5 responses to “God told me we should date”

oh Christians, you silly silly new creations.  some of your dating moves should be shot in the face.  and guys, i’m calling you out on this one, because it’s mostly you who do these things.  Christian girls tend to “wait upon the Lord” until they adopt their first cat and panic.

geez sharideth, be a bitch why don’t you?

okay.

guys,

showing her your obvious desirability by demonstrating your chord chart prowess on Love Song for the Savior for the guitar?  no.

asking her to read I Kissed Dating Goodbye with you as a topical Bible study?  no.

telling her your inductive study of Song of Solomon makes you think of her, especially that part about honey and boobs?  no.

then there’s my favorite…

“God told me we should date.”

oh did He now?  did He really?

i don’t think so, you arrogant coward.  you just don’t have the gonads to ask her out.  Jesus is embarrassed.

here’s my top 5 responses:

1.  that’s cool.  i’ll let you know as soon as He tells me the same thing. – then just walk away.

2.  oh yeah?  how? – make sure you look him straight in the eye and wait for a response.  it will get awkward real fast.

3.  was it through a burning bush or was that the last girl? – yeah, i went there.  what of it?

4.  were you scared?! – again you’ll need to look him straight in the eye and just wait for a response.  be as innocent as possible.

5.  how do you know it was God?  maybe you have a demon of lust. – while he’s choking on his caramel latte that he will most assuredly be drinking, walk away.  he won’t try that again any time soon.

people, if you are a person of faith, God should absolutely be a key factor in your dating life.  but for His sake! don’t blame him or use Him as an excuse for your cowardice.  God says “do not be afraid” dozens of time in the Bible.  and He means it.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and self discipline.” I Timothy 1:7

oh yes i just dropped scripture on your single head, but those sound like excellent qualities in a datable person to me.

drop the stupid lines.  be a man.

what are some other comebacks for “God told me we should date”?

what are some other crazy things Christians do to try to get a date?

this came up on a Christian dating site. figured it deserved an honorable mention. it's linked to the site if you click it.

 

Advertisements

18 comments on “5 responses to “God told me we should date”

  1. God told me to ignore your silly remarks. Booyah!

  2. I worked as a Children’s pastor in a church for a few years and I had a man propose to me. We had never dated. I had idea his occasionally flirtation was intended to be much more that the casual exchanges I took it for. God forgive me, I laughed at him, because that’s what I do when I’m uncomfortable, I laugh. He didn’t see the humor the same way I did. So Christian guys, make sure you can man up and be direct about your interest, but not so direct that you emotionally tackle a girl out of nowhere.

  3. Lauren Jean says:

    I usually answer with, “Oh, that’s funny, ’cause God told me not to date people who use that line,” and then just walk away.

  4. How do christians date? Seeing that the Bible don’t go into that at all.

  5. jahouk says:

    So apparently “God told me we are supposed to get married” is a huge pickup line out at Calvary Chapel Bridal College… err, Calvary Chapel Bible College…

    My pastor was passing along a story from one of the pastors he was talking to while at pastor’s conference when his daughter wanted to go to Bible college there. The other pastor’s daughter wanted to leave school because all the boys coming up to her saying that very thing. The other pastor, the dad, didn’t believe his daughter until they were walking around together and yet another boy came up and said the “God told me…” thing…

    I think the best response for that “God told me…” thing is…

    So you are speaking on behalf of God? Becuase you know what the Bible says we should do to false prophets… and look, there is a pile of stones right over there!!!

  6. Jennifer C. says:

    Huh. I guess He really does use talking donkeys.
    … then walk away.

  7. laurie says:

    I have some pretty psychotic relatives and My aunt and her 22 year old son decided God had told both of them a 16 yr old girl in their church was to be his future bride. They went as far as to buy her a wedding dress. Her parents were so freaked out they moved away with her. Smart people.
    A couple years later he started “being friends” with a 15 yr old. She got pregnatn and his mother took them to mexico to get married to make it right in Gods eyes. And yes as a family we did report this to cps but they hid her and her parents didn’t really care so nothing was ever done. They are still married and have 4 kids. I think she’s 21 now and it is still just so sick.

  8. That is quite funny. My friend just posted a very similar blog a couple of days ago! http://sweetsirensofmudhock.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/the-lopsided-proposal/

    I also think it’s a bit of a cop-out if you are ending things with a girl. “I really like you but, you know, God told me that you’re not the one. I just don’t know why.” um, yeah.

  9. I might actually slap myself in the face if I ever heard those words coming out of my mouth.

  10. susanft says:

    that other blog CAN’T be serious!?!?!?
    God told me I should date you huh? well, clearly no one I know ever listens….where are these men acting on Gods mighty word:)

  11. sarah says:

    i totally recently adopted a cat. and panicked. and now i’m panicking again.

  12. asoulwalker says:

    I obviously grew up in the wrong christian circles because I never got to hear this and I feel like I missed out on some epic comedy. I hate missing epic comedy. I really really do.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s