the lead ad for this article was “Give the Gift of Nautica”, so set expectations to nonexistent.
p.s. sorry about the weird formatting change that happens. (you’ll see what i mean). it was done by AskMen.com and i couldn’t fix it unless i wanted to recreate the entire article without cutting and pasting, which i was not willing to do because lazy.
25 Christmas gifts for her
Williams-Sonoma hot chocolate
Nothing’s cozier than coming in from the cold and sipping some rich hot chocolate. These two flavors will satisfy her taste buds all winter long, and she’ll be more than happy to share the deliciousness with you. Price: $19.50 Buy it here
they’re right about the coziness, but what you didn’t see is this quote right before the list started:
“It’s stereotypical, but so true: Women love chocolate.”
aka, go ahead and shut off the thoughtfulness switch, guys. just hit the default button and you’re home free. you deserve whatever you get or don’t get, respectively, if you give her only hot chocolate.
Kate Spade desktop calendar
Help a girl manage her hectic life with this multipurpose planner. This 12-month calendar lets her map out her personal and professional life, keep track of important contacts and even leaves room for doodling.
Buy it here
ahh, the all important room for doodling…ugh, is this over yet? no? there’s 23 more? i may not make it.
p.s. do not buy her a calendar.
Godiva holiday truffle gift box
It’s stereotypical, but so true: Women love chocolate. This Godiva gift set will allow your lady to pick and choose — dark chocolate, milk chocolate, eggnog, or spicy gingerbread? The choice is hers. Melt her heart with the gift of holiday truffles that melt in her mouth.
Buy it here
more chocolate? really, AskMen.com? granted, Godiva is magically delicious, but should never be a primary gift. i mean, like, ever.
Alphabet letter bag
Simple, functional and personalized, this tote will be any girl’s best friend. She might use it as a purse, a gym bag or a briefcase, but she’ll definitely use it. This no-frills tote will be much appreciated and will quickly become an indispensable part of her day-to-day life.
Buy it here
what special girl in your life wouldn’t swoon over a canvas bag with a letter on it?
answer: all of them.
Vanity Fair, one year subscription
Fashion, pop culture and politics — she’ll be grateful for a yearlong subscription to the one magazine that brings them all together. This reasonably priced coffee-table conversation starter is really a gift that keeps on giving — for 12 months.
Buy it here
what do you want to bet that AskMen.com has a finger in the Vanity Fair pie? unless this subscription actually comes with Johnny Depp, skip it.
yet another brilliantly insightful quote from the article:
“She loves hot chocolate in winter, so why shouldn’t she love frozen hot chocolate in the summer?”
Each piece of chocolate in this 49-count box has its own individual flavor. To ensure that all the subtleties of that flavor are unmasked, the French chocolatier removes all unnecessary sugar and fat, resulting in a light but defined bite.
seriously!?!?!11 just how much chocolate do you think we need?!
The new larklife wristband and app go way beyond standard heart-rate and calories-burned tracking. The system works around the clock to track sleep patterns, eating and hydration habits, and exercise routines toward encouraging a healthier, more energized life.
unless she specifically asks for this, do. not. give. her. one. of. these. especially if you want to keep her around long enough for the next gift giving crisis.
A modern take on a timeless gift, Lauren’s gloves combine the winter protection of cashmere, wool and leather with touch-sensitive thumb and index fingertips. The gloves stay on when texting and navigating the touchscreen, keeping fingers warm and limber.
this is actually acceptable. go figure. but like chocolate, probably not the best plan as the primary thing you give her. not a lot of “i really thought about you” in gloves.
She loves hot chocolate in winter, so why shouldn’t she love frozen hot chocolate in the summer? This box provides everything needed to whip up the famously creamy and delicious iced beverage from New York’s Serendipity 3.
oh, for the love of …..!!!!!
The Tranquil Moments alarm clock doesn’t just wake her up; it also puts her to sleep. A selection of 16 soothing sounds lulls her gradually into the open arms of slumber. That same type of calming, natural sound pulls her out of that slumber in the morning. It should prove a welcome change from the sudden, heart-jumping blare of other alarm clocks.
this is a fine gift…if she asks for one. while it is certainly more thoughtful than just about anything else on this list so far, it will never leave its box unless it was already on her radar.
Buying an iPhone as a gift won’t gain you any originality points, but she’ll be too busy fondling its svelte lines and eyeballing its four-inch screen to care. Unveiled just in time for the merry season, the latest iPhone is faster, more powerful and thinner than ever.
this…is good. if she complains that it’s not a Blackberry or Android, dump her.
