I’m kind of hopelessly socially awkward, to an extent that I had my first and last boyfriend was when I was fourteen. I’m almost twenty now. It’s okay, you can laugh. Most of my adolescence was comically awkward. So basically, I wanted to ask you how to get into a relationship. Is there a pamphlet? A how-to guide? Ten Easy Steps to Finding an Un-Creepy Male with Reasonably Good Hygiene? I know it’s kind of dumb.
There is one guy I kind of like a lot, but I’m pretty sure he’s not interested in me except as a friend, cause he dated my friend, but then he broke up with my friend and now I don’t know if he knows I ever liked him, or if he has no idea, or if he just thinks I’m weird, or if he likes me as a friend and nothing else. How’s that for a run-on sentence?
Did I mention he sits next to me in one of my classes? (Makes hyperventilating noises) And, of course, I feel like kind of a douchebag for wanting to snatch him up after he broke up with my friend. Help?
Oh my gosh I have NO idea what I’m doing.
i’m going to call you OMG for short. k? k.
i’m going to take your last question first because it’s easier to answer than the first part and i’m all about avoidance.
being into someone who has recently broken up with your friend can be touchy. there’s some things you need to know before proceeding?
does she still have feelings for him?
would it upset her if you dated him?
has she known all along you liked him?
if she still has feelings for him, then you need to lay low because you could lose a friend over it. if she knew all along you liked him and dated him anyway, then it kind of doesn’t matter if she would be upset because she doesn’t have a whole lot of high road there.
if she’s over it, go for it. all’s fair and all that.
now to the first part…
oh man. if i had a definitive answer to how to get into a relationship and stop being awkward, i’d write the book and get rich. actually that sounds like a pretty good plan…
unfortunately, i don’t have an answer that will work for everyone.
the best i’ve got is this:
you won’t stop being awkward with men until you stop viewing yourself as awkward.
confidence comes from within. it can be learned, but it also has to be believed. how do you learn it? good question. i’m glad i asked it.
i don’t know.
hang on! i’m not totally going to leave you twisting in the wind. i have some suggestions. but the truth is, until you stop telling yourself you’re awkward and start focusing on the things that make you awesome, it’s not going to work. it’s you against you. but try these things to get you started:
1. hang out with and watch people who are confident. pay attention to what they do and how they interact. notice when they listen, when they speak, when they crack jokes, when they make fun of themselves and especially when they are teasing someone else. begin to emulate the behavior. don’t panic. you don’t have to jump right into the deep end. small steps are awesome.
2. read Miss Insecurity and use the techniques i teach guys to help girls gain confidence and turn them on yourself. learn to say no. learn to take a compliment. stop telling yourself you are less than you really are.
3. move out of your comfort zone. initiate conversation. go to places or events you’ve avoided out of fear. it’s not so bad. you’ll see.
4. give yourself a makeover. oh man, there’s nothing like upgrading your wardrobe, getting your hair did and buying a whole new set of makeup to perk you up. not sure what to do about fashion, hair and/or makeup? you’ve got a friend that does (everyone has) and i would bet dollars to donuts she would jump at the chance to have at you. don’t fear the
i know all of these things sound easy for me to say. my confidence could probably stand to be brought down a couple of notches. but the truth is, i was you. for reals. i’ve been there, but i learned. i got tired of being the doormat, the wall flower, the girl everyone took advantage of.
you don’t have to be her any more either.
once you find yourself, are proud of yourself, are secure being just who you are without a guy, the men will follow. men will see your value, but they will assess it as high as you do.
set the bar high.
oh so sincerely,
what else would you guys say to our friend?