Hello, my name is Sharideth and I am a recovering terrible person on the internet. I’ve been reasonable for 3 years now withtheexceptionoftwoslipsbothofwhichiregret.
You think I’m mean now? God help you if you said something I disagreed with on the interwebz. You should have seen me before I made a conscious decision to stop being an anonymous tyrant to people whose word smithing wasn’t as good as mine. I was masterful at making people feel like remedial asshats.
You think junior high girls know how slaughter each other? Add years of experience and raging mom hormones.
Don’t I sound like someone you would like to know? Yeah, you should really have read that last line with a Gotye beat.
I’m better now. A lot better. Oh yes, I was that bad. I became that way because I spent WAY too much time on a website that’s pretty much a Myspace for moms. I was kind of a big deal. My blog posts regularly made the top 10 out of tens of thousands. I had minions. It was a kingdom of vicious bitches and I was their queen.
The blog I’m about to deconstruct is just one example of why I continually blew a gasket for hours a day on this particular website.
I’m only posting the high points here, but you can read the whole awful thing right here.
Awesome. Let’s do this. My response is in blue. It’s a calming color.
1.) No, honey, he wasn’t that cute: Picture this. You just left Les Miserables starring the adorable (handsome, sexy, large, strong) Hugh Jackman and your man is feeling a little insecure. If this were you, would you REALLY want him telling you that Amanda Seyfried is so beautiful, especially when you are rocking the top knot and J.Crew Saturday pants? I think not. He would lie to you. You should do the same. ~Really? You can’t handle that celebrities are attractive and neither can he? That’s more than a little insecure, Babydoll. P.S. Amanda Seyfried is hawt.
2.) I have a headache: It’s a cliché for a reason. There are some nights sex just sounds really unappealing. But he doesn’t need to hear that. All he needs to know is that he’s not getting laid for a good reason. So give him one. Even if it’s a lie. ~ There are not sufficient words to express how much I hate this. And I know a lot of words. I’ve even talked about it on my sex podcast. Ladies, don’t do this. He knows you don’t have a headache. A man would rather hear, “I’m just not up for it tonight” than a lie. A lie leaves too much room for speculation. Don’t do that to him.
3.) You look great: Men get insecure, too. They want to know how their shoes look with those jeans or if their button-down is too tight. Sometimes it’s good to be honest. But sometimes they just want to hear they look good. Even if they don’t. ~ Guys, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong but it’s been my experience that you’d rather know if you look like a douche before you leave the house. If I let Craig leave wearing something, ummm, unflattering, especially after he asked me if it looked good, he’d be pissed. Ladies, this is transference. Men don’t react to “that makes your butt look big” the same way we do.
4.) I didn’t notice you put on any weight at all!: Yes. We did. But there is a time and place for honesty, and when he is feeling low or bad about himself is NOT that time. ~ Granted you need some diplomacy here. Maybe a “there’s just more of you to love” or a “let’s get a gym membership!” or imgoingtopretendididnthearhimsaythat might be in order, but don’t lie. P.S. If you go with option 3, he probably won’t repeat himself. Just FYI.
5.) It was on sale: While generally I am not one to condone lying about money and, in general, you shouldn’t, men do get all bent out of shape about things they don’t get. Like, yes, some women pay $200 jeans. This shouldn’t be that shocking. But for some men it is. If you tell them things are on sale, sometimes they relax. Sometimes they don’t. But, you know, that’s a discussion for another time. ~ Never ever ever never EVER lie about money. Ever. It’s a top reason for divorce. Just don’t do it. And discussion for another time? Seriously? You need to write a whole other blog to sort out how to deal with whether or not your husband relaxes over you lying about spending $200 on jeans? Okay. I can’t help you.
Now you know why I had to leave that website. I only found out about this post because it somehow popped up in my Facebook feed.
I’m also going to have to spend the day working my way back from obvious regression.
God, grant me the serenity to ignore stupidity on the internet. Courage to walk away from efights. And wisdom to know when to knock it the hell off.
Hello, my name is Sharideth and I am recovering terrible person on the internet. I’ve been reasonable for 12 seconds now.
Is it every okay to lie to your partner? Why or why not?
Ever been sucked into internet fights? Did you revel in it the way I did?