5 questions for guys…and their answers…for girls

girls sometimes forget that their boyfriends aren’t girlfriends.  they want to interact the same way they would with their besties and it makes guys cringeshuddershrink.  yeah, i know that’s not a real word, but it should be because every guy reading this knows exactly what i mean.

i recently read an article called 5 Questions Every Man Dreads.  and surprise! i don’t have any criticism of it.  at least not enough to fully mock the crap out of it like i normally would.  what i am going to do is answer them on behalf of men every where, so women can stop feeling the need to ask them.  and by need, i mean obsessive compulsion.

ladies, there will some insight for you along the way about why you just can’t help yourself when it comes to these questions, so be prepared to get pretty pissed at me.


1.  Are you attracted to other women?

  • Answer:  Yes.

guys, if you say no, you know you’re lying, i know you’re lying, she knows you’re lying, people you’ve never met know you’re lying.  being attracted to other women isn’t a character flaw, it’s biology.  it has happened, will happen, is happening.  no big deal as long as the girl you’re with is the focus of your attention.  appreciate a pretty face and move on.  most of you already do this.

ladies, stop fricking fishing.  you know he finds other women attractive, stop trying to make him lie to you to make yourself feel better.  because that’s what you’re doing.  how do i know?  contrary to popular belief, i do have a uterus and have done this very thing.  am i outing all woman-kind?  oh, heck yes.

2.  What happened in your past relationships?

  • Answer: A whole lot of crap that I really don’t want to talk about and regurgitate so you can pick it apart and over analyze it.

guys, the only time you should go into past relationships with your girl is if it is having negative effects on your relationship today. can you bold a period?  cuz’ i totally would.

ladies, stop trying to get him to tell you how much better you are than everyone else he has dated.  oh no i di-int!  oh yes, i did.  asking him to pull out all the ghosts of relationships past doesn’t do anyone any good.  you’re just going to lose sleep over it if he says anything positive about anyone, so let it go.  any any any any…  figured a few more couldn’t hurt.

3.  Where (or how) do you think our relationship is going?

  • Answer:  Take a breath.  It’s all good.

guys, having a DTR convo may have to take place at some point, so have an answer on your back burner.  especially if you’ve been a little ambivalent.  the best way to avoid this one is to just make your intentions as clear as possible.  it’s probably best for all involved if you don’t make her feel like she has to ask this one, because then you might be on damage control.

ladies, please don’t do this one too early.  if he’s dragging his feet about committing, do not throw down with this question or an ultimatum if the relationship is new.  he might just jackrabbit right outta there.  if you’ve been together for a while and it seems to be going nowhere, then by all means, ask away.

4.  What are you thinking?

  • Answer A:  Nothing.
  • Answer B:  Something.

guys, women are biologically incapable of thinking nothing.  they do not understand that you can actually idle without a single thought in your head.  i’m going to do my best to get them to accept this.  but it’s going to be slow.  if you are thinking about something, then just say so.

ladies, if a guy answers “nothing”, believe him.  if you keep poking at him to tell you something, he’ll end up lying to just to shut you up.

5.  Do you enjoy being with your friends more than being with me?

  • Answer:  Sometimes.

guys, it is okay to still want to spend time with your buddies.  healthy even.  there’s probably things you can do with them that she has no interest in.  awesome.  fine.  do that.

ladies, it’s not a competition.  you don’t have to be involved in everything he does and truth? you shouldn’t want to be.  have your girl time, let him have his guy time and be happy with the together time.  this question just makes you sound clingy and needy.

asking questions in relationships is good.  it’s awesome.  it’s bold and healthy.  just make sure you check your motives.  if you are asking because you are looking to get some sort of ego stroke or because your insecurity is getting the better of you, leave it alone.  if you are asking because you have legit concerns about the how the answers might effect the relationship, then by all means, ask away.

guys, did i get any of these wrong?

are there any any any any other questions you want me to answer?

ladies, what are the questions you dread being asked?


24 comments on “5 questions for guys…and their answers…for girls

  1. Rachel says:

    I hate talking about past relationships with a current boyfriend. I prefer the ignorance-is-bliss avenue and don’t want to even think about the past relationships he’s been in, and I translate that into not wanting him to be thinking about me with other men either. So I’d rather he didnt’ ask. Here’s what I would like to say: “Just take it for granted that I have probably dated other people, I’ve probably really liked some of them, maybe even loved a couple, I’ve probably been more physical than I should have, and yes, I regret that, and I’ve definitely had my heart broken before. However, I’m not pining over any of them. I’m crazy about you. So just don’t ask, I don’t want those thoughts in your head.”

  2. Seems quite accurate as a whole. I know there are always exceptions, like the fact that I’m typically quite open about past relationships because I know being super open about that stuff helps me put it all behind me. But as a whole? Seems fairly dead on.

    The key to this entire post is in your last paragraph: “just make sure you check your motives.” We’re definitely more willing to answer questions if we know the motives are honest.

    Or maybe it’s just me and I enjoy talking about myself that much.

  3. Obviously depends on how your relationship works, and requires that your guy know the difference between a hug and a grope, but if you’re feeling insecure, you may find far more effectiveness in just coming up to your guy and giving him a direct “I need a hug right now.” You get a hug, he gets a problem he can fix with an action, potential win-win all around.

