how to be an alpha male

confession:  i was on Youtube this morning looking for a terrible relationship video to make fun of.  don’t get me wrong, i found several.  but most of them were by teenagers and i’m not into kicking puppies.

i did find this one though.  and was surprised by how practical it is.  she covers somethings i’ve touched on before, but if you can get past her distracting movements and exaggerated facial expressions, she has some good things to say.

i think i still have some things to add, but i’m going to hold off until i get some feedback from you guys.

did that sound like there’s going to be a part 2?  so be it.

what do you think about this?  i want both guys and girls to give some feedback on it.


28 comments on “how to be an alpha male

  1. I actually devoted a year in my life to become more of an alpha male. In (and after) that year, I dated quite a lot. Guys around me kept stating how it was because of my good looks, whereas I knew I looked about the same as when I was a shy, dateless sweet guy. It was confidence that got the guys thinking I was good looking, as the lady in the video would agree.
    I care only for her tips about not asking permission. As long as you validate your decisions on forehand, you can assume you can at least try it (she knows whether you can kiss her before you even consider it, and boldly trying will up your chances, whereas anything else will lower them). I never asked my current girlfriend to be that. I announced she was. That may sound weird, but in the moment it wasn’t. She just requested a more romantic proposal.
    I didn’t watch her six step thingy, but the random tips she gives will not get men a high status. They might learn two tricks, whereas high-status men have a broad understanding of themselves and what they’re doing. I’m sorry for writing a book, but you clearly hit a nerve.

    • i’m curious to see how other readers respond to what you’ve said…

    • Bethany says:

      Announcing someone as your girlfriend could be seen as strong, alpha male-ish… or it could be seen as you making the relationship move at your pace with no respect for her part in the decision. A lot of girls see it the latter way, so… watch it.

      Being confident doesn’t have to mean being cocky. You’re the one who gets to make the initial move. Don’t remove us from the decision making process by not giving us an opportunity to respond to that move.

      • We had been talking for months and I haven’t heard any complaints and make sure there is plenty of room for feedback :-). I wasn’t forcing anything on her, it was totally in the moment, but I am amazed a lot of times how guys seem to lose their self respect around a girl they like, and thus also respect from the girls they trying to get approval from.

        I consider myself cocky, for sure. However, when I’m involved with people, I want to find common ground, as everybody does. That I am now confident to me means I am not adapting to the other (girls, on topic), but meeting each other halfway. When it comes to my girlfriend, I couldn’t fall in love with someone who wouldn’t do the same thing, but would have me decide all the time. In the case of my girlfriend, I seek her suggestions on a lot of things that I’m thinking of. When it comes to things that do not directly affect her, I do take my own decisions though. I knew I wouldn’t have before.

  2. I can’t even focus on what she’s saying because I am so bothered by her hair. I haven’t seen that flipped back bang thing since seventh grade, and seventh grade was a LONG time ago. She’s probably not entirely wrong about the alpha male thing, but her delivery and approach are so distracting and ineffective, it’s hard to take her seriously. Get out your grain of salt is my advice.

  3. Will Date For Free Food says:

    I want a man to be able to take care of me… physically and financially. I don’t actually need them to do it, I would prefer to take care of myself and I would never expect anyone other than myself to support me financially. But it’s true… I want to FEEL like they can. Whether they really can or not is something that I probably won’t have to find out until I’m too deeply in love with them. It’s definitely a great trait to have for men while searching for the right one.

  4. notaimless says:

    “High status” men (or women), according to this woman’s standards are typically considered that because they’re already carrying themselves with confidence.

    I was concerned that this would be three and a half minutes telling guys that their two options are to puff themselves up OR be extremely (worldly) attractive in order to attract women… Halfway through, she started to make a little more sense, but it’s just common sense: Be yourself; honor and respect yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin…

    Her comment “how to portray yourself as a high status guy” struck a nerve with me. Portraying yourself as “high-status” might attract someone who “portrays” herself as deserving only of high status. I, and I’m sure others, would much prefer someone who is comfortable in his own skin and with the decisions he makes, regardless of “status”. Acting or “portraying” yourself as something you’re not, will be uncovered soon enough. Rather than pretending to be confident… BE comfortable in your own skin so that I can trust who you are, and I will do the same in return.

    • In my opinion, you make too much of a difference between ‘high status’ and being comfortable in your own skin. Come to think of it, I don’t like the term ‘high status’ at all, while the term ‘alpha male’ would cover humbleness, admitting mistakes, seeing the worth in others and helpfulness as well, whereas none of these come to mind when I think of high status men. What I have in mind when thinking of alpha male, is a man that is strongly rooted in himself and the world. He would consider other people’s opinions and desires, but isn’t lead by them, in contrast to the boy that asks ‘Can I kiss you now?’. It’s confidence that makes you alpha male, but confidence in a good way can feed itself.

