50 things girls want guys to know…and my response to them (part 1)

first, the original title of this list is “50 Things That Girls Want Us Guys to Know.”   us guys?  really.  the person who wrote this list has a vagina.  no question.  i’m about 1000% positive she’s not someone you fellas would never want to date.  the best things i can say about her is she’s high maintenance and bitchy.  since she claims to be speaking for a host of other women, i hope she reads this.  i’m leaving out a few because they’re about sexual manipulation and i’m not about that here.  and if you’re reading this, girlwhoisnotaguy, you shouldn’t be either.

50 things girsl want guys to know: part 1

1. Dont tell us when you think other girls are hot. – news flash honey, that’s not threatening, that’s biology.  you’re not the only attractive woman in existence, so stop making him pretend like you are.

2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. – hello, Kettle?  this is Pot.  you’re a terrible person.

3. If you dont act like soap-opera guys, dont expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models. – like soap-opera guys?  you’ll dress like a Victoria Secret model if he becomes a cheater/murderer/extortionist who never wears a shirt?  awesome.

4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. – why?  you’ll just badger him about it for at least a full calendar month anyway.

5. There is no such thing as too much spooning. – sure there is.  especially when the AC is broken.

6. We think about you all the time. – creepy.

7. This is how we see it . . . Don’t call = Don’t Care. – then maybe you need to get your prescription checked. 

8. Which also means that if we dont call, take the hint. – guys don’t take hints.  say what you mean instead of being a passive aggressive hag.

9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary. – jealousy is a sign of insecurity.  even a little bit of it.  you shouldn’t like that.

10. Being able to make us laugh is so much more important than how much you can bench-press. – that’s true.  fair enough.

11. Return favors: we massage, you massage, we shave, you shave, etc… – i’m all for reciprocation.  but it doesn’t have to be exactly the same thing.  if my husband shaved his beard, i might refuse to shave my legs until he grew it back.

13. We’re allowed to be late . . . you are not. – Double Standard called, it wants you to get hit by a Greyhound.

14. Eye contact is key. – no it isn’t.  he’s not your girlfriend.  men rarely talk directly at each other.  they sit/stand/walk/run side by side and that’s where most of their conversation happens.  don’t take lack of eye contact personally.  just be glad he’s talking to you at all.  and by “you”, i mean “you who wrote this list specifically”.

15. Dont take longer to get ready than we do. – yeah.  i can get behind this one.

16. Laugh at our jokes. – what if your jokes are terrible?  what if you’re not funny at all?  what if you’re humor is as engaging as your list of things you want guys to know?

17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty. – but don’t tell you that other girls are attractive?  all right.

18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers. – tell that to Lady Gaga fans.  and i’ll see your “guy groupies are stalkers” and raise you a “girl groupies are sluts”.  i mean, since we’re generalizing and all…

20. Do not start an argument with us – You will not win. – good lord, you’re really an awful person, aren’t you?

21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didnt think so. – like what?  your standard for acceptable manly behavior seems to be groveling and fear of you.  does anything other than that count as treating you poorly?

22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way. – usually?  usually?!?  niceness has to be earned from you?  pull the stiletto out of your nether regions.

23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes. – that’s fine.  just don’t expect him to go into debt to pay for it.

24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month. – did you write this list during that time?  oh and no, you don’t.

25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car. – you’re giving guys instruction on common courtesy?  i think i just got my recommended daily dose of irony.

am i completely off base guys?  does this girl seem like someone you’d be interested in?

ladies, are you as embarrassed by this chick as i am?  do you have anything you’d actually like guys to know?


22 comments on “50 things girls want guys to know…and my response to them (part 1)

  1. Nancy Schmancy says:

    I only want her to be my friend so that maybe she’ll learn even just a tiny bit of how to not be a wench. Who is this psycho, anyway??

  2. One should also point out the irony of number 17 in light of her pretending to be a guy in order to talk to guys. Honesty.

