know what’s awesome?
breaking up with someone you have to look at and talk to 8 hours a day!
and by awesome, i mean if your office is Tokyo, Godzilla is about to get all bi-polar up in your cubicle.
regardless of what Match.com says, most people meet the person they date/marry in the workplace or school. so it makes sense there’s a real chance someone is going to end a relationship there, too.
and if you think i’m going to throw unicorn glitter on this and magically make it not suck with some super clever list that has been blessed by God and dipped in wisdom flavored chocolate, your aptitude for hyperbole and nonsense should take Olympic gold.
unicorns, glitter, God, chocolate and the Olympics in one sentence. boom. other writers can just give up now, because Pullitzer just spontaneously combusted.
oh, right. the list. it will be helpful, probably, but it won’t make this situation not completely blow. in a perfect world, you will both be rational and decide how to handle each other before the next work day dawns and stick to it like grown ups.
but if not…
surviving a workplace break up:
1. just you: you can only be responsible for your own behavior. do not try to control what the other person does, no matter how nutso. that will only make it worse.
2. no gossip: don’t bring your drama to the office. reasonable co-workers will hate it and not think well of you. others will eat it up and contribute to dragging this crap out until everyone wants stab you. and feel free to tell those who try to get you to spill the details to butt the hell out. it’s none of their business. the flip side of that is to shut those douches down when they try to tell you what your ex is saying about you. refuse to hear it.
3. no avoidance: if you try to avoid your ex in the workplace, the awkward level is going to hit defcon 5. politeness sounds terrible, but it’s really your best option. be respectful and kind without being patronizing. i totally get that the line is finer than baby hair, but you’re going to have to walk it, my dear.
4. no flirting: i know. you are now a free agent. but there’s no need to rub that in your ex’s face by being tacky. because it would be tacky. not to mention unprofessional and jerkish.
5. let it go: if you were the one dumped and are wanting to get back together, you’re going to have to move on. definitely do not bring it up during work, but also no calls, no emails, no texts. you are going to have move forward as though you’re fine with the ending and eventually, my darling who doesn’t believe me right now, you will be.
moral of the story: be an adult. grab your maturity by the short hairs and hang on. your desire to do the wrong thing is going to rival the Temptation of Christ, but you’ll manage.
have you ever been in an office break up?
what did i miss? other things you should do or not do?