I’m smart. Really smart. Like valedictorian-of-high-school-class, graduated-Summa-Cum-Laude-with-a-B.S.-in-Counseling-and-Clinical-Research, professors-knew-who-I-was-before-I-took-their-classes smart.
All that is well and good. The problem comes when this smart, knowledge-loving young woman catches herself falling for a young man who, while common-sensical, sometimes doesn’t know words like viscous or almanac. I don’t doubt his intelligence (he struggled with ADHD all through grade school), but his lack of academic knowledge and his technical school degree throw me off a bit.
I’m just getting to know him, since we only met in October. He seems genuine, sweet and kind, and it’s oddly endearing the way he sings loudly despite knowing he sounds like an injured and dying cat.
I don’t want to be an ass and dismiss him because he doesn’t know as much as I do. But I also don’t want to get caught up in someone I may become bored with because I can’t discuss the books I’ve read, or whatever other snobbish thing you can imagine.
Besides waiting it out to know him better, what advice would you give? Am I being an ass already by being concerned about this?
first, don’t judge my grammar. if you’ve been here more than one sentence, you already know it’s atrocious.
let me assure you, you are not being an ass. the fact that you have been willing to see his quality and are asking the questions makes that pretty clear.
sometimes people’s intelligence shows itself in different ways. it can be complimentary to a relationship. Craig is smarter than i am in glaring and obvious ways, while i am smarter than he is in ways that are…less…noticeable. it works for us. besides, what you have stored in your brain isn’t always the best indicator of intelligence.
i knew three brothers with genius level IQs. they had perfect recall for everything they had ever read. they were unstoppable at bible quizzing.
they were also useless as human beings. one drove a Yugo, for god’s sake. absolutely zero common sense between the three of them, but they probably would have killed at Jeopardy.
i have also seen great wisdom in men who never made it past the 5th grade.
so where does that leave you? i’m getting there. scout’s honor.
if the disparity in intelligence is too far apart, or the practical application so different that the common ground is only big enough to hold a bonzai tree, you should probably move on. there’s no crime in that. but if you think what he has to offer is a strength to your weakness, maybe give it a little more time.
however, if you feel yourself getting bored, AT ALL, that’s your answer. he’s not for you. you’re smart enough to know that the endearing stuff will wear thin and you still need to be able to talk over coffee for the long haul. if you don’t see that happening, do both of you a favor and let it go.
and now i know i can’t do that Boy Scout finger salute thing before coffee in the morning. we’ve all grown.
oh so sincerely,
what do you guys think?
have you ever been in a relationship where one of you was measurably smarter than the other?