dear sharideth: I’m getting past it.

Dear Sharideth

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up about four weeks ago after a year long relationship. It was a pretty awesome time and I am glad it happened, but I am still struggling with the bruise of it all. I’ve enjoyed the “How To Get Over Her” post a lot. I must keep rereading it.

I received the death-kneel of breakups I feel. The “these are your faults” and I am trying to get a grasp on it. This may be futile, but if it helps anyone, including myself, out, then this email was worth it.

Short history:

I just turned 30.  She’s 24.

That may be part of the issue in it of itself.

For the majority of our relationship, we lived together. I moved to be with her after we met. Because I could do better financially somewhere else, however, I moved again and she followed shortly after. We were slammed into a pretty tiny place together (it was going to be temporary). Just myself, her, and my cat. That’s issue one. My cat, who I had for a few years, can be a bit of a terror and disruptive at night. To combat it, we shut the door at night, I bought a noise machine to drown out some of the meows. Eventually, because she was still getting disturbed at night, I got a kennel to keep my furry orange friend in at night. However, she felt that because I wouldn’t give away my cat for her that I wasn’t willing to do anything for her. I never imagined that she would have asked it in the first place.

Secondly, my bad habits. I tend to get a little depressive from time to time. I am not 100 percent satisfied with my profession at the moment. And to compensate, I would drink a few adult beverages in the evenings. Sometimes a little more, sometimes less. It is something I am far from proud of, but it was what it was. Two days before she broke up with me, she said she needed to see changes. Cut back the alcohol, work on the depression. Mind you, she had mentioned this before, and I definitely wasn’t making a lot of progress, albeit some. So I worked on it, well, for two whole days. Then she called it quits.

I know I am leaving out immense details, but I don’t want to bury you in it. I am not that pathetic, at least I hope not.

Anyhow, the following week, she spent two nights over. Things felt very intense. But by the end of the week, we were having some drinks (I may have had more than one) I was expressing my emotions and how much I care/love her. she said I was being dramatic and we parted ways. I threw the Hail Mary of emails a week or so later, but received no response. After a week, we ran into one another after one of my soccer games. We chatted, etc, and as she left she asked for a hug goodbye. And that’s it.

I’m hurting. But I am getting into your and your readers advice. And just trying to let go. I’ve cut back on all my drinking. Started making art and music again, and am in the planning phase of getting a better career. I’m a designer, so I have to revamp the whole portfolio nonsense.

So, thank you for having a place I can read and satiate the better feelings.


Cat Man

dear Cat Man,

first, you are more than welcome.  seriously.  glad you’re here.

second, i don’t have anything to add to what you’ve already said.

who am i kidding?  of course i do.

i am really glad for the changes you’re making.  they are all very positive and exactly what i would recommend.  i only hope you are making them solely for yourself and not for anyone else.  they will have a lot more staying power if the motivation for them is internal instead of external.

so there’s that.

the only other thing i would say is that it sounds like you guys moved way too fast in the beginning.  there’s about a billion reasons why i do not recommend living together, but in this case it sounds like it happened maybe more out of convenience because of the moving around, than out of wisdom and a readiness for that kind arrangement.  something to seriously think about next time.

also, i could write a whole blog about how pets can wreck a relationship, but i don’t think you’re there yet.

thanks again for writing.  better luck next time, yeah?

oh so sincerely,


any other thoughts for Cat Man?


2 comments on “dear sharideth: I’m getting past it.

  1. Jason says:

    All I can say to the seeing her and the hug…

  2. crpeterson says:

    I’m curious as to your reasons a pet can wreck a relationship! Also, I agree that moving in together can be a bad idea A LOT of the time. When do you think it IS a good idea? Thankfully my fiance and I co-habitate together perfectly and I’m happy to have learned this before tying the knot!

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