it’s been well established here that i will have an idea about what i’m going to write, then chuck it entirely when something else pops into my head or something happens that distracts me and i write about that instead.
i’m sure there’s some sort of diagnoses out there for whatever it is i am.
today, something happened.
every monday i plant myself at Starbucks (same one every week) and write whatever it is i’m going to write for you guys. i get coffee and some times something that resembles breakfast and begin my genius advice and idiotic tweeting.
it’s my thing.
now, i’m pretty personable, but when i’m ready to dig into the interwebs first thing in the morning, i prefer only my own company. which is why i tried sitting in a chair away from this guy who gave me that “how you doin’?” head bob when i walked in.
problem 1: i needed a plug-in because my comp was already dying.
problem 2: the only table available with an outlet was right next to him.
once i got my coffee and breakfast-like thing, i moved my stuff over to the table. i sat in the seat closest to him, but only because it would almost put my back to him and i figured he’d leave me alone. my hopes were even higher considering he was sitting with another girl.
my hopes were dashed.
hang on…he just left. Tim Tebow must have been somewhere praying for me.
anyway, not only was being able to see less than half my face encouraging to him, he could and was trying to read what i was writing over my shoulder.
his opener wasn’t bad, “she’s kicking my ass at this game.” they were handing an iPad back forth to each other.
he kept trying to engage me in conversation. i kept not looking at him and giving single syllable responses. the girl he was with was clearly feeling the awkwards and tried to join the conversation. bless her heart. this didn’t make it better.
finally i got tired of blocking his view to my comp, so i moved me and my Macbook to the other side of the table. the girl he was with said in a whisper i could still hear, “you pissed her off.” so he looked at me, repeated what she said, then added, “i know it’s just because you want to look at me.” double you tee eff?!? seriously? he thought it was funny and she couldn’t possibly be right.
she was possibly right. probably right. definitely right.
i looked at the girl, she was horrified and said, “it’s cool.”
she understood me. he didn’t.
and then they left.
what have we learned?
opening a conversation with a girl being self-deprecating and humorous = good
doing it while sitting with another girl = bad
continuing to try to make conversation with a girl who won’t look you in the eye = bad
ignoring the warning of the girl you’re with when she tells you that the girl you’re hitting on is not only not interested but also annoyed = bad
being so oblivious that single word answers and zero eye contact makes you feel bolder = extra super bad
thank you, Starbucks guy who couldn’t take a hint. and by hint, i mean clear signals that i was so not into your advances. today you have served as an example to many about how to stay alone forever.
what’s the most awkward flirtatious moment you’ve ever encountered? either being on the delivery or receiving end…
what’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?
what’s the best?