I stumbled upon your blog and I thought you might be a good person to turn to for advice. I met a very intelligent and attractive woman at an art gallery opening a few weeks ago. She was a high school teacher in her early 30’s (I’m 28, so a little older than me). We had been talking for about a half hour and really developed a great rapport. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime. Through the course of conversation, I also learned that she was divorced (no kids involved).
Then, things suddenly went downhill. There was a pause in the conversation and since she had classic curves (large bust, narrow waist, etc.), I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. My intent was to be complimentary and a little flirtatious but instead she became deeply offended. I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but the more I talked, the more I exacerbated things as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. She told me I was being “inappropriate” and that she was “very disappointed” and then WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed.
As I stood there alone rubbing my cheek, I was trying to figure out why she was so upset. Perhaps, it was not relevant that she was divorced, but I was thinking that divorced women may have a heightened sensitivity to men being womanizers, etc., and that’s why she misinterpreted what I said. Do you have any thoughts? Do you think I should email her an apology note?
Well my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to send her an apology note earlier today. Surprisingly, she got back to me and her response is below if you’re interested. Oh well, live and learn.
Hello SSUSM (my nick for him) and thank you for the apology. If you’re not yet aware, it is very inappropriate and highly offensive to size up a woman the first time you meet her. It’s unfortunate that you chose to do this, since we had a nice conversation up to that point. I’m passionate about being a teacher and like to be appreciated for who I am, what I do, and not how well I can fill out a bra. Your words, along with your tone and demeanor made me feel very uncomfortable and objectified — hence the slap across the face.
With all of that said, I hold no lingering hard feelings. At least you showed some good manners by apologizing and knew that it was proper etiquette to turn the other cheek when a female slaps you. Hopefully you can learn from this experience and have better luck in the future.
She Straight Up Slapped Me
i let Craig, my husband, read your email and this was his response:
“awesome! he only lost an hour on woman nuts enough to actually slap him. he got off easy.”
he has a point. either there’s something you’re not telling me about how aggressive you were or she’s a loon.
women just don’t slap men for paying them a compliment, no matter how inappropriate. the majority of us will simply look at a guy like he’s a baboon’s butt and walk away if he lays it on like spackle.
don’t get me wrong, i’m not above hitting a guy. i’ve done it. twice. both times i had made it clear i wasn’t interested and both times they put their hands on me. i go from fun to hostile in a heart beat if a guy puts his hands on me. but it sounds like that’s not what happened here.
apologizing via email was perfect; if only to clear your conscience. her response sounded fairly reasonable, too, if i’m being fair. and i try to be.
live and learn indeed. keep compliments superficial when talking to a woman. and by superficial, i mean notice her boots, her hand bag, her scarf, etc. something that says you’re paying attention but steers away from making her uncomfortable. and keep it to one, maybe two compliments at most when it comes to anything physical about her.
oh so sincerely,
gentlemen? ladies? thoughts for our friend?
what do you think about slapping a guy?