Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Mariah Carey and Tommy Mottola/Nick Cannon, Anna Nicole Smith and The Crypt Keeper…
Ah love. It knows no boundary of age.
Except when it does.
Do I have a problem with May December relationships? No. Do I have a problem with calling them May December relationships? Yes. Because WTF?
Anyway, relationships with age gaps can totally work if both people are on the same page and it doesn’t involve any emotional weirdness. Don’t worry, I’ll get to what that means.
A friend of mine is in his 30’s and he had written off dating early 20-somethings because he wasn’t really into the idea of dating someone in such a different stage of life. That is until he met my friends who are 15ish years apart and happily married. Marvin (we’ll call him Marvin because he’ll think it’s funny but will hate it just a little bit) had been through a horrific divorce, has 2 boys and a vasectomy. Raquelle (we’ll call her Raquelle because…I don’t know, we just will) had never been married, practically raised her younger brothers and sisters and wanted kids of her own.
Fast forward 3 years of marriage…Seeing how sweet they are together could give you adult-onset diabetes. Raquelle is an amazing step-mom and he’s getting a reversal on his vasectomy.
Marvin’s ex-wife, who I would punch in the neck given the chance because she a horrible person, hates the very site of Raquelle. Marrying a hotter, skinnier, nicer, YOUNGER woman can also have the added benefit of sheer pride.
Anyway, my friend who wouldn’t date younger women met Marvin and Raquelle and his perspective changed. He saw a relationship with a significant age gap work. Like, really work.
But there are a couple of things you want to watch out for.
If you are the older one in the relationship:
Make sure the person you’re dating doesn’t have daddy issues. Oh yes, it happens. Craig gets hit on by early 20-somethings all the time. It use to be flattering (I’m sure it still is on some level). But now that he’s in his mid-40s with a 15 year old daughter, he finds it really disturbing. His first question is why would a girl that young hit on a man twice her age? Good question. It could be that she’s looking for someone to take care of her. It could be that his beard is like a flame of temptation to the hottie moths. It certainly isn’t the fact that they see his wedding ring.
If a man Craig’s age were single and still attracting PYTs, he’d have to be very careful of the girl’s motives. Is she looking for a father figure? Is she looking for a sugar daddy? Does she just like older dudes? Sometimes it can be hard to tell.
If you are the younger one in the relationship:
Just make sure you are given the respect and freedom you have already earned as a grown ass man. Some older women like to control their younger men. If she’s cool and you get along and she respects you, awesome. Cougar it up.
As long as everyone is on the same page, age doesn’t have to be an obstacle to a relationship. The biggest thing you will have to worry about is kids. Kids are deal breaker. If you want them and she doesn’t or visa versa, end it. Period. There is no compromise on having children. If you can think how to do that, I’m all ears. I’ve seen marriages end over different desires where kids are concerned. The assumption is if you go ahead and get married, eventually you’ll be on the same page. No. You won’t. Save everyone a lot of drama and pain and move on.
Other than that, have at it. Find someone you click with no matter what the age gap and live long and prosper.
What are some benefits to being with someone younger/older than you are?
What are some drawbacks?
What the heck does May December mean?