    • Jeremy says:

      Such a good point. Coming right up to us and asking for a hug is great. We don’t have to decipher anything or get a hint, which we don’t do. We can just help and fix something, which we like to do.

  4. kp says:

    “guys, women are biologically incapable of thinking nothing.”

    I call BS. I recently learned how to do this, and it is an invaluable trait. Yes, most times my mind is running a million miles an hour, connecting thoughts that really never should be connected (like realizing the correlation between cleaver and cleavage)…but those rare moments where I don’t think anything are amazing.

    I don’t think I dread being asked questions. I get nervous sometimes about how people will feel about my answers, but I think more often than not, guys should be nervous to ask me questions. If you aren’t prepared for an honest answer, I’m not the person you should ask questions of.

    When I first meet people, I don’t eagerly await the “what do your parents do?” question. People can’t usually handle my answer, even when I’m delicate about it. It’s an incredibly hard topic to broach in a relationship as well. People want to create a stigma when you’ve lost someone close to you, like a parent or family member…even if it was years ago.

  5. I never think nothing, but when I say nothing, I’m most likely thinking about beautiful football goals, clipping my toenails or how big the fluff in my belly button is. But only when I really focus on it.

  6. #1 is like asking “Do you have a pulse and at least one of the five senses?” Either you already know the answer or you don’t want to know the answer. In both cases you’re looking for trouble.

  7. Emily says:

    I’m guilty of a compliment-fisher: “What have you told them/your parents/your friends/ random person on the street about me?” This one’s also pretty silly, and my boyfriend answered plainly, “That you’re my girlfriend.” Not sure if he’s unaware or if he’s a genius. It’s hard to tell most days.

  8. Laurie says:

    I think talking about past relationships is crucial if it’s a serious relationship. Recognizing things that didn’t work in the past and figuring out how not to do them in the future is awesome. If the person I’m dating says my x used to think this about me. It gives me a heads up. Maybe your x was right. There are some things that might not be super comfortable, but not talking about past relationships just seems like you’re hiding a part of your life from the person you’re dating. Let me clarify, serious relationship. Not casually dating.

    I will compliment fish, but quite generally and honestly. “For some reason I’m feeling insecure today,”(usually PMS), “Could you please tell me I’m the most beautiful woman you’ve ever met and you couldn’t live without me.” He obliges and we both laugh.

    • That last bit is an example of doing it exactly right. You’ve made him aware of the issue and given him something to say that he can safely use without worry of picking the wrong word and triggering an episode. 🙂

  9. Laurie says:

    And Sharideth I would like to request you write something on PMS. It’s real, it’s ugly, and it can make the most normal woman completely irrational.

  10. Bethany says:

    I have never understood the whole “What are you thinking?” If you’re silently sitting there like a bump on a log, that means one of two things:

    1. I get to sit with you and read a book, letting me enjoy your presence without putting in any effort.

    2. I get to monopolize the conversation. And by conversation, I mean that I will talk regardless of whether you’re listening responding or not, because I love the sound of my own voice (ask my college roommate).

    I guess if the guy *never* talked… but, then, I wouldn’t be dating him.

    • asoulwalker says:

      I never mind when women want to talk if I don’t have to engage much. The girlfriend I communicated with the best talked non-stop like some sort of bunny on crack– but she didn’t ever expect me to reciprocate (that obviously isn’t some sort of philosophical universal– I did, of course, talk sometimes). I could sit silently after a long day of work sipping my coffee and she would tell me everything she wanted to (which was a lot). I found it oddly comforting. I even listened.

      I do have to say, though, I have a lot of trouble thinking about nothing. I can watch soap operas like House does because in order to give my mind a rest I need to put it onto something that has no chance of mattering ever. However, just because I’m always thinking does not mean that I am thinking very fast.

  11. katdish says:

    When asked “What are you thinking about?” an old boyfriend of mine replied, “If I wanted you to know, I’d be talking.”

    Never forgot that, and I understand and am eternally grateful that men don’t think like women do. Women often make the fatal mistake of assuming that what motivates men is as emotionally complicated as what motivates them. I’ve never found that to be the case.

  12. kato writes says:

    I wonder what is wrong with me since my closest friends are mostly men?

  13. Neil says:

    Good clear explanations of motives behind the questions. I appreciate the suggestions for helping understand where they come from. I figured some of that out some time ago but it’s refreshing to know I’m not the only one who gets it. There are still times when yes,no, ‘nothing’ or ‘o.k.’ is still the wrong answer and I’ll probably never figure that out but I’d suppose it’s time to just listen until she lands on the feeling. “I’m feeling like this” should never be answered with “just do this and you won’t feel like that”. That’s just me getting out the ‘fix it’ toolbox instead of having some empathy and trying to understand. Some days I just don’t get it though…sigh.
    Forgive me for this ..question #6..(the one you didn’t include) “Does this make me look fat?” Lose, lose. How to respond? An insensitive guy I knew once told me his answer was..”No dear..the fat makes you look fat”. She didn’t talk to him for two days. (sorry) Love reading your blog. I need all the help I can get.

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