“How do I make him love me?”

a friend of mine posted on Facebook that “How do I make him love me?” is the most asked relationship question by women. i have no idea if the statics on that hold true, but if i had to guess, they probably do.

here’s the answer:

you can’t.

the end.









just kidding.

not about the answer, but about it being the end. i’ve got more to say, of course.

the first thing is, you shouldn’t have to “make” him do anything. love isn’t a chore. it’s a gift. if you’re trying to make him love you, you are either a manipulator or you’re dating the wrong guy.

a real man won’t withhold love. love might not happen, clearly not every relationship ends in happily whatever after, but it shouldn’t be because you haven’t “earned” it.

love is part of the natural course of events, not something that is forced or coerced. if you are in a relationship where you are being made to feel like you have to “perform” to get love, get out. that’s total crap. a decent guy won’t ever intentionally make you feel that way.

but you also have to be careful about your own expectations. women tend to push for the next level of commitment or emotional depth before the man is ready to move and everything gets real messy. so for love’s sake, calm down and be patient.

this is not about being worthy of love, everyone is, not believing that about yourself doesn’t make it any less true. it is about choosing someone whose love is worth having. if you have trouble with self-esteem and embracing your own value, take some time to work on that before you pick the next guy.

now that…is the end.

what are your thoughts on “how to make someone love you”?


8 comments on ““How do I make him love me?”

  1. Jennwith2ns says:

    Good stuff as usual, Sharideth.

    FYI–for your next Twitter Twaddle, you should check out #ReasonsWeCan’tBeTogether. One of my personal faves: “You smell like Walmart.”

    Also, what do you know about @ChurchGirlProbs?

  2. asoulwalker says:

    I have definitely broken up with girls who couldn’t wait (and have been dumped as well, of course). I bear them no ill will and I do not regret dating them one bit… but I have seen this antsy for the next level thing first hand more than once. And sometimes I had already begun making some serious life changes with the “next level” in mind. But when you feel like you can’t wait anymore… I guess living with certain feelings can be difficult. And I know how hard it can be to wait for something you really want.

  3. jonnybgood says:

    well said sharideth … good stuff topped with awsome sauce!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Grant Rice says:

    Really, really good post. Trying to force commitment or “love” is never healthy. For men or women.

  5. bethagrace says:

    This makes me think of the “friend zone” guys always complain about. Women aren’t the only ones pushing for commitment.

  6. Hmm yes, one must have only reasonable expectations, sometimes not even those!

  7. cang says:

    what if the guy does not say “i love you”, but all of his actions are that of love….
    are women just looking for the words?
    my gf and i are going through something like this now…
    all my actions are of love but i am just not ready to say “i love you” just yet….
    so i asked her would you rather me say “i love you” and treat you as i dont or
    not say it YET but treat you as i do….
    and why is she pushing for me to say those words

  8. Bill says:

    Maybe he doesn’t know you love him???

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