50 things girls want guys to know…and my response to them (part 2)

oh yes, this awful girl has more to say.  and i have more to delete.  her inexplicable obsession with using sex as a weapon puts her firmly in the category of manipulative slug slime.  just to satisfy your curiosity, she actually lists biting during a BJ as retaliation for him not being good at oral sex.  geez, i wish i were lying.  she’s really that horrible.  if the rest is to be believed, like threatening to sleep with your best friend if you’re bad in bed, she is also slutty.  moral of the story?  do the opposite of what she says to find yourself a decent girl.

here’s part 1.

here we go with part 2:

26. We love surprises! – girls like you only like the “right” kind of surprises.  as defined by you, of course.  God help him if he gets it wrong.

27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue. – okay.  sure.  but sometimes a little aggression is sexy.

28. Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most. – no they don’t.  not always.  and especially not to guys.  guys tend to notice and react to macro, not micro.  it’s not a fault, it just is.  you have no right to get upset if he doesn’t notice how nicely you folded his socks.  he’s going to be grateful for clean socks.

29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes . . . NEVER whitey-tighties! – does he get to dictate your underwear choices, too?  no sports bras, push up only!  now run!

30. Clean your room before we come over. – or what?  you’ll withhold affection and be a passive aggressive bitch?  because that’s your MO for whatever displeases you?  oh okay.

31. Always brush your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity. – who are you dating that you have to remind them to do this?

33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are. – translation:  every though you are a worthless jerk who can’t help but be an idiot, i will still be condescending and manipulative.  love you!

36. Sometimes “NO!” really means “NO!” – oh, for love of….sometimes?  really?  i just sighed so hard, my lungs exploded.

37. “Wife Beaters” are not an adequate form of fashion. – okay.  fine.  neither are Uggs.  they’re man made cankles.

39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isnt right. – again, who are you dating who does this?  

40. Don’t let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough. – unless you’re the ex, right?  because i’m guessing your drama has no boundaries.  also, it is no surprise to anyone your relationships are stressful.

41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays. – it takes a special kind of nasty to use the word stupid on someone you’re suppose to love.

42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman. – i think we’ve established your definition of “satisfy”…

43. “Fat Chicks” have feelings too. – i’m sure “fat chicks” feel very validated right now.

44. Silent treatment, shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! – because God forbid you should actually tell him what upset you, you batshit crazy tramp.  

45. The excuse “I can’t dance” is unacceptable . . . we’ll appreciate the simple fact that you’re trying. – then ridicule him for not being any good, i bet.  humiliation is so sexy!

46. Just because a girl doesnt pick up on the first ring doesnt mean shes not waiting by the phone. – good grief.  stop taking all your dating cues from Gossip Girl.

47. You dont have to spend a lot, if it means a lot. – i’m pretty sure your pants just erupted in flames.  you are definitely the girl who will complain if the hand bag isn’t designer.

48. Dont say you love me if you dont mean it. – at this point, i don’t even think your parents could mean it.

49. Dont lie to us . . . we will catch you. – here’s a tip.  don’t be such a rotten human being and he won’t have to lie to you.

50. When us girls get together, we talk about everything. My friends know everything about you. – oh thank God.  if the rest wasn’t bad enough, admitting this means you’ll never date and wreck anyone of quality ever again.  beautiful.  i encourage you to lead with this on every first date you have.

guys, if a girl told you she tells her friends everything about you, how would you respond?

girls, do you do this?  do your friends have to know everything?


19 comments on “50 things girls want guys to know…and my response to them (part 2)

  1. Regarding #45…why on earth would dancing be so important? Dancing is a thing you do for fun, not a foundational requirement for humanity. I’ve danced once in my life, and then only because I was forced to do so. It was an unpleasant experience I’d rather not have to duplicate. If that’s not okay — if dancing is a requirement — I might as well just give up now.

    • Regan says:

      It’s not. I don’t dance either, and there are lots of girls like me. 🙂

    • bethagrace says:

      Dancing is fun, and you need a male partner for a lot of it. If I’m dating you, I can’t go swing dancing with some other guy, which means that if *you* don’t go, I’ll never be able to swing dance again until you die and I’m allowed to hit on the only single man in the whole nursing home!

      But, of course, there are lots (LOTS) of girls who would just rather watch. Dancing is only a requirement for some people.

      • ninja says:

        What? if you were together with me, i would force you to dance with someone else, at least once in a while

        Couples who cant dance with other people annoys me greatly. If you dont trust you or your gf to dance with other people, what else. Dance is more rewarding when you dance with more partners, Pluss you also learn more.

