thanks to the tweeting prowess of Matthew Paul Turner (aka jesusneedsnewpr) i ended up watching The Virgin Diaries on TLC last night. i got so much fodder for the blog, i’m not sure whether to thank Matthew or kill him in his sleep. he lives in Nashville. it’s a possibility.
Entertainment Weekly called the show “The Most Uncomfortable Hour on Television”. i concur.
i actually made an audible gross-out noise, covered my eyes and cringed. so, so horrible. what made me do that? well, lucky for you, there’s a clip on YouTube. what? if i had to see it, so do you.
this is a couple who had never touched, kissed, let alone dry humped anyone. they waited until their wedding to kiss for the first time and this is what it looked like.
you. are. welcome.
best part? that’s not the only thing that made me cringe. the show followed single adult virgins on dates and the results were so awkward…good lord, i don’t even have words to describe the amount of awkward. maybe, being caught touching yourself comes close.
sorry. that was the only super awkward thing i could think of being only halfway through my peppermint mocha.
if you ever want to know what not to do on a first date, watch The Virgin Diaries. or read this list…
first date don’ts
1. do not reveal your sexual status – “hi, i’m a 39 year old virgin.” or “nice to meet you, i’ve had 39 sexual partners.” is not your best foot forward. classic overshare. this is not info people require on a first date.
2. do not ask about “goals for getting married and having children” – …unless you want to go ahead and freak your date right out. there’s is very little more terrifying to a date than knowingly being in the presence of someone who is spouse hunting.
3. do not test your date – if you have strongly held convictions, it can be tempting to throw down and see if your date believes the same thing. do. not. do. that. it’s a first date, not a job interview.
4. do not lead with your baggage – the last thing your date wants to know about you is all the things you hate about yourself or how you feel bad about the jerky way you ended things with your ex. there’s plenty of time later to reveal that you’re a commitment phobe.
first dates are for first impressions. conversation should be casual and topics kept fairly general. jobs, number of siblings, where you born, education, favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s, how much everyone hates the Yankees…if there’s a connection, conversation will naturally move into more personal topics without being weird, aggressive or awkward.
seriously, watch the Virgin Diaries. if you do the exact opposite of everything they do, you’ll b fine.
what are some other don’ts for a first date?
what is a different awkward analogy i could’ve used in stead of masturbation?
*disclaimer – for the record, i believe waiting until marriage is a beautiful thing and support it wholeheartedly.
*note – who knew wholeheartedly was one word?