you don’t have to change for her, you just have to talk to her

a friend of mine was having some boyfriend trouble this weekend.  he was suppose to be home by 9, but by 11;30 she still hadn’t heard from him.

apparently this is a chronic problem, but she knew that about him going in.  his friends say he’s been late to everything his whole life and she accepts it.  she just asks him to call if he’s going to be late so she knows how to make her own plans.  he will call sometimes…and lie about when he’ll be home…

by the by, he’s not doing anything skeezy, he has a job that sometimes rules his schedule and he’s just kinda terrible at time management.

BUT he thinks if he tells her what he thinks she wants to hear, he’ll be in less trouble than if he’s honest about the fact that it will be 4 hours instead of 1.

guess where the trouble starts…

gentlemen, a decent, reasonable woman will overlook some of your more glaring flaws.  thank God.  possibly even find them endearing.  but if she is repeatedly asking you to communicate with her better about whatever that thing is and you don’t do it, that endearing flaw is going to become a fatal deal breaker, pal.

what once was annoyingly cute will become the seed of frustration and your lack of response will be the fertilizer that you crap all over her garden of resentment.

she’s not asking you to change, she’s only asking you to help her cope better with whatever it is that you will never stop doing.

and it doesn’t have to be a flaw necessarily.  it could be…

hunting, golfing, fishing, cars, aggressive duck decoy collecting, painting your face and going half naked to football games, depression, work stress…

be considerate.  just give her the information she’s asking for and she will deal with the rest.  she doesn’t like to guess anymore than you do.

what is the one thing you will never stop doing?

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6 comments on “you don’t have to change for her, you just have to talk to her

  1. Austin Gilly says:

    I’m always late, to everything. It’s a curse I got from my family. I have been working on not only time management, but also communicating better with the lady and trying to realistically judge time, because she is just like the girl in your story. And I’m just like the dude. It’s gotten much better over the past 3 years.

  2. jessigering says:

    “she doesn’t like to guess anymore than you do.”

    Exactly!

  3. I have a theory that when I was a little girl, an evil fairy placed a curse on me that no matter what time I left I would ALWAYS be late. Leave 15 minutes early? Get stuck behind a wide load delivery. Arrive 10 minutes late. Such is my life.

    But as far as not communicating, I’m terrible about not letting myself get upset about something I have a right to feel. I sweep it under the rug and let it go away but so far all the guys that I’ve dated don’t accept the fact that I’m over it. They assume because I haven’t yelled, or gotten upset or angry, that it’s building. I guess I’m not good at letting them know “Seriously, it’s no big deal. Fine means fine.” Does that make sense at all as to how it could be a challenge?

    • bethagrace says:

      This is the frustrating thing for girls. If they get upset, then they’re hormonal and “crazy.” If they try to let things go quietly, they’re accused of lying and being confusing.

  4. Jessi says:

    I’m a control freak… There’s a lot I’ll never stop doing. But my worst is assuming that he will just do it bc I said so…. That works with the kids not so much the man….

  5. Jenn says:

    There are lots of things I can handle but as someone who is habitually early, I cannot abide being attached to someone who is chronically late, considering how much stress it causes when my best friend is always 20-60 minutes late.

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