if you have a job or a friend with a job, you will probably end up at a holiday office party. if you are relying on your parent’s job, i don’t think i can help you.
office parties can be fun like in Mad Men. right up until someone pulls out a riding lawn mower and takes off someone’s foot. or they can go totally Die Hard on you. again, bloody feet. what’s up with that?
i once got kicked out of my own going-away party at work. true story. my boss hated my guts. the feeling was mutual.
so you need to go prepared. do you need to duct tape a Beretta to your back? probably not. but if you have a Carry Concealed, it might not hurt.
1. be careful, little lush, what you drink – i know my first inclination when i’m
forced to go going to an office party is to find the bar. that’s fortification, not alcoholism. i’m pretty sure. set a limit that falls well below removing the brain to mouth filter. eat something before you take that first shot and keep your head. avoid being “that guy”.
2. be careful, little flirt, who you see – don’t hit on multiple women. they all know and will talk about it in the bathroom. just talk. be a conversationalist. if you find a girl you have a connection with, keep it casual. don’t ask her out until the end of the night. don’t give her the rest of the party to have second thoughts.
3. be careful, little ego, what you say – do. not. forget. you. are. still. at. work. that is 8 periods serious. it can be real easy to get too relaxed and say or do things you would never dream of doing while you’re on the clock. people will still judge you for all of it.
4. always have something better to do – what? i couldn’t keep up that silly children’s song thing forever. it’s always handy to have alternate plans. even if those plans are imaginary. it’s never a bad thing to leave people thinking you have a life outside of work. even if you don’t.
i have more things i could add, but you guys always nail it in the comments. so go do that. nail it, that is.
how do you survive office parties?
any horror stories?