it has come to my attention that there is some confusion about what a real man looks/acts like. i realize many of you are about to jump on the “but every woman defines that differently!” wagon o’ doom, and you’re right. they do. but they shouldn’t, because it’s dumb.
for those of you still reading, congratulations, you are highly intelligent and very attractive.
for those of you who left because i said you’re dumb, later gators.
p.s. i didn’t say you’re dumb, i said the way you define a real man is dumb. big difference. not that it matters, because you’re not here and i am now writing to entertain myself.
for those of you who carry around a list of what you want in a man on a piece of paper, in your head or are wearing it on a sandwich board, scrap it. burn it. gouge it out with a ice pick. i don’t really care. just let it go.
calm down. obvious deal breakers can stay, but even take a good hard look at what you consider a deal breaker and reevaluate if it really is one. keeping a list can keep you blind to all else that moves, Frodo.
if you are basically literate and female, you have probably noticed the big debate between Egalitarianism vs. Complementarianism. i am not going to debate those here, that’s what Rachel Held Evans is for. and she does way better anyway. i only bring it up because the extremes of both sides define the role of real men much differently.
one says men are the head of household, the wives are the support and gender roles are fairly well defined. the other says both are equal and have shared roles.
whatever. i really couldn’t care less. harmony and contentment are the goal. however you choose to achieve that in your own home is up to you. go team.
i say the role of a real man is always the same and it has nothing to do with gender roles or a difference in perceived leadership.
it has everything to do with the difference between control and influence.
in other words, is he a bully or a motivator?
control comes from a completely selfish and self-serving place in the heart that only considers the happiness of one. it beats down and causes brokenness resulting in submission out of fear.
influence comes from a heart that is focused on the greater good and the contentment of all. it encourages and breeds confidence in your talents and abilities, while promoting their use. it demonstrates respect, so you, in turn, are free to trust.
a real man is an influencer.
shut up wordpress, influencer is a real word. shove your red line up your nether regions.
a real man looks toward the future and encourages you to help him get where you both want to go. he will never make it a power struggle, so quit with your preemptive “he’s trying to dominate me” strikes.
just because society is telling you you have to piss all over everything to mark your female territory does not make it true. you don’t. a real man isn’t even going to fight you for it.
but a real man will walk away if you continue to demand what he is already freely offering.
if you must have a list, here you go:
hit me with some other differences between control and influence. go.