sometimes, when you put a bunch of single people in the same room together, let’s say a bar, blogs happen.
like right now.
sweet baby ducks, it was horrifying.
now maybe because i’m old and married it’s easy for me to be an observer of the carnage that happens when people try to flirt with each other, but short of stabbing me in the retina with a glow stick, i’m not sure it could be more obvious.
here’s just some of things i saw this weekend. and in case it’s not clear, these are things i don’t recommend. and by don’t recommend, i mean you will end up alone with a bathrobe collection.
1. stabbing the object of your affection in the retina with a glow stick. yeah, you thought i made that up for humor sake. don’t i wish. this girl’s first mistake was being in possession of a glow stick. her second was bringing it into a bar that was so crowded, i’m pretty sure someone got pregnant by just trying to squeeze through. her third was to be so proud of her glow stick that she started waving it around and now some poor guy is wearing an eye patch.
2. dancing up on a girl who doesn’t want to dance with you. she doesn’t want to dance with you so much, she grabs your friend and starts dancing with him to make you go away. then you send your friend a passive aggressive text message about not stepping on your game. yeah, i saw that text. it was as sad as it was amazing.
3. yelling at a guy (who you approached) for looking at your boobs when you are wearing a shirt cut to your c-section scar and have glitter on your chest. that’s all i have to say about that.
4. putting your arm around a girl you have never met and creepily smiling at her. the girl slid away from him like he was covered in boogers. who knows. he might have been.
part of me wants to fix all these people and part of me gets a morbid kick out of watching them crash headlong into the romance toilet. sometimes my nice self needs to punch my mean self in the neck.
what are some flirting don’ts you’ve witnessed or been involved in? you don’t have to confess if you were the one who caused someone to have to wear an eye patch.