Here’s the deal. I’m an almost-30-year-old woman, and with the exception of prom [which was strictly platonic], I’ve never been on a date. Most days, this doesn’t bother me. However, I do want to get married and have a family and obviously the first step in that direction is to actually interact with men. I promise that I do not fit your description of “Miss Insecurity”. When I’m with my friends (both male and female), I am my confident, funny, snarky self. The problem is when I’m actually interested in a guy, I steer clear. I don’t know why I do this. On a conscious level, I just think I don’t have a reason to go out of my way to talk to him and initiate a conversation. I’m sure there is something deeper going on, maybe it is insecurity, it’s just not my normal self. I would love some advice, some brutal honestly, or any combination of the two.
Runs Away From Boys She Likes
being .0000001% Native American gives me the authority to rename you Runs From Men. being 99.9999999% someone who plays a relationship advice blogger on the internet, i will try to help you become Runs At Men.
okay, maybe not that, but you get my meaning.
my initial response to your question is “well, stop doing that”.
that’s not helpful, sharideth.
i know, voice in my head who sounds weirdly like Kim Kardashian, just give me a second!
you’ve got to stop “steering clear”. you may as well be shouting “GET AWAY FROM ME! I’M NOT INTERESTED! HULK SMASH!” guys are no good at reading signs, but they’re going to read avoidance as rejection every time.
that doesn’t mean you have to all of sudden become the aggressor. here’s some suggestions:
1. say hello – calm down! i know this is completely off the rails! or not. if a guy is looking for an opening with you, you initiating a “hey, what’s up, Jake*?” will be all he needs. use his name and acknowledge his presence, that’s all. you don’t have to fully engage and go straight for the conversation kill. just let him know you see him. you can even keep walking. maybe even should…
2. group date – pick a guy you could potentially be into and invite him to something you and your friends are doing. if you happen to organize the whole thing just so you can offer the invite, trust me, he’ll be none the wiser.
3. go bold – i once got a guy to ask me out by saying, “my boyfriend and i just broke up, you can ask me out now.” he didn’t even know my name. that was a Wednesday. by Friday he had my name and my number. in your case, i’d go with something like, “you should probably ask me out.” then walk away. the walk away is key. gives him a chance to pull his eyes back into his head and pick his jaw up off the floor. okay, so this one is pretty aggressive, but it’s also kinda fun, if only to watch his reaction.
moral of the blog? NO AVOIDANCE. it’s like telling a guy you’re going to hit him in the jugular with a poisoned blow dart if he comes near you.
what other things can our friend do to put herself out there?
*i assume all fantasy cute guys are named Jake.