dear sharideth: Is the Way Some Women Dress Sexual Harassment?

Dear Sharideth,

Since you hit on sexual harassment in the work place, can you tell me your thoughts on my thinking that the way some women dress is in fact sexual harassment.

No, I’m not talking about the woman who is falling out of her shear blouse with no bra underneath and you can clearly see her nipples; and the fact that she is wearing a miniskirt that only covers from her waist to an inch below her waist. Yeah, I’m not talking about the strip club down the street.

What I am talking about is women who wear words across their butt while in the work-place, and here is my logic. You have something written on those pants across your butt, and the pants are so tight that you might instead think there is a pumpkin in that pants instead. So, being human I want to read what it says, kind of like getting close enough to the car in front of me at the light to read the bumper sticker. So I am trying to figure out what it says. On a tee shirt I can ask what the shirt says and she would pull it out away from her chest and make it easy to read, but the only way to do that on these pants is to ask her to bend over so I can read her pants.

Ok, so now the bells are going off and I am some kind of perv, unless of course she is into me… so this means that I made an unwanted sexual advance, right? I don’t think so, I think that in wearing words on your butt you solicit people to try to read what it says and therefore it is wearing of the pants that is the sexual harassment.

So what are your thoughts on this?

Sincerely,

Don’t Want To Get Sued

dear DWTGS,

i hate those pants and think the women who wear them should be required to take sensitivity training. at the very least, they shouldn’t get anywhere near offended when a dude tries to read it.

it’s probably best that you don’t ask her to bend over though. also, where are women wearing these in the workplace? yuck.

i would also throw women who wear shirts so low cut you can see their belly button ring and glitter on their chest into the harassment pool.

listen chicks, if you’re wearing words on your ass and glitter on your push-up tits, guys are going to look. all of them. the hot ones, the not hot ones, the creepers, the happily marrieds and the serial killers. all. of. them. you don’t get to wear things that draw that much attention then pick and choose who’s allowed to ogle. you just don’t.

now don’t get all pissy and start writing me hate mail about your right to dress like a 10 cent hooker but not be treated like one. surefinewhatever. that’s not what i’m talking about and we both know it.

i’m talking about biology. men are visual creatures. if a woman puts it out there, they are going to look. some are going to look harder than others. some are going to find it offensive. some are going to try to crack off a piece.

i’m not letting the guys off the hook here. i realize the way some women dress is like flashing a neon LOOK AT ME sign and you can’t help it. what you can help is how you look and how long you look. the whole sexual harassment in the workplace thing is super lopsided. chances are you’re going to lose. so just do your best to ignore. if she won’t let you ignore (i.e. sticking her boobs in your face while you’re sitting at your desk) tell her to back off and cover those sweater puppies up. don’t use those words though, because law suit. but you can tell her to stay out of your personal space.

moral of the blog: a woman has every right to dress as overtly sexual as she likes, but i don’t think she has the right to be offended when a man she doesn’t like notices. guys, all you can do is try not to be douchey about it.

what do you guys think?

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8 comments on “dear sharideth: Is the Way Some Women Dress Sexual Harassment?

  1. Exactly. Both sides are responsible for their individual actions. If you want to pick and choose who’s looking down your blouse, keep it buttoned up when you’re around those other than your chosen gawkers.

    Side note for modest short women: Bend forward a ways while standing in front of a mirror. Whatever you can see in the mirror is what tall guys see when you’re standing up *straight*. A blouse that covers up fine from your eye level doesn’t always do so well from ours. Especially if you’re wearing a V-neck or a keyhole. Double that if you have a large bust. I’m not quite six feet tall, and an extended conversation with a short, busty woman in a V-neck can be nightmarish for attempts to keep pure thoughts. We’re still responsible for our thoughts, but you can make it a bit easier for us by keeping this height differential in mind. 🙂

  2. Jenn says:

    I get that people will look and I normally don’t care because I have come to the conclusion that some men will gawk at anything remotely feminine looking regardless of how covered she may or may not be.

    That being said there is a difference between looking, even gawking and thinking that what you see is an invitation to say or do something. Say whatever you want in your own head – unless per chance she has her skirt tucked into her hose or something absolutely unintentional and mortifying and even then that could be a dangerous situation. Just please promise me gentlemen that you won’t whistle or cat call, it does nothing for your appearance. Case in point while sufficiently covered (I was on my way to church) yesterday I had a man whistle at me from his car and he wasn’t the only one – bizarre day yesterday and it made me feel gross, to the point I doubt I will ever wear that pencil skirt again.

    As Sharideth said please don’t be douchey about it, yes I have curves but short of wearing a burka you’re going to know and I don’t want to feel shamed for my body.

  3. asoulwalker says:

    If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. Don’t matter who you are.

  4. Lynne says:

    This is really dangerous territory. It’s a baby version of blaming women for being raped. There’s a reason the Slut Walks happened last year. I feel like an attitude of ‘it’s the woman’s fault’ for dressing ‘provocatively’ perpetuates a deep seated problem in our society of holding woman to an impossible standard. If that attitude begins somewhere small, like in the workplace, the same logic gets used on the big subjects, which is why I just cannot agree with this.

    And for the record, clothing with wording printed on the butt is simply atrocious. I would ban them from all store shelves if I could.

    • Let me put it to you this way: if a woman walked down my street buck naked, I’m still responsible before God and the law not to touch her. It doesn’t justify a rape. Period. But shouldn’t I be allowed to criticize her for walking down the street naked? If I’m not, then you’re just reversing the situation and making it all the man’s fault if he’s aroused. Which is no more right than making it all the woman’s fault. I’m responsible not to act on temptation, but let’s admit that she IS putting temptation in my way. Both genders have a responsibility to do the right thing, not just one or the other.

  5. Stef says:

    Good article by a really smart dude, on this very subject:

    http://jezebel.com/5885418/cleavage-is-biological-sexual-harassment-and-other-dumb-ideas

    And if you want more on the subject, he has a whole section on “modesty” on hs website. Check it:

    http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/

    • Jenn says:

      Just an aside Hugo is not the man to be getting information from, he may look like he’s pro-women but he is far from it, rather a subversive misogynist.

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