why men lie

last week, this tweet happened:

to which i responded, “i’m not gonna lie, i’m probably going to turn that into a blog post.”

blessing was given and here we are.

p.s.  if you don’t follow Josh Hara on Twitter, you probably hate happiness.

at first i thought, “there are so many reasons why men lie”.  of course i was wrong.  there’s really not.  only three that i can think of.  but i’m not that smart and i have the attention span of tsetse fly, so…

1.  to protect yourselves – you guys are so afraid of female angst, you willfully dig yourselves in deeper.  i’m not saying that’s not without cause.  women can be terrifying.  they shouldn’t be, but they certainly can be.  telling them the truth can sometimes be a crap shoot, but believe me, the odds of getting your penis tied in a knot increases to 100% if you get caught in a lie.

“why did i play Skyrim all day instead of mowing the lawn?  well, you see, honey, i broke my instep while trying to buy you jewelry and couldn’t push the mower around.  doctor says i should fine by morning.  what?  uh, no.  i had to leave before buying anything.  the pain was terrible.  lawn and jewelry tomorrow?  of course.  make me a list.”

2.  to manipulate a situation – employed mostly by douche bags and used car salesmen.  generally the goal is to get into her pants or his wallet.

“oh, you have a tiny dog?  i donate to a shelter for homeless puppy orphans.  if you want to come back to my place, i can show you pictures online.”

“noooo.  that’s not bondo.  this car has never been in an accident.  it was designed to tilt like that.”

3.  to cover insecurity – when you do this, women know.  they always know and it makes you look even more insecure than you might actually be.

“do i date a lot?  oh yeah, all the time.  or at least i did.  i’ve been kind of taking a break, you know.  women, women everywhere.  it’s pretty distracting, so i mostly stay home and watch documentaries to get a break from all the ladies throwing themselves at me.”

lying = bad…even if the consequences of telling the truth seem fatal.  but don’t worry.  i’m going to have a little chat with the ladies soon about blowing a gasket when you make them unhappy by telling the truth.

what else do men lie about?

are you following Josh Hara (@yoyoha) yet?

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11 comments on “why men lie

  1. Your first one is so common. I remember having to cover for a friend without knowing it. He bought a video game, but told her he borrowed it from me. She asked me straight away and found out. I still don’t know what’s worse: his lying or realizing very well why he did. Most of my lies must have been smoking-related. It seemed just easier to be caught every once in a while then hearing the motherish complaints every time.

    I think a lot of those lies in number 1 don’t come out of nowhere. It’s an answer to a question. Maybe that tells you something (not that lying is okay, don’t get me wrong here).

  2. Occasionally, you can add a #4 for preserving a surprise. Such as the plot used repeatedly in tv shows of the husband telling the wife he had to work late or otherwise be out of the house on a regular basis, prompting her to suspect infidelity when he is actually taking dancing lessons/art lessons/working a second job to buy her a present/insert other aww-inducing activity here. Always works out in movies, but not so guaranteed in real life.

  3. JBen says:

    Can we just make a rule that telling the truth gets a guy a fair hearing instead of anger, frustration, and tears? We are afraid to be truthful because we know what is going to happen immediately following our confession.

  4. Jennwith2ns says:

    TOTALLY dated #2. Briefly. (“I volunteer at the local animal rescue league ALL THE TIME.”) It did not get better from there.

  5. bethagrace says:

    These are true, but… they’re also true of everyone who lies, male or female, grown or not. Just saying.

  6. asoulwalker says:

    I totally hate happiness. Only people who know me in person find this hard to believe.

  7. Everything a man says is a lie until proven otherwise.

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