You don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to step up the romance. It’s cold, you’re spending time together and there’s no reason not to pull out all the stops. This basket combines a quality bubbly from Dom with plenty of delectable chocolate-coated strawberries for each of you.
From the pristine backdrop of the Canadian Rockies, Rocky Mountain Soap procures the most natural, soothing ingredients for its handmade soaps and body care products. This gift box showers her from head to toe with the bright aroma of freshly clipped lemongrass.
again, side gift. not completely terrible unless it’s the only thing you give her. and the other thing had better not be chocolate.
Scarlet & Argent Chamber Blanket
Give her a blanket that’s fit for royalty. Scarlet & Agent has been offering luxurious blankets for more than two centuries and even boasts about supplying Queen Elizabeth II. The Chamber Blanket combines satin edging with a 100% lambswool body for a plush, warm feel.
*sigh* this is okay, too, but still falls in the category of “nice but generic gift i could give to any female in my life and be safe”.
Nothing starts the day off better than a cup of good coffee, and the YouBrew makes that coffee better and easier than ever. The coffeemaker with integrated grinder combines just the right amount of coffee and water for the perfect cup (or 12), based on the strength setting selected. Instead of just dripping hot water over ground beans, the YouBrew can steep the coffee for a fuller flavor that’s comparable to the one you get with a French press.
wow. ummm…all right. i like a practical gift. i’ve asked for a dish washer this year, actually. but here’s a piece of advice, guys. unless she asks for something practical and really, really, super sincerely means that’s what she’d like to have, don’t do it. i really, really, super sincerely want a dish washer and craig still refuses to buy it for me for christmas. “we’ll buy that because we need it, not because it’s christmas.” good man, my boy.
Functional and fashionable, this ornate hand-blown wine aerator adds flavor to the wine and style to the table. The included vacuum pump keeps any leftovers fresh.
so far, the iPhone is winning for the only real gift listed. this is fine. but no more than fine.
Cold weather, warm fire, whisky-saturated eggnog — things are bound to get naughty before they get nice. The Jimmy Jane Love Connection kit makes sure they stay that way come January 2nd. The wide-angle conference cameras provide a sweeping view, while the included toys make sure there’s something to watch. It’s the perfect way to keep the steam firing when you spend time apart.
as a sex podcaster, which i am in case you didn’t know, i approve this message. however, a word of caution. do not spring something like this on her if you’ve never before discussed such things and make sure you also have something that she’s asked for handy, as well.
This little diary gives her the perfect outlet for her sentimentality. She can relive every concert, movie, ball game and event by keeping the ticket stubs. And you can pull the diary out when you’re in the doghouse and need to soften her up.
i, uh…would she even…but it’s a…
um, if she’s into this sort of thing, she probably already has the scrapbook going. at least that would be my guess, because this one really confuses me.
L.L. Bean Daybreak Scuffs with Dog Motif
These versatile slippers will reach her heart straight through her feet. A Sherpa fleece sock lining is warm and soft against the skin, while an anti-slip rubber outsole lets the slippers walk right out of the house. When placed together, they create a prancing puppy.
slippers are okay, too, but, again, side gift, you thoughtless punks.
Let her know that her point of view is always appreciated with this innovative camera. The wearable camera takes photos on its own, letting her capture her experiences in a whole new way.
not gonna lie, i kind of like this one.
Some folks don’t mind the massive tangle of wires and power cords, so long as it supports an array of functional electronics. Some, however, like things neat. Dotz Cord Identifiers give each cord a label and makes them all easy to organize.
The MOTOACTV tracks location, heart rate, speed and other exercise information. The integrated smart MP3 player keeps the rhythm flowing. It works with more than 40 different sports and activities.
didn’t we already see something like this and it was terrible the first time?
Tiffany Solitaire Diamond Pendant
Nothing makes a woman’s heart skip a beat like that little blue box — except maybe the shiny treat waiting inside. In this case, it’s a mesmerizing round diamond and platinum pendant hanging off a 16-inch chain. Word to the wise: If you’re hovering around “Will he pop the question?” territory, you may want to find a bigger box.
better. this is definitely better. just make sure she’s a jewelry girl. not all of us are. i’ve been wearing the same earrings for 15 years.
Agraria AirEssence Oils
Agraria’s AirEssence Oils are a simple, natural way of adding a hint of spice, fruit or wood to the home. The oil-filled Italian perfume bottle rests on an antiqued mirrored tray, appealing to both the eyes and nose.
these are bathroom accessories. do not do this.
okay, i know i’ve not been very helpful about what to get her for christmas. but never fear. that’s coming this week. i won’t let you down. besides, we all know you haven’t bought her anything yet anyway.