“She’s kind of a mess, but…”

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this is going to be short for a couple of reasons.

1. there’s just not much to say about this topic.

2. i’m exhausted and pretty much want to punch the internet.

guys, if you meet a girl and you want to tell me all about her and you lead with “she’s got this temper.” or “she’s got more issues than National Geographic, but…” or “she’s still kind of seeing someone else.” or anything of the sort…

you’re an idiot.

if you are making excuses for her before the relationship even starts, you deserve whatever you get. is she really that hot? is there not a girl out there who lights your roman candle just as much but isn’t straight up poison?

answer: yes. there is.

but if it’s the hot mess that attracts you, you, my friend, are also a hot mess and are about to sprint willfully and joyfully into the drama pool.

if she needs saving, great, save her, but don’t date her. she’s going to need time to find her own feet otherwise she will just become dependent on you and end up making herself your victim whether you actually do her harm or not. it’s crazy town. i know.

OR

she’s one of those girls who is only capable of making bad decisions because her entire world view stops at the end her own nose. blergh. terrible.

after a while you end up divorced, with 8 kids and a new found love for Ed Hardy.

shudder

never lead with drama. it always ends badly.

*mic drop*

ever wanted to date a girl you had to make excuses for? tell us that story. seriously.

ladies, don’t think you’re off the hook. ever want to date the bad boy you knew was terrible for you?

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8 comments on ““She’s kind of a mess, but…”

  1. Jenn says:

    Aside from the toxic man I was engaged to that I really didn’t realize was toxic until I was in the relationship. I have to say the “perfect church boys” have always been terrible for me – the come with all sorts of issues courtesy of all the mixed messages that come with the gender ideas of evangelicalism, and they meet me and sure I’m educated in all the wifely arts – cook, clean, sew etc but I’m also a strong willed, speak my mind, feminist. It always goes badly. So I normally steer clear of them not because I think either of us is “bad” more that I know what I want and they think they know what they’re getting with me and it’s not the class.

  2. Haley k says:

    Well I read this and immediately agreed with it, shared it on facebook, and told my husband.
    I wasn’t prepared for the backlash.
    One friend commented saying ‘we all have problems’ ‘what else are guys supposed to go off of’ kind of stuff. I wasn’t too surprised about this friend, but then I told my husband.
    He went off.
    An hour later we came to an agreement that there was wisdom in this advice, but not until after chasing a lot of rabbit trails. It made me curious of it’s a gender thing. The girls I’ve discussed this with think- of course, isn’t that obvios? While the guys are totally baffled at how ‘outrageous it is.

    • curiouser and curiouser. i’d be interested to see what my guy readers think. maybe that’s why they haven’t commented yet. though being afraid to disagree with me isn’t usually an issue for them.

    • I have to say I whole-heartedly agree. And I’m a guy. So there’s that. If I’m honest, when I was a single man, I would have agreed in word, but not deed. After having been married for coming up on five years, I see the wisdom in these words. Mrs. K, please don’t be too hard on your hubs. There’s so much I’ve learned by being married. I’m sure the longer you are married, the more he (and you) will learn about each other and the opposite gender in general. Sharideth, thanks to Mrs. K and another female that shared your link on FB, you’ve just acquired yourself a new male reader. Keep it up.

    • Matt Scroggins says:

      I’d like to hear some of this advice. I think the above blog post was a little too generic for me to really be able too wrap my mind around any specifics, but I just don’t think their are any ideal situations. No one’s perfect. And thanks for not being surprised about me.

      • Bridget says:

        I can’t speak for Sharideth, but I think the idea is regardless of the specifics, we usually go into bad relationships with eyes wide open. All the signs are there, but for whatever reason we rationalize and make excuses. So if you hear yourself making excuses — to yourself or to your friends — take your own hint and get out.

    • Bridget says:

      Maybe women find themselves in this place more often than men? I see more women putting up with rotten behavior and feeling guilty because they can’t do more. Also generally guys aren’t as introspective, so maybe they don’t recognize themselves doing this even when they are.

  3. Jennwith2ns says:

    Did. And was. Thank God for . . . just kinda being God and working around all that crap.

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