        • bethagrace says:

          OK, yes, dancing with other partners is fine. But I wouldn’t *go* dancing with another guy, as in, “Lasagna’s in the fridge, sweetie. Went out dancing with Rick.”

  2. It’s not that weird her girl friends would know everything. In her case, it wouldn’t be a good thing, but I’m often surprised at the male/female difference in telling friends. I’m not that concerned and I trust my girlfriend in her judgement of everything. I just would tell less to my friends.

  3. Regarding #45: As long as you say nothing but “thank you” when I step on your toes, accidentally drop you while trying to dip you, or trip over my own feet and fall face first into your cleavage while knocking you into the buffet table and sending the punch bowl flying in front of the entire party you’ve dragged me to, then I’m sure there’s no problem here. :>

  4. LOVE your response to 44. Awesome!

    And, no, we don’t have to tell *everything* to our girlfriends. If her friends are prepared to listen to *everything* then maybe they are as bad as she is.

  5. melonie says:

    I do kind of agree with # 31. Even the nicest guy can sometimes seem to forget basic hygiene once he’s comfortable around you. But that’s just my 2 cents.

  6. Melanie West says:

    The “female” that wrote the original list should have her uterus removed via her throat. She’s an idiot.

  7. Jessi says:

    Yes I talk to my gf about the stuff that happens but I also only spill the good stuff to the ones I can trust or we are haven the same issue. It helps to know someone else understands but I never say anything that would make them look at my man in a different way. As far as this advice she gives I do firmly believe she never had a positive male model to form opionions on and the women who raised her taught her these bad things.

  8. Hm, if a woman I’m dating tells me she tells her friends everything about me, I just shrug because I kind of assumed that she would already. I’d just be curious what their feedback was.

    Although, with that particular example of womanhood, my reply would probably be, “That’s cool, I’ve been blogging every detail of our relationship already.” – regardless of whether that were true or not (I imagine it would be at that point just about to become true…) Not that I can imagine any such relationship ever forming, mind.

    Loved most of the responses, just a couple of my own to note:

    “Rules” that mean I dump a woman if she applies them: 39, 41, 44, 45. Especially 44. 39 because if she has trouble with my emoting over fiction, then how the heck is she going to cope when I have some real-life scaled emotions over a real-life issue?

    “28. Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.”

    Because who doesn’t want to be dating a paranoid neurotic who reads hidden meaning into the way you scratched your nose this morning?

    “33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.”

    Right back atcha. And the author of this list, I reckon is pretty insensitive and hurts a lot of men (but probably doesn’t realise it because she thinks men don’t have feelings, or else they deserved to get hurt because men shouldn’t have feelings that can get hurt?)

  9. Telling the girlfriends *everything* about a boyfriend is such a cop-out. She wants to get all the minute details off her chest and find validation for the irritation she has toward him. If they were true friends that’d probably bring things into perspective, but judging from the lists, she doesn’t have any of those and only hangs with fellow shallow, hypocritical, selfish biotches that feel the same. My advice to a girl like this: go on a mission trip to a third world country and be jolted into a reality BEYOND your self-centered bubble.

    Sharideth, even though you have added some of the best humored remarks, “does he get to dictate your underwear choices, too? no sports bras, push up only! now run!” …these lists are atrocious! I can’t believe we have gotten so far away from honoring men and respecting them as HUMAN beings. Granted, there is sludge out there from both genders, but good grief, this girl has the worst advice I’ve ever seen. It’s refreshing to see your stance-humor and all. I enjoy reading your blog. 🙂

  10. Daveinjax says:

    I love girls like this. I don’t want a real relationship but I do like to get laid , alot! Mean , high maintanence , passive agressive women are guilt free for me. I can use them for my own fun and not feel a bit bad about it. Pump them up , have my fun , and let the air out. If I meet a decent , warm woman I can’t live with myself and still use her. A woman like her is a free pass to be my worst douchebag self. She sees men as objects and I return the favor.

  11. […] point is..she wrote the following, actually in 2 posts..here..and here… but I’m combining into one.. just b/c I […]

  12. asoulwalker says:

    If someone told all their friends “everything” about me I would know that I couldn’t trust them. The gender would be unimportant as would our relationship status (which would be instantly changed).

  13. asoulwalker says:

    P.S.- I love UGGS and I don’t care who wrongly disagrees with my aesthetic position.

  14. Ok so my friends no absolutely nothing about my guy, well at least not every single detail about him

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