PMS

Pre Menstrual Syndrome my butt.  it can be before, during or after.  hormones are sadistic SOBs, who respect neither time nor man.

oh yes.  this is going to be good.

a friend of mine asked me in the comments a few days ago to write a post about PMS.  i’m not sure i’m going to write what she thinks i should, but she’s use to me not giving her what she wants.  you’re welcome, Laurie.

this is going to have to be two parts of one whole big monthly mess.

first up, guys.

gentlemen, PMS (in whatever demonic form it takes) is real.  some women never experience it and are universally hated by those that do. but it can drive others to break most of the 10 commandments every 28 days.  the speculum spectrum is a broad and possesses colors and variations not seen in nature.

i’ve already outlined how to deal with an irrational female here.  go ahead and read that, then read it again.  when it comes to PMS though, i need to add one thing.

do not allow her to use it as an excuse to do or say whatever she wants to you.  you are not required to have abuse hurled at you just because she’s on the rag a rampage.  feel free to say, “i love you, so i’m going to leave until you’ve got yourself together.  call me when it’s safe and i’ll bring you chocolate.”  and for the love of all that’s dear to you, like your junk, do not ever be patronizing to a woman on her period about being on her period.  period.

alright, alright, okay now ladies.  i see we gon’ break it down in just a few seconds.  don’t make me break it down for nothin’…

Lord Jesus, please don’t let anyone be PMSing while they read this.  i don’t want to be killed in my sleep.  amen.

i understand that PMS and the hormones coursing through your emotions can make you feel compelled to do and say things you wouldn’t normally.  i get it.

but…BUT…

you don’t have any right to do and say those things.

*ducks*

you cannot control what is happening biologically inside your body, but you sure as $#!+ can control yourself.  you can shut your mouth, you can put that bowl down you’re about to throw at his head, you can remove yourself before you hurt/abuse/yell at someone.

PMS is not now, nor has it ever been, an excuse to treat someone badly.  learn coping skills, train yourself to walk away, get on meds, but do not just allow yourself to react to whatever emotion is taking you over at the moment.

and be quick to apologize when you do lose it.  do not blame anyone for anything.  chances are, those around you are desperately trying to keep the pin in that grenade.

because they know.  you might think they don’t.  but they do.

now, i’m going to let you process that for a few while i beef up my security system and buy a suit of armor.

ladies, what specific things do you want guys to understand about PMS?

any horror stories from either side of the reproductive system?

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21 comments on “PMS

  1. Rachel says:

    I suffer from two different points of the spectrum. And never at the same time. I’m either furiously irritated for no good reason or ready to jump off a cliff. It’s awful either way. It would be great to have a free pass to just escape life and go off and sit alone in the woods until it passes, but I don’t want to waste vacation days on PMS days. For me, on one end of the spectrum, I am angry and impatient and I hate feeling that way but there’s nothing I can do about it. About every other month though, it just makes everything unbearably awful. It feels like the end of the world. For example, on Sunday I felt rejected by everyone I care about, started questioning if I actually have any real friends, longed a bit whimsically for death, and cried all the way to the nature preserve where I went to run out my stress. I was fine by Monday. PMS is a real jerk to everyone.

  2. Lauren Jean says:

    Yeah, I happen to be one of the hated women whose never experienced PMS, though I did frequently use it to get out of gym class. But as one who lived with a mother and sister who experienced it to the degree of throwing up, let me just say that you can control your actions, which will bring more sympathy from those around you.

    And guys giving sympathy will help with the irrational behavior, most of the time.

  3. Laurie says:

    Mine lasts the entire week before my period but like clock work my breasts get sore (TMI?). Which Is my sign to buckle up. I usually walk around silently for a week because I know what I’m thinking and feeling is irrational and hormonal. I get a bit short with people and get some pretty intense anxiety, but My closest friends and partner know what’s going on, and I typically warn them. “Listen, I know I’m pms’ing, but do you think this spot on my face looks cancerous?” Then typically a day after I start, I begin thinking rationally again. I then look back on the week and think Why cant I just stop doing that every month? But it’s truly impossible for me. The best thing I can do is just manage my symptoms and zip it. Thanks for the post Sharideth. Some men really have a very hard time understanding this.

  4. G Fresh says:

    Sooooo…throwing chocolate at her and then running in the other direction—yay or nay?

  5. Jen says:

    Amen! I get pretty emotional, and possibly skim the surface of crazy-chick, during that time, but I have learned to keep my space, warn my husband ahead of time, and talk much slower so as to still be aware of the things I am saying. So from someone who does experience PMS, it IS possible to control yourself! It takes work, but you can do it!

  6. Chris says:

    Is PMS better or worse than being pregnant?

