out of the mouths of adolescents

God only know what a 12 year old boy will say when given the opportunity to ask anything he wants about dating and relationships, but my son’s youth pastor did exactly that last night, and this is what my son asked:

“why do girls always ask guys questions that are impossible to answer?”

oh yeah.  that’s my boy.  hitting hard, right outta the gate.

of course his youth pastor had no answer.  no man does.


sorry.  little Eowyn moment there…

wondering what “an impossible to answer” question is?


“does this dress make me look fat?”

“do you think she’s pretty?”

“aren’t my friends amazing?”

a man cannot answer any of these questions honestly without risking full and violent removal of his dangly parts.

but the question remains: why do women ask these seemingly casual questions that are really genital snaring entrapment?



call it low self-esteem.  call it digging for a compliment.  call it being a heartless, ill-mannered cow for all i care.  okay, maybe not that last one if you wish to live long and romantically prosper, Spock-man.  call it what you will…it’s all insecurity.

and no.  it’s not fair.  if you answer honestly, you’re a jerk.  if you lie and tell her what she wants to hear, she knows you’re lying and though it will give her the upper she needs for about 46 seconds, part of her will cease to trust you.

get mad at me all you want, ladies.  you know it’s true.

unless you can answer a question like that with the exact answer she’s looking for and sincerely mean it, it’s best to just refuse.

calm down.  i know that’s going to take stones of steel.  especially when i tell you that in addition to refusing to answer, you have to call her out for putting you in that position.

you heard me.

you’re going to have to tell her what she needs to hear, not what she wants to hear.  she wants to hear:

“that dress makes you look like a goddess.”

“that girl is really unfortunate looking.”

“i think your friends are the smartest, most interesting people i’ve ever met and you were so smart and interesting to pick them.”

what she needs to hear is:

“just breathe.  i picked you.  i’m right here and have no plans to go anywhere else.  stop trying to dig for security.  you’ve already got it.”

she’s not going to like it.

not at first.

she will still press for an answer to her stupid question that means something way more than whether or not her jeans frame her butt properly.  don’t give it to her.  she’s already deep into fooling herself that she’s only asking about jeans.  it will be your job to bring her around to what she’s really asking, which is “are you still into me?”  eventually, she’ll catch on and her respect for you will grow like this mutant ivy on the front of my house and her insecurity will diminish like…i don’t know.  whatever diminishes.


now to email this to my son’s youth pastor.

what are some other entrapment questions women ask?

any other reason why women might ask these questions?

what diminishes?



18 comments on “out of the mouths of adolescents

  1. Rachel says:

    “just breathe. i picked you. i’m right here and have no plans to go anywhere else. stop trying to dig for security. you’ve already got it.”

    Yup-that would be an amazing response! I think I would be entirely done for if anyone ever responded that way to my random moments of insecurity.

  2. You have a gift for phrases composed of words I would not have though to put together. Now I really want to see some husband pull off using the phrase “those jeans frame your butt properly.”

    Depending on the woman, questions about whether they should cut their hair can also turn into entrapment questions. Saying yes could imply you don’t like the way it is now, and think they’re ugly. Saying no could imply you don’t think they’d look good in that other hairstyle, and think they’re ugly.

    • Jennifer C. says:

      Why can’t the hair thing just be an honest question as to his preferences without getting hurt? Entrapment crap like that pisses me off.

      • Sometimes it is just an honest preference question. Sometimes, it’s even just an attempt to cure indecision on her own part with an outside opinion. Possibly even worse is the woman who already has an opinion decided and asks your opinion to confirm it. If you don’t come to the same conclusion she did, that can rapidly turn into “we clearly have nothing in common” eruptions. Guessing which situation is which….

        I have actually been honestly asked and given my opinion without getting in trouble, by a female friend or two. But I’m the “nice guy to whom women tell their troubles” type, so that insulates me somewhat from the chance of death. :>

  3. First, I approve your reference to Lord of the Rings.
    Second, I really appreciate how you get to the heart of the matter. Nice work.
    How about, diminishes like donut holes in a third grade classroom?

  4. G Fresh says:

    It isn’t just women you are in a relationship with that ask these kind of questions. When I was back home for Christmas, I had a female friendly acquaintance show me a picture of her best friend that lives in another state, but whom she though I would be perfect for and say to me, “Isn’t she pretty?!”. The honest answer would have been, “Oh my, nooooo…bless her heart.”. Instead I lamely said something like, “She’s okay, I guess…”, which the acquaintance took to mean I was immediately smitten with her and apparently called her friend that night and told her all about me.


    • bethagrace says:

      I don’t know the girl, so maybe this wouldn’t have worked, but why didn’t you just say, “She’s not my type?” It leaves room for the girl to be pretty still, but just vaguely clarifies that she’s not your “the One.”

    • Wait, she went with ‘She’s okay, I guess’? What kind of a friend is that! From your comment I guess it didn’t work out?

      • MattyGFresh says:

        I don’t think she really heard me when I said that. She’s a really nice girl, but kind of one of those matchmaker types who wants to try to hook all of her friends up with each other despite glaring differences/not at all being attracted to her friend… 🙂

  5. Jennifer C. says:

    As a famale who has been asked those questions by other famales, I felt trapped, too. I thought they wanted an honest answer since they were asking another woman. Oops.

    For me, it’s more about not embarrassing myself in public.

  6. skinbycarrielorrain says:

    what she needs to hear is:

    “just breathe. i picked you. i’m right here and have no plans to go anywhere else. stop trying to dig for security. you’ve already got it.”

    she’s not going to like it.

    not at first. – End Quote

    Good luck with that… 🙂

  7. But…what if she asks “Does this question make me look insecure?”

  8. bethagrace says:

    I’ll give you the friends and “is she pretty” because these are things one should already know. I *know* my friends are amazing. I *know* I’m not the prettiest girl in the world (probably more around second or third ;)). I don’t need to ask.

    But I hate, hate, hate the stereotypes surrounding “Do I look fat?” I know the stereotypes are there because there is some truth to them, but if I ask, I honestly just want to know if that specific cut looks good on me or not. There are entire shows dedicated to showing people that they *are* making themselves “look fat.” How is it inconceivable that, rather than starring on one of those, I’d rather just ask the person who lives with me?

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