i’ve read your blog for some time now and have encountered a christian dating conundrum that i figured i’d ask you about.
I am 24 and have never had a boyfriend, been on a date (at least to my knowledge) nor have I ever been kissed.
after ruling out the guys at my church as possible options due to excessive awkwardness, i decided to visit other churches. at my cousins church, i spotted the guy of my dreams. litterally. he’s 6’3 (i’m 6ft), super cute, super nice and very into church. we were briefly introduced, he gave me a hug and when i was leaving, he said it was very nice to meet me. you know, typical friendly “come to church again” type stuff.
what do i do to make him like me? is there a move that needs to be made? or must he make it? if he must make it, how do i indicate i’d like a movement made? what do i need to be to be a well rounded 24 yr old woman? what are things i should have figured out and settled before looking to persue and possibly date someone?
what do i do?
clueless and perpetually single
dear CAPS (daily recommended dose of irony included),
wow. your questions got bigger and bigger there toward the end. kind of like a crescendo of “ahhhhh!!?!?!!dating?!?!?1?!!!cymbalcrash!!!!”
so let’s take them one at a time. mmmkay? mmmkay.
what do i do to make him like me? – you could look up all sorts of nifty tips and tricks on youtube to get a man to notice you. some of them are even pretty dang effective. they are also manipulative, generally dishonest and kind of give decent girls a “i feel really crappy about that” hangover the next day. there is no “make him like me”. there is only get him interested. the tricks are usually effective until a man (with any sort of value) has a conversation with the girl and realizes her appeal stops at her sassy red top. what you want is confidence. pull your shoulders back and own every inch of who you are. men recognize and are attracted to a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. they are even attracted to a woman who is clearly working hard at being comfortable in her own skin but is still in process. so be direct. stand up straight, look him in the eye and talk. it’s like catnip for dudes and it makes you feel pretty dang powerful. also, sassy red tops could never hurt…
is there a move that needs to be made? or must he make it? if he must make it, how do i indicate i’d like a movement made? – that’s your call. it’s whatever
you’re most comfortable with your head tells you is right for you. i crossed out the “comfortable” part because sometimes you have to blow a hole through comfortable to get to the prize. i know there’s all sorts of Christian books about men being required to make the first move and that’s fine. also, total crap. the bible has almost nothing to say about dating and protocol, so set your own standards based on what you think the situation calls for.
my favorite line that was always very effective for me in my dating years and bridged the gap between me asking him out and him asking me out: when a conversation is ending and you’re about to go your separate ways, say, “this was fun. you should probably ask me out sometime. see you later.” then walk away. DO NOT wait for him to respond. it’ll take him a minute to put his jaw back in place so give him up to a day or two to recover. if he doesn’t ask you out after that, move on.
what do i need to be to be a well rounded 24 yr old woman? – read this. it’s what i tell men to look for in a woman. and again, stand up straight. shoulders back. owning it.
what are things i should have figured out and settled before looking to persue and possibly date someone? – for this, i just want you to take a breath. if everyone waited to have stuff figured out before dating, everyone would be spectacularly alone. the only thing you might want to have a handle on is understanding your own value. you don’t have to have yourself figured out. you don’t have to have a Power Point of your life plan. you just have to expect to be valued because you know you are valuable.
now. go get him.
oh so sincerely,
what other advice do you have for our friend?