getting a glimpse of the real person you’re dating

“mom, you were never this angry when you’d drive in Oklahoma.” – my kids.  every time we’re in the car.

when i’m driving, my low threshold for stupidity (aka innate arrogance.  i mean, since we’re being honest…) and lack of patience is readily in evidence.  especially since we moved to Nashville.  Nashville drivers are the worst.  the worst.  oh em gee, so so bad.  yeesh.  even thinking about it turns me into a terrible person.

if Craig had pursued a degree in psychology, he was going to do his thesis on how the real nature of a person is exposed when he or she gets behind the wheel of a car.  *looking for a thesis idea?  you’re welcome.*

i happen to think he’s right.

it’s the whole reason why i will never have a Jesus fish on my car and am often embarrassed on Jesus’ behalf, by those that do.

*side note – if you’re going to have a Jesus fish on your car, don’t drive like a jackhole.  kthxbai.

sometimes when you’re dating a person, you have been bitten so hard by the love bug, you ignore their bad behavior.  don’t even try to give me that crap about “i didn’t know she was like that until after we broke up.  i just didn’t see it.” because i will throw the bullshit flag at you so hard, it will lodge in your throat and choke you to death.  but that’s a rant for another blog.

anyhoo, where we were we?  oh yeah, bitten…ignoring bad behavior…right.  let’s remember people, when you get bit, you get envenomated.  *shut up wordpress. i did too spell that right.*  bites are generally a bad thing.  as are falling and getting shot in the ass with an arrow by Verne Troyer.  i’m not a fan of love analogies, in case you were wondering.

so here’s somethings to watch for that will clue you into the person behind the pretty face:

1.  driving –  i know already talked about this.  calm down.  if the person you’re with behaves like the road was built solely for his or her own occupation, you’ve got a serious selfishness problem.  if he or she gets cut off in traffic and goes all Incredible Hulk without the endearing back story, you’ve got major anger management issues.  these are not to be ignored.  these are unreasonable responses to everyday occurrences.

2.  being served – this might sound odd to some of you, but stay with me.  how someone treats wait staff (servers, bar tenders, bus boys) is direct reflection on their character.  oh yes.  i’m absolutely serious.  if your date/the one you’re dating treats wait staff like they are somehow lower on the food chain of humanity, you’ve got a fairly rotten human being on your hands.  what does that look like?  speaking condescendingly.  tipping poorly or not at all.  constant complaining over little or nothing.  trust me, the person who does this…bad seed.

3.  being in authority – this is similar to #2.  how someone treats those they are in authority over is also a direct reflection of their character.  ever had a horrible boss?  yeah?  then you know what i mean.  i had one who hated my guts.  kicked me out of my own going away party and made me stay back and answer phones.  yeah.  that happened.  when a person treats underlings with contempt, God will make that person’s colon explode.  at least that’s what i’m pretty sure happened to my old boss.  her colon did explode.  i choose to believe God did it.  you don’t want to be around for that kind of retribution.

these are the red flags people.  you either have seen them, are seeing them or will see them.  if you choose to ignore them or make excuses, that’s on you.  and for the record, i couldn’t care less how nice the one you’re dating is to you.  it’s how they treat those who they have no motivation (other than common decency) to treat well that tells the tale.

moral of the blog?  be careful little driver how you rage.

what are some other red flags that you might be dating a horrible person time bomb?

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18 comments on “getting a glimpse of the real person you’re dating

  1. casemeister says:

    If you’re looking to have kids pay attention to how they react when sitting next to kids at dinner or a sporting event etc. I dumped the last guy so fast when he responded to a crying kid who had just had her fingers pinched between the seats by saying someone should spank her and get her to shut up. CHECK PLEASE!

  2. I agree with these points. Along the same lines, my mom and dad always told me that how a guy treats his mom or sister is a big indicative of how he’ll treat his future wife. So, basically, how they treat others is telling.
    And also agreeing with the above, how they treat kids is another big one!

  3. “if you’re going to have a Jesus fish on your car, don’t drive like a jackhole. kthxbai.”

    If I agreed with this any more, I would BE it. That…doesn’t really make sense, but I think you get the idea. Don’t put the Jesus fish on your car. Even if you’re a good driver you’re going to unintentionally make somebody mad at some point, and they’re going to judge Jesus on that. It’s unfair, but it’s the way things work.

    In summary: if you’re a bad driver, plaster your car with things you dislike so you can make people dislike those things. Okay, no, don’t do that. Just put nothing on your car. Nothing at all.

    Actually, this relates to one of the reasons I’ve stuck with a cripple hang tag and declined a cripple license plate. The majority of cripple tag-bearing drivers on the road are elderly drivers — if this isn’t reality, it’s at the very least perception — and let’s all be honest: elderly drivers can be exasperating. I’ve stuck with a hang tag because I don’t want people seeing the little Blue Wheelchair Man and assuming I’m an exasperating driver. In the past I was a lousy driver, but I got over that, and I don’t want to be painted with that broad brush.

