dear sharideth: How do I get him interested?

Hello Sharideth!

i’ve read your blog for some time now and have encountered a christian dating conundrum that i figured i’d ask you about.

I am 24 and have never had a boyfriend, been on a date (at least to my knowledge) nor have I ever been kissed. 

after ruling out the guys at my church as possible options due to excessive awkwardness, i decided to  visit other churches. at my cousins church, i spotted the guy of my dreams. litterally. he’s 6’3 (i’m 6ft), super cute, super nice and very into church. we were briefly introduced, he gave me a hug and when i was leaving, he said it was very nice to meet me. you know, typical friendly “come to church again” type stuff.

what do i do to make him like me? is there a move that needs to be made? or must he make it? if he must make it, how do i indicate i’d like a movement made? what do i need to be to be a well rounded 24 yr old woman? what are things i should have figured out and settled before looking to persue and possibly date someone?

what do i do?

sincerely,

clueless and perpetually single

dear CAPS (daily recommended dose of irony included),

wow. your questions got bigger and bigger there toward the end. kind of like a crescendo of “ahhhhh!!?!?!!dating?!?!?1?!!!cymbalcrash!!!!”

so let’s take them one at a time. mmmkay? mmmkay.

what do i do to make him like me? you could look up all sorts of nifty tips and tricks on youtube to get a man to notice you. some of them are even pretty dang effective. they are also manipulative, generally dishonest and kind of give decent girls a “i feel really crappy about that” hangover the next day. there is no “make him like me”. there is only get him interested. the tricks are usually effective until a man (with any sort of value) has a conversation with the girl and realizes her appeal stops at her sassy red top. what you want is confidence. pull your shoulders back and own every inch of who you are. men recognize and are attracted to a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. they are even attracted to a woman who is clearly working hard at being comfortable in her own skin but is still in process. so be direct. stand up straight, look him in the eye and talk. it’s like catnip for dudes and it makes you feel pretty dang powerful. also, sassy red tops could never hurt…

is there a move that needs to be made? or must he make it? if he must make it, how do i indicate i’d like a movement made? that’s your call. it’s whatever you’re most comfortable with your head tells you is right for you. i crossed out the “comfortable” part because sometimes you have to blow a hole through comfortable to get to the prize. i know there’s all sorts of Christian books about men being required to make the first move and that’s fine. also, total crap. the bible has almost nothing to say about dating and protocol, so set your own standards based on what you think the situation calls for.

my favorite line that was always very effective for me in my dating years and bridged the gap between me asking him out and him asking me out: when a conversation is ending and you’re about to go your separate ways, say, “this was fun. you should probably ask me out sometime. see you later.” then walk away. DO NOT wait for him to respond. it’ll take him a minute to put his jaw back in place so give him up to a day or two to recover. if he doesn’t ask you out after that, move on.

what do i need to be to be a well rounded 24 yr old woman? read this. it’s what i tell men to look for in a woman. and again, stand up straight. shoulders back. owning it.

what are things i should have figured out and settled before looking to persue and possibly date someone? – for this, i just want you to take a breath. if everyone waited to have stuff figured out before dating, everyone would be spectacularly alone. the only thing you might want to have a handle on is understanding your own value. you don’t have to have yourself figured out. you don’t have to have a Power Point of your life plan. you just have to expect to be valued because you know you are valuable.

now. go get him.

oh so sincerely,

sharideth

what other advice do you have for our friend?

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7 comments on “dear sharideth: How do I get him interested?

  1. hiddinsight says:

    This was TERRIFIC advice! I have nothing to add.

  2. Abby says:

    I agree that the “Things to have figured out or settled before dating” list is pretty short or even nonexistent. I used to have a long list but eventually realized I will never arrive at “perfect” on that list (or even at “good enough” because I’m a perfectionist). Now I have more of “things to be working on and heading in the right direction because that’s life” list. It is more about the kind of person I want to be than it is a pre-dating checklist.

    I love your favorite line but would never have the guts to say it to someone!

  3. Cathi Smith says:

    Good advice Sherideth. I too like that direct approach of “this was fun. you should probably ask me out sometime. see you later.” then walk away.

  4. Michael Mock says:

    Put yourself out there. Make mistakes. Learn from them.

    Have hobbies and interests – things you enjoy doing, and things you enjoy talking about. Be willing to talk about – and listen to, and try out – things that are new to you. Aim for a balance in conversations; you shouldn’t be talking all the time, but you also shouldn’t be listening (and/or waiting quietly) all the time, either.

    That’s all I’ve got.

  5. Kati says:

    LOVE your direct approach. Might have to give it a try. 😉

    • jonnybeing good says:

      hey id be very interested in a girl that said something like that lol if only you lived not to far away from me.

  6. Clint says:

    Be confident. I know that’s not an easy thing to be told to be, but it works. Also, know what you believe, what your values are, what makes you tick. In my life I have found that the girls/women I have been attracted knew who they were and what they wanted. We didn’t always agree on everything, but if she could back her opinions up with facts and a solid foundation, I would feel even more attracted to her despite our disagreements.

    Of course none of this matters if you don’t actually spend time together. I would suggest finding common groups, gatherings, parties, opportunities to serve, whatever, to get to know each other without all the pressure of dating. But don’t become a stalker. If you show up at everything he does, it’s a little creepy. Like I said, know who you are. Do the things you like or want to do. Don’t do something he does just because he does it. If it absolutely annoys you or you have no interest in it, be yourself and skip it. And be bold about it if he asks why you seem to cross paths more often. If it becomes apparent to him that you’re hanging around him more often, just admit it and tell him why. Maybe by that time he’s already picked up the hint. Either he’s intrigued and will pursue or he’s indifferent and maybe you should move on. But at least you’ll know, and you will have given it a try.

    Good luck.
    -Christian Guy in a similar situation

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