i’m coming back with a bang. literally. a couple of weeks ago i wrote a guest post for Tamara Lunardo called “Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!” some of you read it. for those that haven’t, click that link like you’re desperate to change the channel before accidentally watching “Dune”.
in that guest post i talk about sex between married people. i used phrases such as “marital relationing each other to death” and explained what a sex candle is.
yeah, i bet you’re clicking that link now, Too Proud Single Guy.
the comments went crazy. i think i struck many nerves.
one comment was from a single girl. and thanks to my mad cut and paste skills, i can show it to you.
Indeed a good read for potentially soon-to-be-marrieds (?). But challenging, too, on account of not being married yet (and not being even engaged yet) and wanting to figure out the other’s turn-ons and stuff already. Any advice for those of us who want to get over our conservative Christian hangups about this topic, when we can’t yet engage in marital relations because we’re not?
why yes, yes i can.
like i said in the original post, i think the church has done a poor job of teaching about sex. it’s all about sin, sin, shame, sin. you singles are told about all the perils of getting it on and sex becomes this shameful thing you should never think about or talk about.
two words. say them with me. bull. crap. (i’m considering cleaning up my language here at the blog, haven’t fully decided yet.)
is sex before marriage sin? yes. but if you look at a lot of the things the Bible calls sin, there’s usually a reason behind it. and that reason is almost always protection from unnecessary harm. it’s just smarter to keep sex within the confines of marriage. STD’s, pregnancy, blah, blah, blah. you don’t need me to list all the reasons it makes sense to wait.
but just because it’s called sin before marriage, that doesn’t mean sex is a bad thing.
sex is a very good thing.
sex is a very healthy thing.
sex is fun.
God says (within the confines of marriage) you should have lots and lots of it. He created our bodies to work that most satisfying of ways. how can something He created for us be shameful and dirty? answer: it’s not.
as for the other part of her question about finding the turn ons before your married…don’t worry about that too much. once you’re married, you have an entire life time to figure it out. practice makes perfect. so practice. a lot. figuring out each others turn ons is a heck of a lot of fun. there’s no need to have it on lock before the rings and vows.
once you are married, just be fearless. if he accidentally does something that makes you nearly come out of your skin (in a good way), tell him to do it again. if she moves in a way that made you sees stars, tell her. be bold, be adventurous.
God made sex awesome. like, super really extra special awesome. we are not suppose to be ashamed of it, we are suppose to dive head long into the pleasure pool.
sometimes we make mistakes. i just read a study that 95% of the 38,000 questioned were not virgins when they got married. it happens. apparently a lot. i know i wasn’t. but that doesn’t mean sex is always going to be something you regret. it’s going to be joyful and hot and sticky and amazing. you just have to let go of the shame.
if you’ve had a sexually abusive experience, there’s still hope for you, too. talk to someone, get some help. what man intended for evil, God can turn for good.
shame is a terrible thing and it has no place in an act that God created as something beautiful for us to share with someone we love and who loves us in return.
singles, your day is coming. literally.
yes, i just did that.
people, i say we start a revolution. shake off the shame and grab hold of a heaping helping of anticipation.
what were you taught about sex growing up?
how has it colored your view of what a sexual relationship should be?