last week, this tweet happened:
We're not lying, we're trying to prevent you from killing us.
Josh Hara (@yoyoha) April 26, 2012
Dear Women, We're not lying, we're trying to prevent you from killing us. Love, Men—
to which i responded, “i’m not gonna lie, i’m probably going to turn that into a blog post.”
blessing was given and here we are.
p.s. if you don’t follow Josh Hara on Twitter, you probably hate happiness.
at first i thought, “there are so many reasons why men lie”. of course i was wrong. there’s really not. only three that i can think of. but i’m not that smart and i have the attention span of tsetse fly, so…
1. to protect yourselves – you guys are so afraid of female angst, you willfully dig yourselves in deeper. i’m not saying that’s not without cause. women can be terrifying. they shouldn’t be, but they certainly can be. telling them the truth can sometimes be a crap shoot, but believe me, the odds of getting your penis tied in a knot increases to 100% if you get caught in a lie.
“why did i play Skyrim all day instead of mowing the lawn? well, you see, honey, i broke my instep while trying to buy you jewelry and couldn’t push the mower around. doctor says i should fine by morning. what? uh, no. i had to leave before buying anything. the pain was terrible. lawn and jewelry tomorrow? of course. make me a list.”
2. to manipulate a situation – employed mostly by douche bags and used car salesmen. generally the goal is to get into her pants or his wallet.
“oh, you have a tiny dog? i donate to a shelter for homeless puppy orphans. if you want to come back to my place, i can show you pictures online.”
“noooo. that’s not bondo. this car has never been in an accident. it was designed to tilt like that.”
3. to cover insecurity – when you do this, women know. they always know and it makes you look even more insecure than you might actually be.
“do i date a lot? oh yeah, all the time. or at least i did. i’ve been kind of taking a break, you know. women, women everywhere. it’s pretty distracting, so i mostly stay home and watch documentaries to get a break from all the ladies throwing themselves at me.”
lying = bad…even if the consequences of telling the truth seem fatal. but don’t worry. i’m going to have a little chat with the ladies soon about blowing a gasket when you make them unhappy by telling the truth.
what else do men lie about?
are you following Josh Hara (@yoyoha) yet?