19 years and counting

yesterday was my 19th wedding anniversary.

and the crowd goes wild!  then they realize that makes me pretty old!

calm down.

for my anniversary, i got to spend $200 to get my son’s finger fixed after he chopped the top of it in half with an axe, was nearly in a head-on collision with a guy running from the cops in a high speed chase, got a call that our studio may have been broken into (it wasn’t) and got sick during my anniversary dinner.

yay!

i’m actually typing this while i sit in bed trying to not be a mouth-breather.

this post originally began “today is my 19th anniversary”, but well, that didn’t happen since i was also sans internet all day.

bright side?

i had an amazing dinner (scallops and lamb) with a guy who i still like after 19 years.  we have 2 kids who make me laugh and want to kill them at least twice a day.  my life is good.

people ask me all the time how we manage to make it work day in and day out. 

beats me.

there is no Love Potion No. 9 for a successful marriage.  despite what the self-help book of your choice might say.  however, here are a couple 3 or 4 things that definitely make it easier, but only if both of you are in it to win it….

1.  commitment – there is no success without being single-minded about your future together.  contrary to what today’s culture would tell you, divorce shouldn’t never be viewed as option A.  for better or for worse, that’s what the vow says.  vow.  not suggestion.  vow.  not to be discarded because things get hard.  getting to forever is hard enough without not being committed to today.

2.  conversation – talk.  all the time.  about everything.  there should be nothing you can’t talk to your spouse about.  even if it’s ridiculous.  even if it’s trivial.  even if it hurts.  talk.  you don’t have to be the Great Communicator.  you only have to figure out to have a real conversation with one person.  the one you vowed to love, honor and cherish.

3.  friendship – passion is awesome.  super awesome.  but passion ebbs and flows.  what is constant is friendship.  it’s the thread that runs through a relationship binding everything else together.  you probably don’t have to think very hard to come up with a name of a friend who you will probably grow old and complain about kids on your lawn with.  it should be the same with the one you choose to marry.

4.  dating – don’t ever stop dating.  no matter what life throws at you, always make time for each other that is reserved and protected from everything else.  i wrote more about that here.

these aren’t magic bullets that are going shoot straight to the heart of your beloved then ricochet around killing everything but his or her love for you or bouncing off erogenous zones.  but they sure don’t hurt.

Craig and i don’t always get it right.  nobody does.  but we know that no matter what, there’s a tomorrow we’re going to have to walk through together, so we’d better do what we can to prepare for that today.

what is a characteristic you’ve seen in a couple or something you’ve seen them do that makes you think “i want that”?

what is something you’ve seen that you want to avoid in your relationship?

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9 comments on “19 years and counting

  1. Larry Hehn says:

    Congratulations, Sharideth and Craig! My wife and I celebrated 21 years in September, and I totally agree with all you’ve said here. All the best to you!

  2. asoulwalker says:

    Ha! You said “mouth-breather.” Thank you for being funny. It helps take the edge off. Cheers. Oh, and congratulations.

  3. Steph says:

    Congrats!

    I was blessed to grow up with a pretty stellar example of marriage. You covered the high points in the blog, so the only thing I’d add to that is “partnership”. Maybe there’s a better word for it, but I don’t have a thesaurus handy. (c:

    I saw both of my parents sacrifice for the benefit of the other. Not in a way that allowed either to lose themselves, but in a way that added to them as a married couple AND individually; even to us as a family unit. I’ve just seen way too many marriages fall apart because of self-centeredness (now I’m just making up words…) and it makes me sad.

  4. Chris says:

    Congrats! And hope you get well soon!

  5. Bethany says:

    Congratulations!

    Thing I want: Mutual, genuine respect.
    Thing to avoid: Kids 😉

  6. Rishi says:

    Ah Congrats! and this is an awesome post. Glad to stumble on your blog today

  7. Already congratulated you over Twitter, but congratulations here too!

    My parents have given me a great example, and have been together for a good four decades. One of the little things with them is that my dad always kisses my mom good morning and good night, as well as goodbye whenever he leaves the house, and after prayers. It’s just a little peck on the lips, but it’s an important connection in their relationship.

    It ties into your #4 about dating. Love needs expression.

  8. chickstyle says:

    Congratulations on your wedding aniversary!
    I really enjoyed reading your post. I hope you’re feeling better and your son is doing good. I think that when it comes to commitment and relationships it’s very impotant to learn how to co exist with your other one because is not always going to be easy and there’s going to be times when you don’t agree on the same things but if your relationship has a good foundation and are commited to each other that shouldn’t be a challenge. It’s great when someone find that person that they want to spend the rest of their life with,

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