  5. Lord Alvin says:

    “Hello video woman with blow-up-doll make up. I’m not going to buy you a drink. Allow me to… (one one thousand. two one thousand) make simple decisions for you. You are going to love that.”

    Dating is easy because women are easily fooled by men who act like they have confidence. Lesson learned!

    • G Fresh says:

      “Hello video woman with blow-up-doll make up. I’m not going to buy you a drink. Allow me to… (one one thousand. two one thousand) make simple decisions for you. You are going to love that.”

      *Puts on sunglasses*


      *Exits to The Who theme song*

  6. Two things:

    1)If she wants guys to listen carefully, she might want to wear something less low-cut. Or stop leaning forward. If she’s doing all that on purpose…well, I’m not sure that’s high status. A natural resource is worth more when it’s scarce, YouTube Lady. Don’t give it away.

    2)It sounded too much like she was telling guys to act like something they may not be, perhaps because she never really defined “high status”. There might be one or two decent tips in there, but it’s hard to catch them because the whole “act high status” thing is so vague and nonsensical.

  7. Her appearance didn’t bother me, but her accent and exaggerated intonation made it quite hard for me, as a non-USAian, to follow what she was saying.

    The advice in the video was kind of iffy for me. While it’s definitely true that having your own confidence and not needing validation is a good thing, checking in with your partner every so often is really not “low status”, it’s just considerate. “High status” needn’t be “doesn’t give a shit about anyone else”, after all.

    Same goes for making decisions; it’s all very well saying “let’s sit here”, but what if she’s got a good reason why not? If a guy chooses the wine and turns out it’s one she doesn’t like, that won’t work so well. Oh yeah – snap decisions are soooo not my thing. But don’t call it dithering, either – I just take time to consider stuff. (Well, okay, maybe occasionally if there are two equally good options, I’ll dither, but I cover it well!)

    No props – good advice (also, is that not the same as buying her attention?)

    Nervous/twitchy – sure, if you’re fidgeting a lot it’s not great but a SLOOOOW DEEEEP VOOOIIICE just sounds like – that! Maybe this is just me, but if anything I talk slower when I’m nervous, because I take even more time than usual to pick my words (and heck, even when I’m confident, you get a lot longer pauses than 1 second, for the same reason).

    (oh, yeah – that’s not a backslash \ in the URL, either – it’s just a regular slash / )

  8. janakaye says:

    I agree somewhat with what she is saying (thanks to previous posters, I simply listened instead of watching to avoid being annoyed. More than any other point in history, young single women have the ability to take quite good care of their basic needs. I know I can make enough money to live and eat, I know I can have a fairly fulfilling social community, and I know I can have a great relationship with Christ. A relationship means more than simply having basic needs met, at least in today’s culture. It means finding someone who in character and personality has the ability to strengthen, respect, challenge and love you well.

    When I think about what interests me in a guy, an outlook of confidence (which seems to be the portrayal of status she means) might be part of it. Leadership and the ability to make decisions with some sense of confidence IS attractive because a life of constantly validating the confidence of a guy who is afraid to make a decision because it might make him look bad is, to be honest, a terribly tiring thought.

    We already have to do that with most of our neurotic girlfriends.

  9. Stacy says:

    High Status=Power, at least in my head. And it wasn’t until last year that I realized how attractive that is. Not necessarily that a man holds a literal position of power, but that he knows he holds the power to do so if he wishes.
    (aka knowing what he wants and going after it, taking control of chaos, acting in spite of doubt of self)
    (aka the difference between a boy and a man)

    I think that this is so attractive to me because a man like this allows me to be fully a woman, to be feminine. He is the head, I am the neck. He decides, I support or suggest another direction.

    Hmm..just thought of something else. Power=Authority. AUTHORity, like an author; a high status man knows he has the power to write the storyline.

    Oh, and Sharideth, just some demographics, since you wanted women to respond…I’m 22, a woman, single, and a 2010 college grad.

  10. Scotty says:

    This girl’s right. I’m buying it.

    Girls want to go on dates with guys who can. . . well, decide how that date’s going to go. I’ve noticed the nice guy disease of caring so much about the girl’s opinion that he can’t even pick a restaurant, choose an activity, pick a movie. “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” should only be said when quoting the Jungle Book. Only time.

  11. Lynne says:

    “Don’t worry if you’re ugly! Women like men who make decisions for them and have lots of cash to throw around. They don’t care what you look like, even though you do. Skip the line past the ugly broads and get laid now!”

    That’s what I heard, at least.

    I know we all want to talk about men being attracted to the hotness and women are attracted to the emotional stuff, but really, do we need to go to “women don’t care about looks like you do”? It sounds like it’s only perpetuating the societal mantra that any woman who isn’t as hot as a supermodel doesn’t stand a chance. It annoys me SO MUCH.

  12. […] week i posted a video about how to be an alpha male.  you can click here to view it if you haven’t already.  anyhoo, the girl’s point in the video is that a man doesn’t necessarily have to be […]

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