dear diary – totally freaking out

Dear Diary,

I am totally freaking out.  Tim and I have been dating for almost a month and I’m going to be meeting his friend Dana tomorrow.  He makes her sound like some sort freaking Lara Croft/Betty Crocker hybrid.

“Dana’s so smart.  Dana’s so funny.  Dana’s superhuman.  Blah blah blah.” *facepalm*  How am i suppose to compete with that?!?  Okay, so he didn’t actually say superhuman, but that’s what I hear every time he talks about her.  I know she’s married and older than him and she’s “like his sister”, but this is more terrifying than meeting his parents!

Gah!!!

Is he really into her?  Are they having an affair?  Will she approve of me?  Do I care?  Does he care?  Oh gawd, what if he cares?!?  I’m going to hyperventilate….

Is she pretty?  What if she’s pretty?  Smart and pretty and he adores her?  Does he expect me to be like her?  Is he looking for a girl like her?  Am I like her?  Why can’t I find the freaking paper bags?!?!?  Is that my hair?!  Why is may hair falling out?  I’m going to be bald before I even meet her!  Do I have a hat?  Is it a cool enough hat?  Does Dana wear hats?  I bet her hats are better than my hats!

Oh man.  I have got to get some sleep.  I’m going to be able to pack for Europe in the bags under my eyes tomorrow.

I bet Dana doesn’t have bags under her eyes…

the next night…

Dear Diary,

So I met Dana tonight.  She seemed nice.

guys, if you have a close girlfriend who is truly “like your sister”, do not talk about her too much to the girl your dating.  for the love of God, don’t do this.  not only will you completely freak your girl out, you will make it hard for your friend to break the ice.

and under no circumstances what-so-ever should you compare your girl to your friend.  if she’s confiding in you about a problem she’s having, don’t tell her what your “Dana” would do.  girls do not want to be in competition with anyone, let alone someone you’re close to who she’s never met, no matter how platonic the relationship.

think before you gush.

guys, do you have a close girl friend that you hang with?

girls, have you ever been nervous to meet one of your boyfriend’s female friends because he talked about her too much?

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9 comments on “dear diary – totally freaking out

  1. G Fresh says:

    Yes, you. But I don’t do much gushing about anyone not named Nickelback (just kidding; Nickelback still sucks) so if/when I meet someone, she will just have to wait until we hang out with you and Craig to truly experience the Smith awesomeness. 😀

  2. Yes, but the first time it came up, we (date and I) were talking about tampons, so that couldn’t have been too early…

  3. Jenn says:

    I know guys who do this all the time – who have a female friend who is “like their sister” and do not understand that because she’s not actually your sister she’s for lack of a better term competition. So please dear single and newly dating men define your friendship boundaries, have the courage to ditch your harems and be okay with your singleness

  4. Rachel says:

    Well said! I have had this happen in every serious relationship I’ve ever been in, and on occassion the “like-a-sister” friend really turned out to be more than that. Which has made me even more wary in relationships and more likely to turn to ice when you start talking up another women. I am in the camp that close friendships between people of the opposite sex don’t really work, at least not when one of them attempts a relationship with someone else. I think that if you are wanting to pursue a girl, then you need to make her the priority. Other girls should natually become more distant friends. Unless your girl is hiding her true feelings or some uber-confident superwoman, you are just inviting more trouble than it’s worth in your relationship. Having been through this now multiple times, I am holding out for the guy who doesn’t need other women to affirm him and who knows what he wants when he sees it.

  5. Brian says:

    I have a close girl friend I hang out with. I’m currently pursuing a relationship with a girl I met on Twitter (sign of the times!). I’m meeting her for the first time next weekend. My close girl friend already warned me, “Don’t talk about me. Don’t mention me. She doesn’t need to know about me until her and I meet.”

  6. asoulwalker says:

    I don’t think boys and girls can be friends. Now, that being said, of course they can be friends. While this sounds like a contradiction or the start of some equivocation (or just sloppy communication skills) it really is not. Friends is such a vague term in English that it can mean anything from casual acquaintance to soulmate and anything in between. I have always hated that.

    Still I have never had a close friend who was a single female that I did not develop feelings for and none of my male friends who I have discussed this with have either. Also I have never had a close female friend who was married (that seems creepy and inappropriate– but then again, perhaps my standard for “close-friend” is higher than average). And when I am in a dating relationship I rather suddenly stop doing much of anything one-on-one with other girls (go figure).

    I have had close friends who were girls of course, but we always “broke up” when one of us got a boy/girlfriend (or we ended up going out and then broke up for other more mundane “normal” reasons). I treasure those friendships and love the heck out of those girls. I am so glad I got to be close to them and I do not feel the slightest bit bad that we drifted apart. Things do tend to have a shelf-life, after all.

    You know it’s kind of funny, I don’t think I’ve ever had a girlfriend talk about a male friend on any kind of regular basis. I would like to thank them all for that. I don’t ever want to hear about it. I think at some point jealousy is totally appropriate. Actually, at some point, if your girlfriend can’t make you jealous, there is a good chance you really aren’t that into her.

    And I have never thought about a Croft/Crocker hybrid… but that does sound totally awesome.

  7. While I am certain that men and women can be “just friends”, I figure when someone talks about a friend of the same sex as hir new partner, that partner really has no way of knowing what the relationship actually is between the talker and the friend being described, so it just sounds like competition.

    For that matter, even if the friend is not the same sex as the new partner, if you’re gushing about them then either it’s going to sound like new partner is in competition for your time and affections, or else it gives the impression you’re trying to hand hir on to the friend as a “matchmaker” and not really interested in hir yourself.

    On the other hand, I am not going to pretend that someone significant in my life doesn’t exist. Although I really don’t “hang out” much, I have good friendships with a couple of my exes (so, double-trouble there if either of those people come up in conversation…! Although when a girlfriend met one of these exes, there was no issue at all). I also have female friends whom I feel close to. I can’t act as though they don’t exist, but at the same time, the focus on any date should be the person you’re with, not the other people in your life. I figure remembering that point should be enough to make the person you gush about is the person you’re dating, no?

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