I have a friend that has been dating a guy for a couple of months. They’re both insistant that it was love at first sight, etc. Normally, I would be concerned about the speed, however, this particular friend is very responsible and guarded about dating and has been single for almost 5 years because of it. I get that she can’t help who she loves, so I’m not going to jump her case about the speed. I believe she knows what she is doing. Now to the problem:
This guy has a female best friend. That doesn’t really bug my friend, but he told her he and the best friend dated for a while back in the day. Apparently, he has mentioned this several times. Before the guy and my friend started dating, the best friend planned a trip to come and stay here for a few days at the guy’s house. She is now married and has her own family. My friend has a problem with the ex staying at her boyfriend’s. My friend proposed a compromise asking if the ex could stay at a hotel; there’s one at the end of his street.
She broke down in tears because he is completely unwilling to listen to her on this matter. The ex didn’t book her flight until the day after my friend ran out of his house crying. The guy told the ex to book the flight anyway. On the one hand, I think my friend is somewhat justified here. On the other hand, she assures me this is not a trust thing with the guy, it’s just that she doesn’t know this girl so maybe he’s right. Not sure. Thoughts?
Trying to Help
i know there was more drama to your question, but i had to edit for length. sorry. i will take the rest of it in consideration when i answer though. cool? cool.
this is one is pretty easy for me. he doesn’t respect her feelings. any woman, neurotic or reasonable, would be weird with another woman, especially an ex, she’s never met and constantly hears about coming to stay in her boyfriend’s house for any amount of time. the fact that he won’t (not can’t, big difference) see how not cool this is, just makes the whole thing pretty cut and dried for me.
he’s not over his ex.
he’s willing to hurt his girlfriend in order to hang with the “best friend”. that speaks volumes.
there are options to make this whole situation less weird and more happy-making for everyone. he’s just not willing. he’s not willing because he’s got issues that the girlfriend is either unaware of or only suspects. either way, her well-being is not his first priority, the ex is.
i’ve been the friend coming to visit, though never to an ex’s house, and i know it can be done respectfully, where everyone is comfortable. this isn’t that.
this whole thing feels really off to me. add in all the other drama, and it’s Lindsay Lohan off.
he’s not as in to this relationship as you friend is. i don’t care what he says. real men in love, don’t do this.
oh so sincerely,
guys, i’d really like your thoughts on this. would you do this to a girlfriend?
ladies, would any of you be okay with this?