love at first sight – real or not real?

once up a time, a dirty musician boy met a pixie version of Angelina Jolie girl.  the night they met she went home and told her mom, “i just met the man i’m going to marry.”  i don’t think he even made it home before he called me and said the same thing.

…that he was going to marry her, not that he found a dude to marry.  just so we’re clear, North Carolina.

they celebrate their 3rd anniversary at the end of this month and still appear to really super duper like each other.  it’s kinda gross.

the question is…

love at first sight?  danged lucky?  ordained by God?

i think they might say it’s a big love pie of all of it.  and it’s delicious.

me?  i’m not willing to say love at first sight doesn’t exist, but i am willing to say it is unlikely.  like, by a lot.  i have run into too many broken hearts with “love at first sight” stories to not be sipping on a giant glass of “probably not”.

here’s my theory:

1.  instant mutual attraction – call Junior year because chemistry is about to happen up in here.  it is not uncommon for two people to find each other attractive.  it is less common for those two people to have an instant connection and the time and circumstances to create something more from that initial “i like your face”.

2.  can’t get enough – your whole world begins to revolve around when you’ll get see that person next.  it will probably annoy your friends.

3.  short trip to “i love you” – those three little time bombs drop way faster than ever before.  you can’t hardly wait to say them.

4.  the 100 meter dash to matrimony – Usain Bolt couldn’t beat you down the aisle.  ido!ido!ido!

and then it’s over.

she ends it.  you end it.  doesn’t matter.  it’s done.  mercifully, it’s usually right before the wedding.  which sounds horrible, but is really dodging a hollow point.

no more raging chemistry, no more revolving around your own personal sun, no more love at first sight.

but you were SO sure!

i know.  but it was too much, too fast, too everything and the other person figured it out before you did.

don’t get me wrong, there might have been love, but not the kind that ends up holding hands while cruising in matching rocking chairs.  that kind of love usually takes time to build.  a life worth of time.

can lightening strike and it’s the real thing?  sure.  it happens.  we call those people lucky and we hate them.  it’s just how it is.  for most of us, we are the Yertle to their Bugs Bunny.  it’s neither fair, nor unfair.  it just is.  and frankly, us Yertles, have a better shot at the long haul.

do i think Dirty Musician and Pixie Jolie have the real deal?  oh yes, yes i do.  they are two people who understand the hard work of relationship and have some serious depth.  and they got lucky.  and we hate them.

unlike Craig and i.  when i told him what i was writing about, this is what happened:

me: i’m writing about love at first sight.

c: oh! like us!

me: no. not like us. there was many of years of sight.

c: before we finally decided to settle.

me: exactly.

ah love.

what do you think?  love at first sight, yay or nay?

ever experienced it?  did it work out?


13 comments on “love at first sight – real or not real?

  1. Joel says:

    Wow, you just described my last relationship perfectly. Luckily we called off the engagement and split up before one of us killed the other one, but it was a close call.

  2. Jennwith2ns says:

    I definitely know some people it’s happened with. And some people might say it happened with me, but in a weird way:

    1. Dated a guy for two-ish/three-ish years. Crazy chemistry. Crazy inability to make it work.

    2. Met a guy last June. We were not besotted. Neither of us. Still. nine months later, we got married. We’re still both kind of surprised about it, but I think it was because we gave each other a chance and found depth–even if quickly. We’re also 40 (me) and 50 (him), so maybe age makes a difference? I dunno. We still haven’t made it to any significant marriage anniversary, but . . . we intend to.

  3. jon says:

    All I can tell you is what happened to me. I didn’t even see my wife before I know she was special. I heard her name. That’s right, somehow her name just bounced around in my head, like it was something special.

    About an hour later, I saw her and something in my heart moved. I wouldn’t call it love, but an affirmation or knowledge. I think then I really knew I would marry her, but my brain instantly went into overdrive telling me I am ridiculous, which I was. I had never told another woman that I loved her, until 8 weeks after we started dating. Is that quick?

    We were married 1 1/2 years after we started dating. Because a feeling is not enough. I feeling is never a good reason to do anything, but they can contribute to a decision. We’ve been married almost two years, and love each other and our four month old.

    Can love at first sight happen? Hard to say. Maybe ‘something’ can happen. I dunno.

  4. bethagrace says:

    I’m with you on instant mutual attraction and circumstances that allow that to grow. Because it works out, everyone can say, “Aw! Love at first sight.” But if someone has the same attraction and the relationship fails, they were just obnoxiously infatuated.

    I *have* heard stories of God telling people who they’re going to marry, but I don’t know that that really falls into love-at-first sight territory. It’s more a divinely arranged marriage.

  5. Jennifer C. says:

    Sure. I first saw Ryan Reynolds and fell in love. Not real love? Kind of lust? Fine, whatever.

    I don’t know. Someone come present themselves to me and let’s see.

  6. It probably depends on the people, I guess. If it’s way out of their normal behaviour, I’d go along with it. If finding ‘the love of his life, when can you be my best man’ has happened more than once and he has a motorcycle that wasn’t exciting after two drives, than no. I believe it can happen. It also believe it rarely ever does.

  7. becca3416 says:

    Love at first site = lust at first site. The feeling gives you such a rush and intense high that you only think it is love. I do, however, believe in fate. I believe in meeting and falling in love with someone in a way you never would have imagined it happening. So true love at first site? No way. You only think that until they reveal to you that they collect strangers’ used tissues and that they are an aspiring pornographic film maker (no offense to anyone who does these things).

  8. Jenn says:

    While I think chemistry is wonderful (almost did a minor in Chemistry) and on some level essential or all relationships, I worry when I see people relying on it for the foundation of their relationships, especially the kind that borders on volatile. So love at first sight? I would love it if it existed for me but I know it doesn’t. I think that maybe there are those who given where they are in life and who they are can go down that road but I cannot. I actually would say I refuse the notion. There is so much that can go wrong, and I’ve seen that happen in my own life. So while it may work that way for others I’m going to be happy to just find someone some day who makes me want to be near them whenever that happens, though I have kind of made peace with the knowledge I’m marrying my MDiv

  9. asoulwalker says:

    I have never experienced it.

  10. […] already did that here: Love at First Sight. Real or Not Real (I wasn’t using capital letters when I wrote it and there are two spaces between my […]

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