SMH

  12. […] i’ve done the “top 10 best Valentine’s Day gifts” and the “top 10 bad Valentine’s Day gifts”.  time for the weird and the fun in […]

  13. Let’s not forget that those awful Open Hearts things also look like Trogdor the Burninator:

    Open Hearts:

    Trogdor:

  14. Jennwith2ns says:

    So right on with your description of the “open heart atrocities.” I’m so glad I’m not the only one who sees butts when I look at those. My stepdaughter has one and sometimes it’s all I can do not to admit to her face I hate them and explain why. I’m pretty sure our step-lationship would go right down the crapper if I did, though.

  15. Soul Walker says:

    If anyone ever gets me redvines instead of twizzlers I will throw my drink in their face… unless my drink is coffee, in which case I will slowly finish my drink and walk away. It should be noted, however that if you like redvines and hate twizzlers it could be a good thing if you ever lived with me because I would never eat your redvines and you would never eat my twizzlers… just don’t ever try to give me redvines.

  16. “don’t date assholes, don’t be an asshole, get a flu shot.” Best advice I’ve ever read on the internetz.

  17. Lauren says:

    Once I got flowers from my sister’s boyfriend because he didn’t want me to feel left out. It won him major brownie points with her. On a completely unrelated side note, I just walked past a line for speed dating at my college and the line was ALL guys except for one freaked out looking girl. I LOL’d.

  18. turnerbethany says:

    You are so, so, so right on the neener, neener factor. Another idea along those lines are for him to deliver them himself just so he can stop by and say hi.

  19. shamwowmarie says:

    So, I still think my one of my favorite valentine’s was spent with you and Craig. Nothing fancy or expensive, just the ‘soul’ cards i can’t forget.

    So… another great gift idea, a good sense of humor or inside jokes, it’s especially useful if you are low on funds.

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