oh Christians, you silly silly new creations. some of your dating moves should be shot in the face. and guys, i’m calling you out on this one, because it’s mostly you who do these things. Christian girls tend to “wait upon the Lord” until they adopt their first cat and panic.
geez sharideth, be a bitch why don’t you?
showing her your obvious desirability by demonstrating your chord chart prowess on Love Song for the Savior for the guitar? no.
asking her to read I Kissed Dating Goodbye with you as a topical Bible study? no.
telling her your inductive study of Song of Solomon makes you think of her, especially that part about honey and boobs? no.
then there’s my favorite…
“God told me we should date.”
oh did He now? did He really?
i don’t think so, you arrogant coward. you just don’t have the gonads to ask her out. Jesus is embarrassed.
here’s my top 5 responses:
1. that’s cool. i’ll let you know as soon as He tells me the same thing. – then just walk away.
2. oh yeah? how? – make sure you look him straight in the eye and wait for a response. it will get awkward real fast.
3. was it through a burning bush or was that the last girl? – yeah, i went there. what of it?
4. were you scared?! – again you’ll need to look him straight in the eye and just wait for a response. be as innocent as possible.
5. how do you know it was God? maybe you have a demon of lust. – while he’s choking on his caramel latte that he will most assuredly be drinking, walk away. he won’t try that again any time soon.
people, if you are a person of faith, God should absolutely be a key factor in your dating life. but for His sake! don’t blame him or use Him as an excuse for your cowardice. God says “do not be afraid” dozens of time in the Bible. and He means it.
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and self discipline.” I Timothy 1:7
oh yes i just dropped scripture on your single head, but those sound like excellent qualities in a datable person to me.
drop the stupid lines. be a man.
what are some other comebacks for “God told me we should date”?
what are some other crazy things Christians do to try to get a date?