guy humor vs. girl humor

this was originally posted at Bryan Allain’s place.  enjoy or don’t.  whatevs.

there are certain types of humor which do not translate across gender lines at all.  things guys think are funny make girls’ eyes roll so hard, they can see their frontal lobe.  and things girls find funny can clear a room of testosterone in about 6.4 seconds.

stuff guys find funny that girls don’t:

1.  falling in the toilet when the seat gets left up – if they’re smart, guys learn to control their laughter at this by the time they’re married.  they might be saying, “sorry hun, i’ll remember next time”, but on the inside they are laughing like punks and thinking, “when will she learn to look before she sits?!?”

2.  getting kicked in the junk – hit, kicked, unexpectedly straddling a teeter totter…it’s hilarious every time it happens to anyone but you.  cringe and laugh.  cringe and laugh.  it never gets old.  girls just think you’re all 12 year olds.

3.  crashing – guys can watch YouTube videos of other guys seriously biting it all. day. long.  if they get to see it in person, total bonus.  they’ll be holding their sides all the way to the hospital.  girls know that somewhere there’s a mom/girlfriend/wife that’s going to have to put up with the whining for days.

4.  Dumb and Dumber – guys love this movie.  it’s stupid.  my husband made me watch it in the theater on Christmas day the year it came out.  that’s all i have to say about that.

5.  the word “moist” – if it can be obscurely or awkwardly worked into a sentence, guys are going to try to use it.  they love it.  if girls had a magic wand to remove one word from Websters, it would be “moist”.  it’s a terrible word.

stuff girls find funny that guys don’t:

1.  Reese Witherspoon – girls think she’s a riot.  they watch Legally Blond every time it’s on TV.  given the opportunity to date Reese, guys would get all up ons, but they would rather be the one kicked in the junk than have to watch one of her movies.

2.  cramps – girls can joke about the crippling pain brought on by Aunt Flo for hours.  they do this to stay sane.  it’s like the black humor morticians and EMTs develop to cope with dead people.  guys have already skipped to number 3 or left this blog entirely.  the whole concept terrifies them.

3.  fish face pictures – stick a camera on pack of girls and they are all going to pucker their faces like guppies.  then they will squeal and giggle and think the world is full of unicorns that poop rainbows and kittens.  guys make a face too when they see this, but it clearly says, “why do they do that?”

4.  funny men – oh man, girls do love a guy with a sense of humor.  they will laugh and toss their hair and be completely enamored with the wit and charm of the funny man.  guys just get annoyed and think, “they’re buying that?  really?”

5.  Dr. appointments – nothing funnier than pelvic exams and mammograms.  at least not to females.  the jokes are legion.  men won’t even admit to having a prostate exam.  their jokes end with “turn your head and cough”.

these things aren’t going to change, people.  there will be no humor revolution. Dumb and Dumber won’t suddenly not be stupid.  the idea of cramps won’t spontaneously not make guys cry and rock themselves in a corner.  girls and guys and different.  and that’s kinda the point.  how dull would it be if everyone thought fish faces were hysterical?  there would be no one to make fun of the guppies girls who make them.  BO-RING.

your turn.  what did i miss?  what am i wrong about?

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18 comments on “guy humor vs. girl humor

  1. Kp says:

    I’m not very good at being a girl.

  2. gabriella says:

    love it! 🙂 (esp. number 5 for girls!)

  3. Bethany says:

    I’m gonna go half-nay on the crashes. As long as no one’s permanently injured, I love seeing/hearing about stupid people face stupid consequences.

    As for girl humor, I’ve never heard/made a joke about cramps or doctor appointments… ever. If someone starts giving me the details about their pap smear, I’m going to politely smile, turn around, and turn the awkward exchange into a joke of my own.

  4. I live in the hometown of one of the stars of Dumb & Dumber, and yet I’ve never seen the movie. (Or maybe that’s why?) I guess I’m safe there.

    But yeah, #3 (crashing) makes me laugh and I don’t know why. But come to think of it, the other #3 (fish face) is the facial expression equivalent of “seriously biting it,” so I can laugh at that, too. But yeah, that’s not the reaction most fish-facers are going for, so…

  5. I guess I must not be a guy then (although I kind of knew that already from all the other ways in which I’m not like a guy!)

    I don’t think I laugh at any of the “stuff guys find funny” – except possibly the toilet one, because it’s actually happened to me and toilet humour and slapstick are awesome. Come on, I’m sure you women would laugh if you saw it happen to someone else, no?

    Also, I find a lot of humour in a DRE-NAD situation (“digital rectal examination – nothing abnormal detected”, I saw the GP enter it on my notes in the computer and asked what it stood for). Although possibly a joke with something abnormal detected would be funnier, depending on the nature of the abnormal thing. What I tend to find not funny is when the joke is played as “the worst thing that could happen to a guy is have someone stick his finger up your bum” and that’s the whole of the so-called “humour”.

  6. Abby says:

    Of the girls’ list, I only find #4 (funny guys) funny. Crashes can be funny, too, though!

  7. Jessica says:

    I snort-laughed at the very first one because I was remembering the time my kid fell in the toilet when he was potty-training. Good times.

    YOU CAN’T TRIPLE STAMP A DOUBLE STAMP!

  8. Kevin says:

    Guys also think that gifts of large sums of money are hilarious.
    I am a guy, and I will give you my address if you really want to make me laugh because of all the money that you send me.

  9. […] already outlined how to deal with an irrational female here.  go ahead and read that, then read it again.  when it comes to PMS though, i need to add one […]

  10. Dumb and Dumber is easily my favorite stupid comedy movie…or maybe it’s Blazing Saddles. Either way, both are insanely stupid but also HILARIOUS.

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