so your devastation is complete. there’s a girl you just can’t get past and it’s ruining any chance at future happiness. other girls don’t compare and you don’t think you’ll ever really love again.
bull and shit. i was going to clean up my language but you people told me not to, so shit it is.
okay, you’re honestly hurting and as my daughter said when she was 10 and got her heart broke for the first time, “i’m a shell of my former self!” i get it. i do. i’ve been there. seriously. lost my mind over a break up and probably should have been institutionalized for all the damage i did to those poor schmucks who tried to date me afterward.
it blows. it’s painful. it makes you want to yack into the nearest garbage hole at McDonald’s where you’ve been feeding your feelings. i. get. it.
but honey, life ain’t over. you’re relationship died. you didn’t.
if Celine Dion’s heart can go on and on, so can yours.
okay, bad analogy, but i bet you grinned. see? progress already.
here’s some common thoughts/feelings you’re probably having and my response to them. hold on to your butts.
1. she was everything you wanted. – no she wasn’t. not even close. otherwise she’d still be with you. if she was all that, she would have seen your worth and stuck around. her abandonment of you is not a comment on your character, but it sure is a comment on hers.
2. you must have done something wrong. – nope. stop agonizing over this. you’ll run yourself off the crazy cliff trying to pick this one apart. sometimes people just leave. and when they do that, 94.6% (probably a real number) of the time, it’s their problem, not yours. unless of course you did engage in some douchebaggery. if that’s the case, you’re not wondering what you did, you know. chalk it up to a teachable moment and do better the next time.
3. you don’t know if you’ll ever be that happy again. – well, not with that attitude, buck-o. you own your happiness, not her. you’re stuck in woe-is-me mode because you haven’t allowed yourself to feel the one thing that will burn off the pain. anger. be angry at her. she deserves it. your fear of not being with her blocks you from embracing the one thing that will pull you out of the Lovesucks tar pits. righteous fury. wallowing in self-pity will stick around as long you let it. but anger is a fast burn and will leave a lot of what you’re feeling right now in ashes. get to the other side of anger and you’ll be able to see clearly again. reason will return and the light at the end of the tunnel won’t look so much like a train.
4. there’s nobody like her. – oh you mean there’s no other girls who will up and leave you for no apparent reason? sure there are. millions of them. you need to start looking for the ones who won’t do that. think hard. i bet you come up a red flag or two you haven’t allowed yourself to admit to seeing. let that in and that’s where you’ll find your anger. awesome, awesome anger.
5. things were perfect. – no they weren’t. i’m going to drop some truth on your head that won’t be pleasant. there is no perfect; even for couples who die of old age still married to the one they truly loved their whole life, yet still occasionally wanted to knock unconscious with a hammer. your “perfect” never existed. if it did, your relationship wouldn’t be over and you’d be in process of getting wrinkled and watching Matlock.
6. you can’t move on. – i’ll see your “can’t” and raise you a “won’t”. your “can’t” allows you to stay right where you are due to no fault of your own. you freaking coward. change that word to “won’t” and suddenly you have a decision to make. that word gives you options and a future. it also puts the responsibility for those things right up in yo’ face! “can’t” makes you powerless. “won’t” makes you angry at yourself for having wasted so much time. there’s that anger again. see what i did there?
the only one holding you back from a new relationship is you. time to let it go and relocate your manhood. so to speak…
is anyone going through this right now?
who’s been through it? how did you manage to snap out of it?