this was originally posted at Bryan Allain’s place. enjoy or don’t. whatevs.
there are certain types of humor which do not translate across gender lines at all. things guys think are funny make girls’ eyes roll so hard, they can see their frontal lobe. and things girls find funny can clear a room of testosterone in about 6.4 seconds.
stuff guys find funny that girls don’t:
1. falling in the toilet when the seat gets left up – if they’re smart, guys learn to control their laughter at this by the time they’re married. they might be saying, “sorry hun, i’ll remember next time”, but on the inside they are laughing like punks and thinking, “when will she learn to look before she sits?!?”
2. getting kicked in the junk – hit, kicked, unexpectedly straddling a teeter totter…it’s hilarious every time it happens to anyone but you. cringe and laugh. cringe and laugh. it never gets old. girls just think you’re all 12 year olds.
3. crashing – guys can watch YouTube videos of other guys seriously biting it all. day. long. if they get to see it in person, total bonus. they’ll be holding their sides all the way to the hospital. girls know that somewhere there’s a mom/girlfriend/wife that’s going to have to put up with the whining for days.
4. Dumb and Dumber – guys love this movie. it’s stupid. my husband made me watch it in the theater on Christmas day the year it came out. that’s all i have to say about that.
5. the word “moist” – if it can be obscurely or awkwardly worked into a sentence, guys are going to try to use it. they love it. if girls had a magic wand to remove one word from Websters, it would be “moist”. it’s a terrible word.
stuff girls find funny that guys don’t:
1. Reese Witherspoon – girls think she’s a riot. they watch Legally Blond every time it’s on TV. given the opportunity to date Reese, guys would get all up ons, but they would rather be the one kicked in the junk than have to watch one of her movies.
2. cramps – girls can joke about the crippling pain brought on by Aunt Flo for hours. they do this to stay sane. it’s like the black humor morticians and EMTs develop to cope with dead people. guys have already skipped to number 3 or left this blog entirely. the whole concept terrifies them.
3. fish face pictures – stick a camera on pack of girls and they are all going to pucker their faces like guppies. then they will squeal and giggle and think the world is full of unicorns that poop rainbows and kittens. guys make a face too when they see this, but it clearly says, “why do they do that?”
4. funny men – oh man, girls do love a guy with a sense of humor. they will laugh and toss their hair and be completely enamored with the wit and charm of the funny man. guys just get annoyed and think, “they’re buying that? really?”
5. Dr. appointments – nothing funnier than pelvic exams and mammograms. at least not to females. the jokes are legion. men won’t even admit to having a prostate exam. their jokes end with “turn your head and cough”.
these things aren’t going to change, people. there will be no humor revolution. Dumb and Dumber won’t suddenly not be stupid. the idea of cramps won’t spontaneously not make guys cry and rock themselves in a corner. girls and guys and different. and that’s kinda the point. how dull would it be if everyone thought fish faces were hysterical? there would be no one to make fun of the
guppies girls who make them. BO-RING.
your turn. what did i miss? what am i wrong about?