oh yes, this awful girl has more to say. and i have more to delete. her inexplicable obsession with using sex as a weapon puts her firmly in the category of manipulative slug slime. just to satisfy your curiosity, she actually lists biting during a BJ as retaliation for him not being good at oral sex. geez, i wish i were lying. she’s really that horrible. if the rest is to be believed, like threatening to sleep with your best friend if you’re bad in bed, she is also slutty. moral of the story? do the opposite of what she says to find yourself a decent girl.
here we go with part 2:
26. We love surprises! – girls like you only like the “right” kind of surprises. as defined by you, of course. God help him if he gets it wrong.
27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue. – okay. sure. but sometimes a little aggression is sexy.
28. Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most. – no they don’t. not always. and especially not to guys. guys tend to notice and react to macro, not micro. it’s not a fault, it just is. you have no right to get upset if he doesn’t notice how nicely you folded his socks. he’s going to be grateful for clean socks.
29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes . . . NEVER whitey-tighties! – does he get to dictate your underwear choices, too? no sports bras, push up only! now run!
30. Clean your room before we come over. – or what? you’ll withhold affection and be a passive aggressive bitch? because that’s your MO for whatever displeases you? oh okay.
31. Always brush your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity. – who are you dating that you have to remind them to do this?
33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are. – translation: every though you are a worthless jerk who can’t help but be an idiot, i will still be condescending and manipulative. love you!
36. Sometimes “NO!” really means “NO!” – oh, for love of….sometimes? really? i just sighed so hard, my lungs exploded.
37. “Wife Beaters” are not an adequate form of fashion. – okay. fine. neither are Uggs. they’re man made cankles.
39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isnt right. – again, who are you dating who does this?
40. Don’t let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough. – unless you’re the ex, right? because i’m guessing your drama has no boundaries. also, it is no surprise to anyone your relationships are stressful.
41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays. – it takes a special kind of nasty to use the word stupid on someone you’re suppose to love.
42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman. – i think we’ve established your definition of “satisfy”…
43. “Fat Chicks” have feelings too. – i’m sure “fat chicks” feel very validated right now.
44. Silent treatment, shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! – because God forbid you should actually tell him what upset you, you batshit crazy tramp.
45. The excuse “I can’t dance” is unacceptable . . . we’ll appreciate the simple fact that you’re trying. – then ridicule him for not being any good, i bet. humiliation is so sexy!
46. Just because a girl doesnt pick up on the first ring doesnt mean shes not waiting by the phone. – good grief. stop taking all your dating cues from Gossip Girl.
47. You dont have to spend a lot, if it means a lot. – i’m pretty sure your pants just erupted in flames. you are definitely the girl who will complain if the hand bag isn’t designer.
48. Dont say you love me if you dont mean it. – at this point, i don’t even think your parents could mean it.
49. Dont lie to us . . . we will catch you. – here’s a tip. don’t be such a rotten human being and he won’t have to lie to you.
50. When us girls get together, we talk about everything. My friends know everything about you. – oh thank God. if the rest wasn’t bad enough, admitting this means you’ll never date and wreck anyone of quality ever again. beautiful. i encourage you to lead with this on every first date you have.
guys, if a girl told you she tells her friends everything about you, how would you respond?
girls, do you do this? do your friends have to know everything?