  3. Whoa. You can tell even without the ones about sexual manipulation that you left out that this woman clearly views herself as an object to be earned.

    I feel like this is what happens as women feel the need to assert power BECAUSE they are women and not just because they are human, and as such deserve respect. This type of attitude is actually more objectifying. I only become annoyed when someone treats me in a way they assume all women should find flattering. We’re all people. We’re all different. Use common courtesy, allow me to be an individual, and I’ll understand the everyone makes ridiculous, embarrassing mistakes.

    The only dating rule I’ve ever followed: If you can’t love the flaws, you don’t love the person.

  4. This woman doesn’t want a boyfriend or a husband. She wants a subject.

  5. becca3416 says:

    Amen! These made me cringe a little. I especially like your response to number 11. Beards are definite panty droppers.

  6. reneamac says:

    Two words can pretty much sum this list up: Double Standard. Unless the sound of me grimacing counts as a word.

  7. jrob says:

    Very nice work. Once again, you are on target, this iceberg has much under the surface that will rip your guts open. Your responses are laser-guided bombs, but 3 & 11, I like them. A lot. Yeah, facial hair is de rigeur, just sayin’… So, I want an autographed copy of your book. Make that 10 copies, I am getting ready for Christmas 🙂 that IS a hint.

  8. Jeremy says:

    You’re response to #8 is priceless. That is what I tell all of my chick friends. Guys don’t take hints and we’re kinda dumb. I actually laughed out loud at work multiple times, at work.

  9. susanft says:

    Yeah here’s what I want guys to know: I am a woman, I am trusting (yeah ok, slightly naive) even though I have the scrapes and abrasions to show my weakness. You know this. so stop freaking telling me lies just to impress me. It’s only going to end in tears.

  10. bethagrace says:

    3. Laughed out loud at your response. Love it!

    14. I see this as something we can go halfsies on (which is what I do naturally anyway, so I guess there’s not compromise for me). Yes, guys talk side-by-side, and girls should appreciate that. But can’t guys do the same for girls? Maybe eye contact isn’t *key*, but I don’t think it’s wrong for the girl to say it’s important.

    16. So with you on this. No one, guy or girl, should get anything but a polite smile/chuckle when they tell an unfunny joke. Why would you encourage that kind of awkwardness in an adult?

    24. This is golden. Anyway, if monthly bitchiness is excused, guys can come back with Irritable Male Syndrome (it’s a thing!) when they hit their 30s. Just saying.

  11. Grant Rice says:

    Awesome retort, Sharideth. Looking forward to Part II.

  12. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with expecting a guy to not constantly tell you when he finds other women hot.

    I personally find that tiresome when my husband does it. I have eyes. I can see she’s hot. I don’t need him to tell me.

    • zkhei says:

      Hearing it all the time would be horrible. But I think once in a while its perfectly fine. Both men and women appreciate attractive people, so why is it so bad when he comments on another woman’s looks? I think the fact that he is comfortable enough to even tell you (without fearing for his life) is the bigger compliment. At least he is honest and believes that his feelings for you are faaaaar greater than phsyical attraction. Thats not to say that he doesnt find you attractive either

  13. zkhei says:

    this girl sounds kind of high maintenance. if i were a guy i wouldnt want to date her. what happened to just going with the flow and being yourself. its not a broadway musical

  14. It could be a guy. The type that is conditioned by his girl and applies this knowledge on all women, instead of smacking his girlfriend in the face with a pillow and leaving her. I’ve met them. I once received a lecture on ‘how to lie about playing video games so she won’t find out’. I left before the key note speaker on ‘Ice cream, foot rubs and tampons, how to have five days of obedient happiness’.

  15. Lindsay says:

    Nice job. Way to call it out.

  16. #8… holy batman.. so true, so stinkin true. I’m re-blogging this and declaring you as a genius.

  17. […] point is..she wrote the following, actually in 2 posts..here..and here… but I’m combining into one.. just b/c I […]

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