    • Jessi says:

      Better! At least you can time Pms. While pregnant (37 weeks right now) it can come bc I washed a dish wrong and break down in tears or he rolled over to my side of the bed and I didn’t feel like being touched. Bless his heart he was sleeping and moved and I kicked him. I will take m period back any time over being pregnant! Write that in stone!

  7. RFL says:

    A-frickin-men. Good post.

  8. Jessi says:

    Please men understand! We may say or do something that may hurt your feelings. 99.9% of the time it has NOTHING to do with you. It’s an us thing. We love you. Lots! We are sorry. But we where made that way. Lol

  9. Jenn says:

    I have learned after just over a decade and a half of being “gifted” with PMS and all that comes with it to be more aware of it and try to be conscious of my behavior. It for me normally comes out as being more prone to crying – but that’s normally about the same time that “some things” get bigger so I normally have a bit of a heads up. I will say also for men, if you’re lady is using a systemic hormonal birth control (ie the Pill) be extra gracious because it can make hormones worse for some women – making them even more irrational and anxious. I have found this to be the case for myself and my friends – so beware. Of course if you’re dating and she hasn’t shared that medical information with you don’t just assume that or ask – or well no amount of chocolate in the world will be able to redeem you.

  10. Bekah Hope says:

    YES. if I may reiterate your point about not patronizing a girl?

    “Are you on your period?” is NEVER a welcome response to whatever crying jag/fit of rage/bit of pissiness your girl is exhibiting. Even if she is on it, and it makes a your comment makes a point. NOT a good approach to smoothing over the situation. I would know because I have done this (to my sister) and it’s been said to me. It only fuels the fire.

    That being said, I completely agree Sharideth. We can’t use this as a cop out for lack of self-control. I know it’s difficult but it is entirely possible to refrain from lashing out at the people in our life. Even if, as you said, it means walking away.

    I will definitely pass this along to the next man who asks me “Are you on your period?”…. (especially galling when I’m NOT!)

  11. Sylvie says:

    I don’t have a problem with lashing out at other people; my PMS issue is that I start to hate life itself and begin to contemplate drastic measures such as quitting my job or ending relationships, etc. It’s so bad that even my psychiatrist admits he’s not sure if I actually have major depression (my long-standing diagnosis) or just really nightmarish mood swings that come on a week or two before my period. Maybe just because of my particular personality I don’t have any real problems with lashing out at other people, but I do get very easily frustrated and sensitive and weepy. All it takes is one tactless comment and I’m a total basketcase. But knowing that will happen every month doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

    I know most women have increased appetite, mild cramps, etc., but is that really PMS or just the typical discomfort associated with menstruation? I mean, getting your period is NEVER a walk in the park. It’s easy to dismiss PMS as just being crabby and craving chocolate and crying at rom-coms or whatever, but seriously, for some of us, it really sucks.

  12. Bethany says:

    Love this. I see the PMS excuse the same way I see the coffee excuse. Yes, we realize you haven’t had your coffee yet, but that’s not *our* fault, and it’s not a valid reason to be a jerk first thing in the morning.

    Of course, I say this as someone who doesn’t drink coffee or experience monthly mood swings, so…. I just want everyone to be nice!

    • Jenn says:

      Haha I think this is where we need to be called for our “b*tchiness.” For example my ex boyfriend informed me I’m a silently raging b*tch without my coffee in the morning. I total didn’t know that I was – I always am nice to the barista in Starbucks but I guess that’s because they’re the only thing between me and my coffee. So now I have my coffee maker on automatic – ensures I am nice to everyone even at 6am or I don’t talk or make eye contact before I buy my coffee. And for the record I did not break up with him because of that comment – I was kind of relieved he told me.

  13. Rose Jackson says:

    hi. i discovered your blog today. i love you. i have laughed out loud many times. kthanksbye.

  14. Sophia says:

    I recently read this before my most pdubs (period week->pw->pdubs), and had to keep in mind the self-control necessity. Usually, it’s more of a down on myself, freaking out personally problem–not anger. But oh, this time anger came. Because my boyfriend said he was going to bring me chocolately ice cream, and I didn’t hear from him til over an hour after I thought I was getting it. GOING CRAZY. (It did NOT help that I was simultaneously writing an important 15 page paper.) He never wanted to know about this stuff, but I need him to know that I feel like crap, need chocolate and a hug, but I’ll be okay in a couple days. One night, he just sat and held my hand. That’s what I need: chocolate and a reassurance that I am loved. Oh, and for the record, he didn’t get me my ice cream sooner because he was with his best friend from out of town and at prayer group for his summer job and his phone had died. He wasn’t ignoring me. 🙂

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