  4. Jenn says:

    1.If you treat my best friend as human then you passed a personal red flag test. Yes she’s in a chair but gah I’m going to stop there, makes my blood boil the things people do.

    2. Any sense of entitlement – yes, we are blessed and no I don’t think we all need to starve to make a point about hunger, but if you’re whining about not having a big enough TV or whatever, then that is a red flag for me – it says that you don’t understand that money is a gift from God – if you have it you’re not expected to bless yourself but rather live simply and bless others.

  5. To me, political parties are one. We have over fifteen here, two of them are red flags: the Socialist Party (actual name) and the fascist party (nickname). Those are both, not that surprisingly, on the extremes and indicate a narrow worldview. Besides that, I think all of the ones mentioned above are pretty good additions.

  6. JBen says:

    I don’t know if this is a “horrible person” qualifier, but I was interested in a girl who was a super picky eater (only wanted pepperoni on a pizza and hated asian food and seafood.) and only wanted to travel to countries where white people lived (england, australia etc).

    I didn’t think she was horrible, but it communicated to me that she was not a person who was willing to try new things and grow and take risks. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life and never eat dim sum again. So I stopped being interested.

    But I think your red flags are great. Please don’t throw them down my throat.

  7. Larry Hehn says:

    I am always interested to see how someone plays sports or games. Do they respect the rules, are they a good sport, are they positive and encouraging?
    I also am intrigued by how others get along with children and animals. It can tell a lot about their character.

  8. I agree with your red flags. Otherwise mild-mannered guy + very aggressive driver = flummoxed me. Oh well. Anyway, good post 🙂

  9. pepperintea says:

    Beware anyone who claims every ex is “a total psycho/headcase/loser”. The common denominator is * you* boo.

  10. I guess I’m “bad seed” since I strongly dislike (but will when it’s unavoidable) tipping in any circumstances, unless it’s an OPTIONAL service in my benefit (valet). In my defense I’m not american and can’t grasp what all the obsession over tipping is.

    • Regan says:

      Wait staff at a restaurant are paid a little over $2 per hour. When you tip, you are paying their salary.

      • Chris says:

        That might be just a U.S. thing. In parts of Canada, the minimum wage is more than that (around $8, I think). With tips, it can be much more, but that depends on the quality of service and quality of the establishment, as it should be.

        And in some places in Europe, I understand that tipping is not even expected.

        • I know I was very shocked when I first learned that US waiting staff rely on tips for their salary. I think if I ever visit the States, I’ll refuse on principleto go anywhere unless a service charge is included in the price. Then, if I choose to leave an additional tip then I’ll know it’s actually a tip, and not an obligation.

          In the UK, the usual service charge is around 10%, either left as a tip or included in the meal price. I’ve heard that the custom in the US is about 25-30%

          • Jenn says:

            While the tip does supplement the wage – the idea of tipping for wait staff is the same as any other service industry. If you tip a valet, why not tip your hairdresser or the maid who cleans your hotel room? The purpose is one of respect and acknowledging their hard work and attention to detail – if they’re absent and don’t seem to care they get 10% versus those who work harder get 20% or more. I have heard it said by a pastor at my church, if you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to go out to dinner.

  11. susan says:

    driving – yep. being served – yep! authority – yep! and i would ad…
    – in the age of social media, watch how that person comments on Facebook etc…if it’s impolite, judgemental or plain rude then there’s a good chance they will, eventually, be that way in person
    – how they describe the way others are raising their kids….

  12. It’s interesting, because “being served” and “authority” are two things that key very strongly into the types of relationship that I choose (consensual Dom/sub) so those things really do show VERY clearly what I’m like as a lover because it’s on a continuum.

    But driving is completely out of my comfort zone (to the extent that I never got around to taking my driving test), so although you might see something genuine about me, you wouldn’t see the “real” person. To see what I’m really like as a person in a car – give me the map to read! (Oh, wait, that’s “position of authority” again, basically).

    I definitely agree with Larry’s suggestion of the way someone plays sports or games.

    I think a good one is how a person is when they’re teaching something to someone else (or at least, trying to). Besides showing things like how patient they are, it will also tell you something about how they respond to the world around them – whether it’s kinaesthetic (they like doing/touching stuff – look for someone trying to get others to have a go), visual (“watch me and copy”), auditory/explaining (“let me talk you through it”). People tend to teach things in the way that would help them to learn it best, so look for their go-to option and it’ll give a good idea of what they’re like to be around and have communicating to you (and how to communicate back to them).

  13. iliketoads says:

    There are plenty of ways to figure people out. One of them is to watch them around animals. If animals don’t like the person, something is wrong. If they don’t like animals, well, that is up to personal opinion, but I wouldn’t trust anyone who didn’t like animals. At least puppies. Everybody likes puppies. Except for bad people. Or stupid people, or people that people who are allergic to puppies, and even sometimes they still like puppies anyway because, hey, puppies… Was I going somewhere with this?

  14. Lafemmeroar says:

    If they don’t have a sense of humor, that’s a definite deal breaker … I need someone who can laugh with me when I tease him … 🙂

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